Posted 11/2/2014 4:41 PM (GMT -5)
And not just acceptance, but how you accept things.
So much of our suffering is due to how we react to things.
If, when we are suffering, we try to run away from it or ruminate and curse it (a kind of running toward it) we add a lot of suffering on top of the original.
The better way is to just allow the pain to be exactly what it is, and then to
give it simple nonjudgmental awareness. Just let it be what it is and gently as possible focus on it. This is kind of a form of meditation.
You can also say to yourself, "can I find room for this feeling? Even just for a few minutes?" Every little bit helps. This can also be looked at as staying with the reality of the situation rather than exaggerating about it or trying to deny it's existence, both of which strategies are distortions of reality.
I'm not saying there is no place for distracting yourself from pain, but the more you can use the above "simple awareness" technique, the less suffering you will experience. There's also a similar breathing technique that can be used when things seem overwhelming. This all works with any kind of pain, both physical and psychological. Zinn covers all of this and much more. It all comes under the general heading of "Mindfulness".
I've used these techniques for the worst anxiety attack imaginable, and they've always worked.
The nonjudgmental part is most important. When "sitting" with the pain, avoid any thoughts like "This is awful", "it's going to get worse", "what if it get's worse and worse?", I can't bear this", etc. Whenever you start to do this, you gently, without getting angry with yourself, return to the simple, bare focused awareness of the feelings. Avoid even any negative characterizations of the feelings. They are exactly what they are, and you are just paying them full attention and nothing else.