LabRatDeluxe said...
Lymie24 what do you mean by accepting this disease mentally? I found that part interesting because I don't know if I have done that (or should).
In the modern psychological world a concept that does a good job encompassing what I am trying to say is "Radical Acceptance" Check this link out as it can explain it better than I can.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/being-your-best-self/202203/the-healing-power-radical-acceptance
The ideas behind radical acceptance are not new. These ideas have roots in ancient philosophies such as stoicism or buddhism. However, the concept of radical acceptance is likely more palatable for a Western audience since it doesn't come with the baggage that complete doctrines/dogmas like stoicism or buddhism present.
For myself personally. It took a long time to psychologically accept key elements of my existence once I got sick. These elements included me not being in control, not being able to live as I did before I got sick, realizing that I wasn't going to get better all of a sudden or that I was going to find some miracle treatment that would reverse things quickly, and other things along those lines.
I only found peace with my illness the last couple years. I got bit it 2015. I realized that while I am not giving up hope about
finding treatments/lifestyles to improve that this is a chronic illness and I will likely be dealing with some form of "disability" for the rest of my life. Previously, I was frantically fighting against this. I was convinced that my doctor would switch up my treatment plans and I would get back to normal quickly. I would pick an arbitrary date in the future, say like 6 months down the road, and convince myself I would be back to my pre-sick self at that point. Of course, that never happened. When it wouldn't happen I would be super upset. I'd get down. Over time my hope would build up again and then I would repeat the same process with the same result.
Let me give some further background on myself to help you understand. My dad was a type A high achiever. He was a navigator on C-130s. He later became a commander over an entire wing(base) and retired as a full-bird colonel. Career achievement was life achievement for him. He loved us (his kids) but I really wonder if he loved his career more when he was younger. That's the environment I grew up in. That's what I understood. There was unspoken pressure to live that high achievement lifestyle and I went for it. Before I got sick I was a college graduate in which I won student of the year in my department. I joined the military as an intel analyst. I was on track to becoming an officer. Outside of work/school I was a gym rat and habitual line pusher. I constantly pushed myself physically and enjoyed trying to give off the perception of being "hardcore" to others.
When I got sick and all of those self-identities were involuntarily taken from me there was lots of shame. I was supposed to be this strong, physically and mentally, high achieving man. I wasn't able to do the things that made me feel like a "man" anymore. Looking back I can see I had a silly mindset, but at that time this really jacked me up.
So, literally, and in all earnestly, accepting my chronic illness for what it is has helped me mentally in a way that is hard to overstate. I have accepted I am a biological organism in this reality. The same rules of nature that apply to other animals, trees, plants, microbes, whatever, also apply to me. I am not special. I don't live outside of nature. I can't force my self into wellness through some sort of manly willpower lol. I'm probably never going to be some great adventurer traveling all over the world with undeniable vitality. I'm prob never going to be some high flying career achiever. I'm prob never going to be a physical beast. Hell, I prob will never be able to play men's league hockey again which was my favorite sport. All of this is okay. There is no good reason to feel shameful for existing in nature and nature's rules.
This doesn't mean I don't continue to try and improve condition and it doesn't mean I don't have hope. It just means that my mental well-being no longer depends on it anymore.
Sorry for the long text. Trying to explain myself thoroughly. Let me know if you have any question
