I work in the IT industry. The only reason that I have been able to function at work is that much of the troubleshooting that I do is repetitive and can troubleshoot from my desk. If it wasn't for that, I am sure that I would not be able to work. I have passed on many opportunities for advancement because I fear not being able to do it. People with less skills than myself have been hired for these positions. Too bad for me.
I was first infected 6 years ago. It was so bad that I had 50 of the 52 symptoms that are on some Lyme list of symptoms. The only two that I didn't have were heavy menstrual periods and lactating breasts (I am a male).
I am the only breadwinner in my household. Not working is not an option for me. Our home and health insurance depend on it as we live paycheck to paycheck. My Lyme doctor only takes cash and is very expensive so I can only see him every 3-4 months. He doesn't do herbals so I have to figure that out for myself.
As I look back at the first few years of the infection when I was at my worst, I wonder how I ever survived. To make things worse, my daily commute is 45 miles in heavy traffic each way. There were times when I had to pull over on the side of the road because I felt so ill, dizzy, with blurry vision, etc, etc. and somehow I always made it to work. I also remember sitting in the couch as I got ready to leave and wondering how I was going to work that day feeling so miserable. I have cried at my misery more than I can count.
Other times my neurological symptoms were so bad that one day I was standing at the door to my building and I could not remember if I was coming or leaving for the day. Other times I was in meetings and I could hear people talking but I could not understand them, as if they were speaking too fast for my brain to comprehend.
Health wise, I am somewhat better than I used to be before I was diagnosed with Lyme. But there are days when I feel so sick that I can barely function. This is when I spend all weekend making spoons to survive the upcoming week. This weekend is one of them.
I owe a lot to my dear wife. She has been so caring and patient with me. If it wasn't for her, I would not have had the energy or desire to fight. I can see in her eyes and hear it in her voice that it hurts her to see me this way. On my good days she is so excited that we get to do things together, instead of me staying behind in bed.
Things will only get worse. My wife and daughter (who lives at home with us) are showing signs of chronic Lyme. I hope I can be there for them as she has been here for me.
Someone mentioned suicide. I would not do it because I would not be in peace leaving my wife with this mess and debt that we have now plus the sorrow that she would go through. It would be cowardly of me to do that to her. I know because if she were to do that I would be so devastated.
When I was initially bitten, I was so sick that I didn't think I would survive a year, yet here I am 6 years later still fighting this thing.
Post Edited (Healing98) : 9/23/2018 8:30:11 PM (GMT-6)