Not to be a downer...

I definitely understand where you're coming from; I'd love to be the old me again. For the first couple years of treatment, that was always the goal - to get back to a place where I felt "normal." Though, like you, I've accepted the possibility of that never being a reality for me.

I've hope, of course, and, at the very least, I expect, someday, to get a decent level of my health back. Though, as for complete recovery, I don't know. That's a lot to ask for. These illnesses can be a lot to come back from. If I could at least to get to where I felt 70% back to where I was pre-infection, I'd be content. Now, things could change. Things will change. The matter is when, how fast, etc. Still, there's a chance this could be a thing of the past a decade from now, huh?

But, yeah... like you said, do your best, work with what you have got, and... consider that who you are now may not be so bad, you know? Consider the possibility that... there are some things you've gained from being ill. You've grown. Et cetera.

I don't even know what the "old me" is. I got bit as a baby and again in my mid teen years and it's been a slow downhill decline since then. It's hard. My mom is very energetic and has always done so much for me and my family and I see that she at the age of 56 has way more energy, strength and stamina than I do at the age of 34. I just wonder, what will I be like at that age? Completely disabled? I loathe this stupid disease and my own weaknesses so very much.
I really try to follow the example of Christ and Paul and so many others in my Bible and give thanks in all circumstances but I am human and I fail at this a lot. So my prayer has been, Lord refine me. But the refining process is painful and darn it if I just want it to be done! haha!

Though waters rough, keep sailing with me, my friends.

Guys I think remission is possible with each and one of you. I mean look at poor Yolanda Hadid. What we each need is good care and perseverance. Also the science is what it is, and this is a disease that goes into remission all the time. U guys will get ur life back. And always aim for that 100%.

She had dr k and copius amounts of money(not poor)jk ..?! ..thanks jenny.. 100% eyes on the prize and nqa says we are the prize ...if in my quest i get 85% i will be a happy camper

I've been thinking this way a lot lately. Not because there aren't plenty of treatment options I feel benefit from. But because I get severe flank pain a few days/a week into them no matter whether it's something as benign as cats claw or hard hitting as sida. My wall is right up at the front of my journey. I've known about my Lyme for six months and still haven't even been able to start treatment aside from cholestyramine

Its a rough road for sure. I've been hovering at 90percent now for 4 months. Some days I feel normal and then I'll have 3 days of symptoms and think here we go again. My editor friend (she edits Horowitz 's books) said the persister cells are probably still hatching so it will be a while. My naturopath says it takes up to two years to get through the biofilms and process all the critters living in them. So, Buhner herbs until she? Million dollar question. Still hoping to get to 100%, but trying to find peace with where I'm at.

By no means am I giving up or in to this disease. Im just being real with myself. For myself, it doesnt do me any good whatsoever to lie to myself or live in some fantasy world. That only makes the bad days worse. Thise days bring aboit depression, instead of me garnering the strength to say hey, this too shall pass. If I was an individual who was recently bit, mostly likely id have a different outlook. Thise folks have a high probability of effectively treating this madness. Though it is going on 3 yrs for me, the doc and me thinks its much longer. We're putting in near 10 yrs due to my medical records, symptoms we never could put 2 and 2 together, until I got proper testing this yr.

Someone mentioned Yolanda. Its great shes doing well. But shes not cured, and could relapse at any moment. Many chronic lyme sufferers are in remission, but their fate is very much the same. It can surface at any time in the future.

Though this post is a downer to a certain extent, as I said, I DO have hope. If money gets better and/or I can find the means to get aggressive with Bart. theres a good chance most of my symptoms will subside. Nevertheless, I must face the fact that my life will forever be changed.

I went through the ups and downs of Hashimotos. I vowed not to do that to myself again when I found out Lyme and Bart. were the reason I could never get stable. Once I started Lyme treatment, the stability came, though I still had some rough days. One huge positive, actually two, is my testosterone is off the chart once again. Second, my hypoglycemic episodes are gone. Completely gone. Please understand, I am very thankful where im at. I woke up this morning. I kissed the frigid air. I thanked God for a new day. Im ok. But I also know the fight ill forever have to face. Is that so bad?

I don't look at the big picture. I look at it one day at a time, trying to make each day better, or at least as good in a few cases, as the day before. I can't afford to look at the big picture and think I'm going to be as healthy as I was at 34 years. Waaay too much damage has been done that would be a pipe dream to think could be reversed.

I have all the remission I'm ever going to have, and that was without treatment but only on my own immune system. If I can get to where I was before my two surgeries in the past 13 years, that would be wonderful.

As for future crashes if I do recover, I don't have as much life left as some of you ....I could go anytime anyway. I just want to not feel like I'm burning up, have some stamina to get through a few hours of activity, and breathe easily on my own.

Psilociraptor said...
I've been thinking this way a lot lately. Not because there aren't plenty of treatment options I feel benefit from. But because I get severe flank pain a few days/a week into them no matter whether it's something as benign as cats claw or hard hitting as sida. My wall is right up at the front of my journey. I've known about my Lyme for six months and still haven't even been able to start treatment aside from cholestyramine

I had recurring flank pain for a long time, blood in stool, and black tarry stool.

The way that the cycles of ivermectin cleared me out and resolved the flank pain, I can easily surmise that it was a nematode (or a few types of them).

For me its been to try resolve one issue at a time.

Post Edited (ChickenArise) : 12/19/2016 11:58:48 AM (GMT-7)

I am waiting for my miracle on 31st street ...thanks jenny ,chxarise and ldriven