Hopeless and want to die

Hello.
I hate myself, I hate this disease and wznt just to die. I have lost my job, my husband, live in a unbearable of nerve pain everywhere in my body, can t walk, cry all day long.
I feel so guilty about all that, I need love and I lost him.
I moced 3 months ago, and my new appartment which seemed ok has now signs of molds...
I am exhausted and dont want this endless hellish spiral anymore.
Just stop the pain.
Nothing function, I am now addicted to benzos bexause they put me in mental hospital.
I tried so much things, bvt, hypethermia, herbs, antibiotics...
I am currently on mino clarithro dapsone and methylene blue, with hout, sida and crypto,and just feel worse than never.
What keeps you on the road when so much despair is crippling you ?

I had the same thought about the huge number of hard-hitting meds and herbs you are taking. Have you tried taking a month or so off to let your system catch up? Your detox pathways might need some time to process out the microbes that have died off, and also to allow the massive amount of inflammation it causes to subside. Your system sounds extremely overloaded and inflamed, in desperate need of a break!

Are you taking supportive supplements - magnesium, curcumin, omega 3s, probiotics? These might help to reduce the inflammation. CBD also can be an enormous help with nerve pain.

Benzos are rough. I would recommend keeping your dose the same or only reducing it very slightly for now, though. No reason to stress out your system when it's already so stressed out.

I like WBF's suggestion to ask about switching apartments. Mold can cause nerve issues, and overloading your system with more neurotoxic substances is the last thing you need. I'm sure the idea of moving is exhausting, though, and extra tough at this time of necessary isolation. Perhaps an advanced air purifier could help for now?

Are you in regular contact with friends and family, even casual acquaintances? The loneliness and stress of the pandemic can be hard on anyone's health, mentally and physically! I'm so sorry to hear that your partner left, and for what that must mean in terms of your ability to care for yourself. What a painful thing to endure.

Many of us have found ourselves in a very hopeless state because of this illness. I know that I have. Sometimes it seems like dying is the only escape! But it isn't. The horrible parts absolutely are horrible, but they are temporary.

Hi, I know it can be really tough with Lyme and bartonella. I have felt like I wanted to die, because I was just feeling so sick, but I'm glad I kept going because things did get a lot better for me after a while. Keep hanging in there!

Maybe you should take some time off...and see what your baseline is.

I recently did that. I don't have my notes with me...but It was about 8 weeks.

Bullekideambule, sorry you are in so much pain. I would also say to detox from some of your heavier herbs and/or abx. Some things that may help that I'm sure you've heard of: magnesium, and epsom salt bath/showers, gentle teas like lavender or peppermint, plenty of sleep if you have that luxury, alka seltzer gold with lemon juice and water...also siberian ginseng (eleuthero root powder) an adaptogen may lower inflammation, also Claritin (generic is Loratadine) to ease histamine reactions...I hope you find healing. (NTFactor, if you can find it and afford it there, may heal your nerves and give some energy.)

I don't know if this exist where u live but I've personally been dying since two weeks, bedridden h24, symptoms, not knowing what's going on and everything that falls appart.
My LLMD called a Crisis Centrum... Things are hard but I've talked to them already three times and they are really kind and seem to help so well in crisis state... !
It makes me emotionally a bit better and makes me ask questions about myself and lyme.
Maybe something to consider if it exists where u live !
Don't give up..... ❤️

Thank you all.
I stopped all my meds, just took mino and clarithro. Things were a little better wednesday, but all came with a vengeance yesterday.
I can t move, I am bedridden and nobody believes me with the mold, my family or doctors... totally unknown in my country.
The detox, I do all of these thongs since the beginning 4 years ago. It never helped.
I posted a video of my blood ( named "bluelyme and the other microscopists).
I dont know which species of spirochetes I have ( positive for Bb stricto sensu and barto henselae ) but nothing seems to be able to kill them, even dapsone !
I am doing the dnrs program, try to relax etc etc...
But my life is just caught out of me day after day. This sickness is winning, whatever I try.
And concerning my teeth, they are perfectly fine, I never had any pb with them. I did a panoramic xray 2 years ago when I saw a ex Klinghardt naturopath in Germany.
I did some parasite cleanses, 5 months of 1500mg of alinia per day, biltricide, pyrantel etc...
I am so exhausted because of the pain and the handicap in this ****ing right side. The death seems to be my only way to go.

did u read my reply on the microscopy? that is a lot of charcot crystals... fast and seal gut u you will feel better then make a plan to get out of pain for good