Need some help.

I am 26, I have had lyme since '04 and i am currently doing my second picc line of rocephin. 4 weeks in, 2 to go, as far as insurance is concerned. No improvement yet. I am scared because this depression/anxiety thing is getting out of control. It is so bad sometimes it physically hurts. I have taken anti-depressants in the past, I don't like them. The side effects make them not worth it. I've tried Xanax for the anxiety but it's too strong and I am sensitive to most medications. I am in a wonderful relationship (3.5 yrs), although my illness has taken it's toll and things have not been the greatest lately. I have a great job and I'm doing really well career-wise. My parents are in the middle of a divorce. My mom has also had lymes for 23 years (we are very close). I've lost all interest in sex (partially due to another condition) and have also lost interest in doing most things I enjoy (horseback riding, gardening, making jewelry, keeping friends...). I am only 26 and I feel like i am not living.

So the gist of my rambling...I'm having a hard time hanging on. I have never talked to other lyme people, or have been on a forum before. But what could be better than talking to people that understand? I'm tired of people thinking I'm being dramatic, or I'm just overly sensitive. I am depressed. Anxious. Uncomfortable in my own skin. And sometimes I don't want to live. If I am not crying, I am usually quiet, but I am screaming on the inside. I don't know how to pick myself up, and I feel alone.

I guess what I'm asking is how do you hold on. I've been holding on for a long time and I am tired.

God thank you so much, i started reading your reply and just burst into tears. I try to remind myself to just breathe, which I am doing now! Why don't people take me, or this disease seriously? When someone sees a cancer patient, the don't doubt or question them. So why this? Here I am, with this darn IV hanging out of my arm, and I still have to struggle and deal with people not taking me seriously. I don't know how much more I can cry. I just can't stop. It's hard to remember good days, but I am trying to patiently waiting for one. I see my doc tomorrow too. It's just scary and frustrating that this disease has so much control physically and mentally. I do agree that somehow, through all of this, we will have a better understanding and appreciation for life. Unfortunately right now, life is just frustrating me! Although I don't know you, that means more than I can put in to words. Thank you again.