Posted 5/21/2016 2:53 PM (GMT -5)
Queen--
"I would MUCH rather have pain than have anxiety/irritability and surges."
I completely agree with this - I am so sorry you are trying to juggle so much. It's one thing to have physical issues, it's another to think your mind has gone haywire.
Breathe.
Such wonderful comments. I totally agree w/ PeteZa in that you might just need to SLOW DOWN after all the excitement of the engagement and take your concerns on one-by-one. As you probably know, the illness and the treatment are quite complex. It might be helpful to educate yourself about both as much as possible... this takes time, the treatment takes a very long time. Talk w/ your LLMD/ND about your treatment schedule/duration and get a better sense of timeframes and expectations.
Breathe.
I have a little different take on your symptoms but before I share, please keep in mind that you likely have a lot of different things going on and there is nothing like system overload to set off even more symptoms. So the solution will likely be layered, as well. This is KEY - you are not going to solve all your concerns or master all your treatment at the same time, so take on only what you can manage.
First, getting engaged is a truly lovely event. Even though it's a happy occasion, the impact on your adrenals is still excitement, which it translates into stress so the excitement triggers a stress response and then it reacts with over-production of cortisol and next thing you know you're experiencing anxiety/ feeling on edge, tremors and surges. Particularly if you are ALSO worried about things!
So, part of your challenge is that the infections in the brain and the toxins released during treatment automatically create this neurotransmitter response (the hormones and chemicals that regulate stress, anxiety, depression, panic, etc.). That might be why you feel better on abx.
But you are also contributing to that physiological condition that affects your neurotransmitter function with getting over-excited and worrying. Again, some of it you can't control so you have to be very diligent about what you CAN control.
Breathe.
If you are not already, please explore specific brain detox protocols. Pinella and Bur bur are two great herbs that have helped bring me back from the edge of the abyss. You also likely need to up your detox, overall, regardless of whether you're on or off abx. There is great info here already - just do searches on "detox".
Look into getting your adrenals checked.
I would also highly recommend trying to find a good counselor--and one who is lyme-literate is like hitting the jackpot. I'm currently in search of one myself. I think you're at this really critical juncture in your life and having someone who can help you work through it can be a HUGE support for you. Like Girlie said - embrace the fact that your mom is there for you.
The counseling might help alleviate concerns you have about leaning too much on your partner and might help you manage your treatment in ways that help preserve the relationship, help find the best ways for him to support you that don't make you feel worried about it, help you allow him to need what he needs and appreciate his choices, and can get you all started off on the right foot since you have such an untraditional start to your lives together.
I love PeteZa's story about the antidepressant Rx as a lifeboat. Having tools like that while remaining in control are very smart.
Breathe.
And last... no, lyme & co is NOT fair. There is nothing about this situation that is fair. But life really isn't fair, either. We have to take what we're given, figure out how to move forward and then actively see the other side of it. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to heal and you and your new husband will look back on this time as a foundation-builder to a relationship neither of you even knew was possible. SEE that future for you.
-p