Lyme is hard on the marriage...sigh

I feel for you Girlie, sorry to hear all this, I know it hasn't been easy for me and my girlfriend the last 10 years after contracting Lyme.

I think women tend to have a lot more empathy when it comes to men contracting lyme versus a woman, I'm sure you've read my other post, so I guess we can leave at that.
https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=4138897&p=2

And lets just say I don't talk to certain males of my family because of the ridicule and lack of empathy, I'm not a small guy, weigh about 230 lbs bench press over 300 lbs, so there's times when I've called out people and are ready to fight man to man those that have criticized me. I really do think it's a lot harder on women at times dealing with this disease, because women have to defend themselves mentally instead of physically.

My girlfriend has always been supportive of me and like what you said, the money issues is what always becomes stressful and can build tension in a relationship.

I know there's going to be a lot of members on here showing ya support soon, I probably didn't add much, but just know I feel for you. Pray and hope for the best that things change considering the amount of publicity in the media with lyme these days, more and more people like this woman representative from Michigan fighting. Like I said in the other post, if it wasn't for some of you strong women like Lorraine Johnson, Kris Newby, and other women fighting... Not sure where we'd be right now with this disease... I think you've helped so many people on the HealingWell forums, I'm sure there will be so many others to show that same help back to you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vcpvv6rxf4

I don't know, I'm a guy, still not good at things like this.

Post Edited (Charlie55) : 7/19/2019 3:34:31 AM (GMT-6)

Charlie55 said...
Like I said in the other post, if it wasn't for some of you strong women like Lorraine Johnson, Kris Newby, and other women fighting... Not sure where we'd be right now with this disease... I think you've helped so many people on the HealingWell forums, I'm sure there will be so many others to show that same help back to you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vcpvv6rxf4

True, Charlie55.

And that is a powerful 5+ minutes speech (by Michigan Democratic Representative Whitsett) if you listen to her, folks.

I’m sorry to hear that girlie and I can relate. It’s been rough on my relationship as well, I believe you did the right thing standing up for yourself though. As more and more comes out about the terrible things we go through will getting well, people will have moral checks and those situations will no longer happen. Hope you feel better.

Regards

I'm so sorry girlie. I get that too. It's very difficult. My boyfriend pays all the bills/mortgage. I simply pay for groceries because the rest of my paycheck goes towards my treatments. I feel like a POS all the time because I ccnt be a contributing partner to him. Hes the one who told me to go to this more expensive lyme doc and that he would pay all the bills. Yet sometimes he makes comments about money too and sends glances my way. I know he wants me to be well but I wonder if he resents me too. The long term sickness crap is soooooo hard. I feel you girlie. Sorry you had the fight but glad you guys hashed it out.

I knew I could count on y’all to understand what I’m going through.
I appreciate every one of you and your support. (Yes, you too Charlie) Even though we haven’t met in person I feel a connection and honestly don’t know how I would have survived these past 5 years if I hadn’t found this forum.

borrelioburgdorferii said...
Girlie, I'm so sorry I wish I could say that I didn't relate to this, but I have a similarly difficult situation, just different details though just as emotionally troublesome and upsetting. I'm sorry you are going through this, it is hellish at times. In other words, yes I relate.

So, anyway you are right about Cancer as people understand that as something.

And just a thought, as I've gone through a Herx or two... Minocycline may be ramping up your symptoms, I only say this because (before treatment fatigue and discontinuing abx) I got all sorts of neuropsychiatric manifestations while treating with herbs and abx, well not to get into great detail but besides all the other unpleasant neuro-symptoms, I found my emotions would get away from me, and I would become very irritable, manic, sometimes irrational with rage, very low tolerance for frustration, cursing like a sailor. Sometimes that's difficult for people to understand. And I've thought about packing up and leaving... with no particular place to go.

I could have gone to my best friend’s home but didn’t want her to think poorly of my husband.

I don’t know if mino is contributing or not. I can’t distinguish side effects versus flare versus herx.
Today is last day of meds - and I’m on 3 weeks off

sandyfeet said...
I'm so sorry Girlie. Warmest hugs!

It is really hard, even when our spouses recognize and understand that we're sick, sometimes it's just so out there and so misunderstood that it has to be difficult for them at times. As you rightly say, if it was cancer then everyone would know how to rally round to support us. Instead we struggle in isolation and so do those who love and support us. This is just one more thing that is so wrong about the situation we find ourselves in with lyme!

Thinking of you and wishing you both a quiet and connected week.

Thank you. I think the difference is Im trying to cut back on unnecessary expenditures so we don’t have to sell our house - but hubby (I think) wouid rather sell and move to a smaller home - and not penny pinch so much.

That’s a convo we need to have - not today though!

bluelyme said...
a man only feels self respect when he can provide for his family. and when they feel respect is compromised for any reason or isn't there then they withdraw their love. when women feel they arent being loved they usually withdraw their respect , then the cycle of craziness ensues. it can be a beautiful symbiotic human trait if both parties honor what drives them emotionally. that yall didnt go to bed angry is a miracle.

Yes blue!

After I got home and we were talking - my husband mentioned being angry with himself for not providing...

running wild said...
Girlie - You are, obviously, a very caring person who has helped many, many people on this forum, and I'm sure, in life. Hate to hear what happened, but glad to hear how this episode ended.

The fact you have written so many good things in your posts about your husband tells a lot. My ex-wife could not handle two years of it, basically forcing me to seek mental help and actually punishing me for getting sick. This was years before I finally got a diagnosis.

Hoping you can talk with your husband and keep your lives together going. Toughest times of your life don't make it any easier. The fact he has, from what I've read in your posts, supportive is rare in people. I pray it all works for both of you and appreciate all the time you spend helping others.

Thank you running wild for your kind words.
Sorry to read about your wife.

So sorry that you are going through this Girlie. I am single but still live at home with my parents and the cost of treating Lyme and the stress that goes along with it has defiantly had a negative affect on my whole family. I can see why you were upset with your husband, Its hard when things are said in the heat of the moment but just think at least he was big enough to apologies to you when you got home, that shows that he knew that he was in the wrong and it shows that he really loves you. I hope that he continues to support you and I also hope that every single person on this board finds a somone who will stand by them through the tough times of dealing with this illness.

bluelyme said...
a man only feels self respect when he can provide for his family. and when they feel respect is compromised for any reason or isn't there then they withdraw their love. when women feel they arent being loved they usually withdraw their respect , then the cycle of craziness ensues. it can be a beautiful symbiotic human trait if both parties honor what drives them emotionally. that yall didnt go to bed angry is a miracle.

Blue,

Wise words here, and true. I didn’t know you could wax eloquent like that;)

WalkingbyFaith said...
I’m so sorry, Girlie. I know your husband is a good man from everything you have said about him and you have a loving relationship. Praying you will continue to love and take care of each other. I know how hurtful words and attitudes can be, especially when we are so sick and emotionally vulnerable. Hugs.

BTW, I don’t think what you said about he wouldn’t say that if you had cancer is necessarily true. Long term illness of any kind that puts a strain on finances and dramatically alters lifestyle will cause frustration. We are all sensitive to the fact that Lyme is so controversial and naturally feel defensive because of it.

He really is good to me and loyal 100%.

We met when I was in high school and he was in University (a party)
So we’ve known each other for a very long time!

I dunno about cancer and if I had it instead - if I’d gotten that reaction from him.
The difference may be that cancer is more feared - because it can result in death... generally with lyme you don’t die from it - you just feel like dying sometimes.

(I realize there are deaths - ie when heart is involved - for instance)

Btw - I hadn’t heard the expression: “wax eloquent” before....took me a minute