Struggling with bad depression

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering how you all deal with the depression that stems from this illness? I have probably improved approximately 50% in the last 3 years treating which I am very grateful for. However, this year my depression has been getting a lot worse and I'm struggling to cope.

I just don't know how to deal with all of the deep trauma that I've experienced from this illness (10 years undiagnosed - pretty much came back from the verge of death at my worst when I finally got a diagnosis and started treating). I don't want to talk about my mental health struggles with anyone in my life to not burden them, so I just keep everything inside and battle alone.

My main symptom has always been extreme pain (fatigue/depression 2nd). I've been taking tramadol for around 4 years now, every day. I've tried to come off multiple times but I have always ended up really struggling with the pain if I don't have any relief, and tramadol is the only thing I've found to take the edge off. Has anyone managed to successfully come off their meds after treatment? I really wish I wasn't so dependent on pain medication.

Not sure the point of this post. I'm just wondering if anyone out there has dealt with bad depression and managed to get through it.

Thanks a lot.

I have it as well. Unbearable.

Hi, Destiny,

Talking about it really is a good start. I'm so sorry that you feel like you have to keep your struggles inside in order to avoid burdening others. I grew up in a family that believed asking for help was weak, and that mental illness was a willpower deficiency. I definitely understand feeling like you can't be a bother to others, no matter how much pain you may be in. Stigma is garbage. I understand that the people around you are who they are, but at least reject that stigma for yourself. Are there support groups nearby for chronic pain or Lyme? A friend who is an empathetic listener?

Trauma does not go away on its own. It can feel like adding insult to injury when we already have so much to manage with these complex illnesses, but trauma can exacerbate, prolong, and even predispose us to chronic illness. Trauma all on its own can cause most of the symptoms people talk about here, including depressed immunity, inflammation, dysautonomia, gut dysbiosis and GI issues, insomnia, brain fog, anxiety, depression, chronic pain, nerve pain and dysfunction, dizziness, and arrhythmias. So when we also have infections, it's important to address the trauma and mental health components in order to make sure they're not adding to the problem and preventing us from getting better. We have to address it. (It sounds like you know that, I just like to to belabor this point because a lot of people think that traumatic effects will dissipate once enough microbes die, but that's not necessarily how it works.)

Therapy can be extremely helpful, especially with a therapist who has experience with chronic illness patients. There are many types of therapy, so you may want to do some reading and try a few in order to find which one might resonate best for you. Cognitive behavioral therapy, expressive therapy, art therapy, Internal Family Systems therapy, narrative therapy, etc. There's also EMDR, which is a type of therapy used for trauma specifically; it involves changing the way the brain processes trauma, with relatively little discussion, and can yield results within a few sessions. Understanding how trauma affects the body is both fascinating and key to figuring out how to unravel the hold it has on us.

Some practices I find helpful for processing include tapping (EFT) and the Curable app. Journaling can be great as long as it doesn't become an echo chamber reinforcing negative thought patterns. DNRS limbic system retraining can be fabulous. Connecting with a spiritual practice can be helpful, as can time outdoors. A good diet, vitamin D, B vitamins, and possibly adaptogenic herbs can make a difference. CBD or cannabis can be a more natural version of a "rescue med" if you are wary of benzodiazepines like Xanax. Full-spectrum light lamps can help, especially this time of year (in the Northern hemisphere) as days get shorter.

I did rape crisis work for many years, so that's the lens from which I'm speaking. I've seen what trauma can do to bodies with no Lyme involved, and it's gnarly, so I feel like it's important to address as much as we can.

I hope you find suggestions in one of these posts that help you to feel slightly more hopeful today! May you find relief very soon!

Destiny,

I would also suggest two other things:

1. Mold - make sure you are not being exposed to mold at home, work, or anywhere you’re spending a lot of time. Mold exposure can keep people bogged down with those symptoms - pain, fatigue, depression.

2. Gut Health - gut issues can also contribute to those symptoms significantly, as the gut affects neurotransmitters, hormones, nutrients, etc, and imbalances of those things can create pain, fatigue, and depression. There are all kinds of gut issues that we are susceptible to - yeast, mold, parasites, SIBO, leaky gut, gluten sensitivity, food sensitivities, etc.

Most everyone with Lyme/co or CIRS from mold has high titers for myco, CPN, and viruses.

To check for mold toxins, I would advise the Great Plains MycoTox test or Real-time Labs. Great Plains seems to be better and cheaper, but Medicare and Tricare cover Realtime’s test (if those apply to you).

You can also look into information on CIRS at survivingmold.com. There are tests for CIRS and doctors who are certified in the Shoemaker protocol. If you have mycotoxins, the first step is doing an ERMI test on your environment(s) to see what kind of exposure you’re in. Once exposure is eliminated, then you take binders and usually glutathione to detox. Sauna is supposed to be very beneficial, too. Cholestyramine is the strongest binder.