Loss of "wants"

The depression is draining me. Or maybe it's that my fatigue is so severe I can't fathom ever being able to do anything again. Everything seems to complex and I struggle to process simple information. I know this will pass, or at least I rationalize it will. I just started antibiotics, I see my ID in two days. I just feel hopeless. I have two toddlers and no family to help. Single mom. Just getting them juice, snacks and meals is exhausting. I feel awful I have no energy to play with them much. I'm trying to focus on what I actually accomplish but I can't draw up feelings for any of my goals anymore. I've lost all my wants and desires and in this state it's hard to believe they will return. I'm an artist and just got new supplies from Amazon and I'm not excited. Whereas normally I would play with new paints and glazes for days, they are sitting on the table unopened.

What did you all do when you hit this point? What helped you? Any suggestions?
I take a source naturals wellness blend, pristiq, tramadol, ampicillin and chromium picolate. Adding more antibiotics in two days. I get outside everyday to get sun.

I see a therapist and right now I'm focusing on accepting that I'm doing the best I can, which never feels enough. I'm on meds, taking supplements, allowing myself naps. Anxiously awaiting this feeling to pass while struggling to stay afloat and not drown in them.

Literally, just within the past 30 minutes, I had a conversation with a family member that is having great success with micro-doses of "Magic Mushrooms" to improve depression (and sleep).

/www.scientificamerican.com/article/magic-mushroom-drug-lifts-depression-in-human-trial1
/www.haystack.tv/v/head-psychedelics-making-scientific-comeback

NOTE: I'm not a doctor, scientist, or any sort of healthcare provider. At present, I've neither researched or used these mushrooms, though I plan to investigate further. I'm simply sharing the link and anecdotal information that was shared with me. As with anything health-related, discuss with your doctor.

Again, my relative uses small doses of the actual mushroom, not a pharmaceutical product. Plus, my relative is not dealing with the various conditions that most of us are battling.

I've been struggling with anhedonia, for the past few years, since dealing with illness. While I can't do the physical things I used to do outside (e.g. mountain biking, hiking, etc.), the other things in life that used to give me pleasure now are of little-to-no interest.

EDIT: I added the second link.

Post Edited (The Dude Abides) : 3/26/2018 8:03:51 PM (GMT-6)

I'll look into the mushroom and the eluthero. The tramadol used to help my fatigue but stopped working the past few months. It does help my anxiety and I'm a mess without it. I was watching a psy Dr talk about Lyme and mental illness last night and she showed how seratonin is basically converted into a neurotoxin in tick borne illness's. So it's not an uptake issue that standard medication can really fix. Which makes sense.

I don't have family that can help but I can reach out to some friends and church family. I hate having to ask for help but I fear that once I start the next abx I will need it. So I'm going to have to suck it up and ask. Much of my emotions are coming from the troubled relationship I had with my mother my entire life. She's always been on drugs and never there for me, like much of my family, so anytime I am sick that wound is reopened and like a little kid I just want mommy to hold me. So this is stuff I can work on in therapy and resolve since it's coming up fresh again.

My Dr gave me a sleeping pill to try but because of my history of sensitivity I'm afraid to take it until the kids spend a night at their fathers. He does take them some nights and I pretty much sleep the entire time they are with him. The tea and tincture sound way more appealing then meds so I will get some to try. I'm Leary of adding another med anyway.

Thank you for mentioning baths. I have this aversion to baths and showers and I couldn't figure out why. I still take them but I dread them.

And yes, my kids will have to get used to movie time and coloring on the couch. Maybe I can figure out some games and other activities while couchbound. I took them to the park today and just driving is exhausting. I can't wait for this to pass. They have been very helpful with cleaning their toys up and small chores, so that helps.

I did some planning today for how I'm going to catch up and finish this semester, and got some cleaning done so I'm focusing on getting things done as I don't want to just feel sorry for myself. I feel good about what I accomplished and am working on letting go of all the things that will have to wait until another day.

I was always a go getter and super busy, so this adjustment sucks. I'm very glad you all are here and know how it feels. Thank you so much.

I never knew there was extended release melatonin. Thanks. Will add that to my experiment list.

Kalymika said...
I was watching a psy Dr talk about Lyme and mental illness last night and she showed how seratonin is basically converted into a neurotoxin in tick borne illness's. So it's not an uptake issue that standard medication can really fix. Which makes sense.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this illness, especially while raising young ones. I have a sick Mom who is now like a 5 year old regressing to a toddler due to Alzheimers.

Before I was sick I was extremely ambitious and a nerd-athlete.

And now my family leans on me like I'm still going to be the successful one that fixes everything with money and/or brains.

Or they take out their rage and frustration on me for not being strong anymore (as a moral failing rather than because of chronic illness) which of course makes me more physically ill.

I'm in therapy now because my family just doesn't understand that I'm sick and can barely handle every day stuff for myself, let alone caregiving.

As for the above quote, I have tried almost every SSRI and they either don't work or make things worse. I have heard from more than few sources that psych meds simply do not work with Lyme disease n co.

The two things that work for depression, pain and fatigue for me anyway are: Tianeptine Sodium (blocks Cortisol and alleviates pain) and Phenylpiracetam (provides energy, mood lift and focus for several hours). I also take Trazodone and it does help me get REM sleep during my sleep apnea machine use.

These aren't prescribed here in the US. I had to find them on my own.

Otherwise there are hobbies I used to be super stoked, jazzed and passionate about that now that I feel little or no motivation to partake in. This anhedonia that every one here is talking about: I have little energy or desire to do anything either.

It's like 1 household chore drains my entire battery, and my body's energy system stores has like a weak battery that barely holds a charge in the first place.

This symptom (as if all the other symptoms don't severely affect quality of life) is real.

It's like my body wants to just go into septic hibernation.

Sorry again that you have to deal with this. I can relate.

I have avoided extended family get-togethers and they haven't come around much since I've been sick n broke.

And to think I should talk with them about arranging for my Mother's needs if my Dad(dies) or Brother (can't or won't).

And what if I must live alone for my own health and sanity?