Do you ever feel like you live an alternate life/split personality?

I don't mean an actual personality/identity disorder...I just feel like who I am at home with my parents is completely different from who I am at work. At work I go well out of my way to help my coworkers, I am always friendly and patient, always getting my work done. I control my emotions well and always stay mature and professional. But then at home my emotions are all over the place, I can get very nasty with my parents, I guess that is the "lyme rage" I've heard of (they aren't exactly supportive and usually we don't even see each other or talk to each other despite living in the same house). I'm called lazy, stupid, I'm impatient with everyone and everything except my dog, and am told to "just get over it." I am always stressed at home, while work makes me feel like I'm worth something when I can help someone out. I feel like I am living two completely different lives. And yet I hate my job (just not the people I work with).

It is stressful because lately I am wondering who I really am? Am I really the nice girl at work who is just over stressed at home? Or am I the overly emotional mess that I am at home, but I'm just too shy to show it at work? I have no idea. I feel like I'm too much of a wreck to be in any kind of relationship, and I have no friends. So I guess that should answer my question...

If I spent all day everyday at work, I would probably always be this falsely happy, productive person. But if something happened where I couldn't work and stayed home, I would be entirely miserable all day, every day. It's amazing how I can go from black to white. I guess I just need to get out of the house more, but I have no one to go anywhere with.

Yes, Alaskah,

You need to do more things that make you happy. Doesn't have to be heroic or expensive or even take that much time. Just do something you like to do at least once a day. It's not a waste of time if you enjoy it!

Also if you start doing something you love, you'll come in contact with other people who are positive and doing what they love, too.

Don't worry about pretending to be Miss Mary Sweetness at work. Honestly, it just makes everything easier and helps everybody have a good day. I worked with a woman who was negative and complained every minute of the day.l.. didn't realize what a drain this was until she quit. What a relief!

Hope your mom considers working on her health and that things start to turn around for you.

Alaskah you remind me so much of myself! I felt the exact same way when I was working...I was like this perfect employee then I'd go home and I'd be miserable. It's really tough because we do have to be another person at work. When I'm working I become the person I'd rather be and not the person I am, a person with a chronic illness. Sometimes it's nice to pretend I'm not.

My home environment has been so toxic for me. The burden of living with a family that doesn't understand and isn't supportive is sometimes half the battle. I think you're probably right though, they bring out the worst in you. If you can't get out I think all you can do is try to distance yourself from them as much as possible, and try not to let them in your head.