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Good news- but MAJOR guilt trip

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Lyme Disease
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Posted 7/17/2009 11:33 AM (GMT -5)
(drum roll please).......

I've found a way to get the money for treatment! yeah tongue

I've got a no-interest loan from some family members. As long as I can pay them back in 5 or 6 years, they'll be fine. They can afford it for now, and in a couple of years, I'll be out of school, and will be able to afford to pay them back.

We had many long discussions on WHAT we were going to do. I've already started treatment with natural supplements and stuff- but it was expensive enough I could only afford it for a short time.

The natural route is more expensice than antibiotics would be, and it takes a lot longer than antibiotics to work, so my family is thinking that if they are going to spend the money, we'd be better to spend it on antibiotics.

Also- I have more faith in antibiotics (this is really just a personal choice/comfort thing). And I want to kick this before it makes me really sick. I've already had a herx and some improvement on just the natural treatment, so (despite my test result) i'm fairly confident I have Lyme.

Going to the states would be expensive- but my Dad goes there for business, so I can just go when he goes, and his company will cover the cost of the hotel room. And we have enough airmiles to pay for at least the first couple appointments.

 I have an appointment booked with a Seattle LLMD on August 6th.

But I'm having a major guilt trip right now.

I just feel guilty about my family going to all this expense, when I'm not that sick. And telling myself I'll pay them back eventually doesn't really help. It's not a matter of being ashamed to have to borrow money- it's just feeling terribly guilty, because I am worried they might not have enough money, and they are just telling me they do.

After all the times my GP has told me there is nothing wrong....I feel like maybe I should just shut-up and push through this. He's made me feel guilty about wanting to be healthy. If I can still work, and walk and if I can learn to work around my symptoms, then why should my famly be going to all this trouble?

And I'm terrified I'll go to Seattle, and the doctor there will tell me I don't have Lyme disease, and we'll have spent all this money on nothing, and still be no closer to finding any answers...

And then of course I feel guilty for worrying and complaining about this, because I know there are people out there who would give their right leg to get to see a LLMD!

 

Posted 7/17/2009 11:58 AM (GMT -5)
I live in the Seattle area - there are a couple of very good LLMD's here.  They are "big picture" people who are concerned with your overall health and want you to get better.  If you're going to who I think you are, you're taking some very positive steps to getting well again.

Try to just put aside the worry and guilt.  Please go.  My Dr. works primarily with Fatigue/Fibro patients.  She did a VERY complete blood work up and infection testing.  We found all kinds of things - low folate, iron, DHEA. cortisol, Lyme and chlamydia pneumonia.  It has been the best money I've ever spent. 

Even if it turns out not to be Lyme - these Drs may find it is something else - CFS, Fibro, HHV-6, mycoplasma, C. pneumonia, etc etc.   And they can help you with these things too.  Please go.

Posted 7/17/2009 12:18 PM (GMT -5)
You may not be "that sick now", but if you do have Lyme...you will get sicker over time.

Better to kick butt now!
Posted 7/17/2009 12:44 PM (GMT -5)
I know going is the right thing to do- I know that I will get worse if I don't do something, I just have this darn irrational guilt! I want to fix whatever it is- but I also feel like I'm being really selfish. My family is still not fully convinced about the Lyme thing- but they are helping anyway. They're doing it because I told them it was what I would want to do if I could...

And Agmaar- I got the names/numbers of two doctors- Dr. M and Dr. R. I'm seeing Dr. R because he has more experience with out-of-country patients- and can help with getting prescriptions filled, and do phone consults instead of appointments, and I know someone who went to him and really liked him. But I've had enough bad experiences that I dread all doctor's appointments now.
Posted 7/17/2009 1:33 PM (GMT -5)
Nicky D, this is great news for you. it is awesome you have the support at home. so many do not have this and it does add to your wellness. feeling guilty is a part of life. we always feel it when others try to help you its a normal thing really. but think of it as now i can bet this and be able to live life again :)

wishing you all the best,
Posted 7/17/2009 1:34 PM (GMT -5)
I know a couple of people who see Dr. R.  They have the highest opinion of him.  I go to Dr. M.  I think she is the bestest.  Very supportive and responsive.  I thought maybe I had CFS that would never be diagnosed but she found the Lyme.  I may yet be referred to Dr. R if we decide more aggressive treatment is needed. 

I think you're going to find Dr R. very informative and supportive.  You're doing a good thing.  turn

And I aggree - you haven't necessarily bottomed out as far as how sick you are.  If you get something else that attacks your immune system the Lyme may become a lot more active.

 

Posted 7/17/2009 1:53 PM (GMT -5)
NICKY: If your family was offering to pay for a vacation for you, you prlbably wouldnt think twice. Let them help you. They are your family. I am sure you would extent the same help for them.
Posted 7/17/2009 8:42 PM (GMT -5)
Nicky,

This is great news! Let your family help you get better. It is very important that you tackle this now. This is a blessing:)

And hey, you never know...they just may need YOU one day.
Posted 7/18/2009 10:01 AM (GMT -5)
That is wonderful news! As stated earlier, you may not be that sick now, but if you have Lyme, you will get sicker. Nip it now.
You have truly been blessed with a wonderful family.
And CajunGirl is so right. They may need you in the same regard one day.
Posted 7/18/2009 6:56 PM (GMT -5)
Nicky, it's the right thing to do for your family as well as yourself. If you don't get treatment and get sicker in the future, you will feel badly that you did not do it for yourself and them. They don't want to see you get sicker either!
Posted 7/19/2009 11:24 PM (GMT -5)
Hi

So I just sat down and had a big discussion with my family, and that helped a lot. Basically, they said I was an idiot (in an affectionate way). They ARE doing this because their my family- but they really can afford it. And CajunGirl- I've already been informed that my parents expect me to be their chief-gruel feeder.

So now just three weeks until my appointment, and then I'll have the opinion of a doctor who is actually going to do something for me. So I'm just going to revel in that knowledge, and throw being guilty out the window for now! Because I really am extremely happy to finally be doing something about this!
Posted 7/20/2009 12:15 AM (GMT -5)
Nicky,

There you go!

I'm so happy they are sticking by your side like this. Support is so important.
Posted 7/20/2009 8:16 AM (GMT -5)
It's good that you are feeling better about it. I think that the two worst things for you are guilt and fear. It is hard to let go of them, but to heal it is important. Concentrate on getting well and accept the help and the love.
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