Losing focus

My entire life has centered around one thing for so long...being sick and trying to get better. But lately I'm really slipping. I was starting to feel a little bit better. I can drive again and have socialized a bit and have felt a little more in control of my life. These are all good things, right? Except I'm slipping. I've lost focus on my number one priority - being healthy and getting better. Today I ate a ton of halloween candy. I didn't even try to resist. Lately I'm letting myself fall back into sleeping late, and I sort of hate myself for it. It's like I'm not even trying anymore. I have no motivation to do all the healthy things I need to do to get better. I'm so stuck in trying to make each day as pleasant as possible that I've stopped making the necessary sacrifices to get better. All I do anymore is count down the days until my next doctor appointment. It's like my full time job is recovering from Lyme...but I'm not doing a very good job at it. And I know it's not helpful to beat myself up over it, but I also know I'm not doing myself any good by denying the problem.

It's really hard lately to stay focused on why it's so important to be healthy. I'm thinking in the short term and have no discipline whatsoever anymore. I'm starting to resent and hate all the healthy things I'm supposed to be doing. I don't want to drink a ton of water every day. I don't want to take pill after pill after pill. I don't want to eat healthy. I just want to be a normal person who doesn't have to give a second thought to whether or not I should eat the cookie sitting in front of me. I obviously don't want to be sick forever, but I've sort of just stopped trying to get better. All I do is try to get through the days and make them seem as short as possible...but living like that is worth nothing. I don't even know what the light at the end of the tunnel looks like. This lifestyle is all I know anymore. I've lost the ability to imagine the life that I want for myself. I'm trapped in a lot of negative thinking and all I can see are the obstacles to my life being a happy one.

I just don't know how to get back on track. I'm disappointed in myself for not being stronger right now. I feel like I've completely given in and surrendered. I've been sick my whole life, and now I finally have a chance to get my health back for the first time since I was a kid! ...and I'm blowing it. I'm not fighting the good fight, not fighting as hard as I could be. How do I get motivated??

Hi border,

I was definitely where you are now. Recognizing where you are and knowing that you don't want to be there is half the battle, I reckon.

Just taking your medicine is not going to get you well. But you know that.

Start writing lists. Lists of what you want to do when you are well. Lists of places you want to go. Write a very short list of what you will do tomorrow. Even draw pictures of the life you want to have. Get the crayons out!!

Is there a friend or family member who has said they want to help. Use them as a "Get Well Coach". They could remind you of your goals and help you remember what you wanted to be doing. It helps to be accountable to someone. They need to be supportive and gentle, not a drill Sargent, though!

I'm sure you are tired of fighting, but reach down and pull up those boot straps! If you can get past this lull, you'll pick up some momentum and everything will get so much easier. There is so much fun to be had -- don't miss out anymore than you have to!

And yes, Jessica is right, a little treat every once in a while is a good and necessary thing. But you've indulged yourself enough now let's get on to the business of living. That's it: consider it your job to get better. You watch TV shows and movies, don't you? You see all sorts of characters fighting for their lives against ridiculous and impossible odds (while still looking good!). Think of yourself as one of those heroes. Use your imagination to save yourself.

Put on that superhero cape and fight the good fight!!!

Border:

Oh, I can sooooooooooooo relate to your story....... I feel the same so many days. Just remember, that we CAN and WILL get better!

I too was falling off the wagon for a few weeks, but just yesterday, started my green smoothies and my detox program. It stinks that we cannot just reach for this or that but if you think about it..almost everyone...healthy or not has limitations. No one really should be reaching for that cookie...right??!!!

Hang in there! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! WE CAN DO THIS!!!!! WE WILL DO THIS!!!!