Mental/Emotional Issues (+Lyme it looks like you've had a lot of this)

Yazzer, I did not say enough about your post -- probably still can't, but I do want to acknowledge the help you are offering. The whole attitude thing is part of what is baffling me. I used to thrive on this -- had my workouts, my mantras, my prayers, etc. I had to wait tables for nearly 18 yrs to support myself and 3 kids by myself. I did it and I was successful because I knew how important attitude was. There were periods of time that I walked 3 mi per day AND worked out, then worked 9-10 hr shift wearing ankle weights! And my back killed me back then, too. I never got sick and I knew I had to leave all negative thoughts at home or I would not survive.

What happened? Why does it feel so impossible to change one's attitude w/ this infection? It is like nothing I have EVER experienced, even when I had been treated for depression in the past. I sincerely believe all that you are saying, but it feels so impossible to do. And I see it in so many of others' posts -- there is something about this illness that seems to take over the brain.

THAT has been one of the most difficult things about this disease -- when all this crap takes over my brain, I feel powerless over changing the attitude and positive thoughts, it seriously feels impossible. For me, that seems to be one thing that is particular to Lyme --- not being able to shake off the anxiety and black hole of hopelessness and depression.

Thanks....and the anxiety and depression are indeed the nature of the beast of this Lyme menace. I have been there many many times. The sheer weight of the struggle to get up every day and act like things are okay. Its overwhelming at times and desperate at times. I have wished my self dead and passively contemplated ending it all...but I wasn't suicidal other than just wishing to escape the agony of neuro symptoms that were pervasive day after day. Its not easy and it takes a lot of work. But what got me out was an instinctive fight within to prevail.

It's really not even the fight either. Rather it's trying not to fight anymore and accept one's condition. Maybe I had an edge before, not knowing it was Lyme. I just thought I was doomed to recurring and extreme anxiety with depression. So I read how to overcome this. I did it without meds for the most part because I do not like them and teh anti-depressants did not work anyways. I did take Xanax for a time...a very low dose to take the edge off.

Lyme disease upsets your neurotransmitter functions - the very things that control anxiety and depression. So, once the Lyme load decreases, so will those awful symptoms. I am not saying attitude is the only facet of cure but it plays a paramount role. In the past, not knowing I had Lyme, I somehow prevailed by instinctively reverting to eating healthy, exercising and just simplifying my daily activities as much as possible. These were my abxs and my detox without me even knowing. That coupled with a strong attitude helped me recover time and again. Again, it's not easy ... I ended up in the ER a couple of times thinking I was going to die or afraid I was going to do harm to myself. I did neither thank God. In fact, the last time I ent to the ER about 6 years ago during a flare, they had me in a room with no way to get out - no doorknob on the inside. That struck me to the core and  I vowed never to get myself in such a position again (I had just gone because I thought I would harm myself).

All these years somehow I was able to raise two daughters. I endured a loss of a son to SIDS, I got BS and MS degrees in electrical engineering, I wrote a book, I watercolored (both award winning efforts) and tried to live. I turned the pages on Lyme and saw that it helped me expand my boundaries. None of this is bragging rather, I see now the power of the mind and determination to get by as one important facet of overcoming chronic illness. I still struggle at times and then I revert to my meditation and detox and try and ride the struggle like an ocean wave rather than sink into its depths. It is a gradual process, but it always resolves...keep working it, my friend!

That's my story and I hope no one is offended by this but my experience with Lyme has been life long. Very tough at times but also utterly rewarding at times. And most of all, if I can get through it, then ANYONE can. Bless you all and keep the faith! Sorry for typos...typing on the smart phone is tough!

Post Edited (yazzer) : 1/24/2012 6:32:16 AM (GMT-7)

+Lyme,
Your posts described me just 2 years ago! I was completely hopeless. I had no hope of ever having a life, or being able to function in public again. I haven't been able to function well enough to hold a job since the '80's, so I've been dealing with that for a while, but the other things are harder to deal with!

Believe me, once you find a treatment that will actually work with your body so that you can heal, you will heal! I know that in the last 1 1/2 years since I found the style of medicine that works for me, there has been massive improvements not only physically - both hubby and daughter are still amazed at my progress - but in the whole mental issues area as well! My hubby is the one who sees this the most, but my daughter told me a couple of days ago that there has been a whole lot of improvement with my mental state/abilities as well.

Hang in there!! Maybe it's time for a change? Either a change in protocols or a change in LLMD's could possibly be the right thing to do at this time. I think it's worth checking into at the very least.

I hope the move goes smoothly.

Kimomile,
Hang in there! We all need to vent. Any time any toxins get stirred up or any kind of stress - physical or emotional - gets going, there will almost always be an increase in your symptoms.

Take one thing at a time, and start with those symptoms that are most impacting your life. If it's the extreme fatigue we get, then do everything you can do to ensure you are sleeping well- like having good sleep hygiene, using sleep aides when necessary & that- then leave it. Don't worry further about that, you've done all that you can for yourself and move on to the next 'big' thing.

Once you have gone through and are sure you are doing all that you can do at this time, then it's time to meditate, pray or whatever you choose to help you be at peace with where you are in your healing. Healing comes once you find the right protocol for you and there has been a sufficient amount of time for healing to take place.

I'm back in that boat with you, as I've just started treatment for my Babesia treatment. Boy! I sure got a shot of what's it's like to start treatments all over again! Ugh!

Thanks Yazzer. I needed to hear that I may be on the right track. Did you work? How did it go? I sit here feeling so much guilt because my kid is in preschool and then the rational side of me says, shut up guilt! You need to care for yourself right now.

Anyway, thanks all. Everyday I test new boundaries. I was very outgoing. Not sure how I became such a recluse!...Oh yeah, I have Lyme!

Off to take a bath!

Flowergal,
Why wouldn't you want your hubby knowing what you are going through? He could be there by your side helping you to get through all of this if he knew! There's even a site just for the spouse of someone who has Lyme! It's called LymeSpouse appropriately! www.lymespouse.org/.

It seems that he is already highly interested in what's going on with you, by explaining things to him, he'll better understand why you are doing "that". Seems like it could only help. My hubby, although very supportive at home, didn't & still doesn't want to be involved with any of my treatments. I have to deal with my meds on my own. I would have loved it had he been more interested when I was really ill!!

That's part of what I absolutely love about this site!! We can come here to vent or find a shoulder to lean on - no matter what we may be dealing with!!! Our members rock!! We sure wouldn't have such an awesome site without these members!!!

For those with depersonalization ,what treatment help you with that ,thank you