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I feel so lonely......

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Posted 11/12/2014 12:14 PM (GMT -5)
I planned on going back to work once my kids were in upper elementary school. I used to teach HS biology and chemistry. I really miss teaching kids. I had my certification renewed 6 yrs ago hoping to land a job. But then I became mysteriously sick overnight with severe debilitating panic attacks.

I went to many doctors and was put on numerous psych meds and referred to a counselor. I was too sick to work. I wasted 2 yrs getting nowhere. Soon, my hair started falling out. My muscles became weak and I had to give up activities with family and friends. I was tired. My world was getting smaller and smaller.

My teaching license has expired. I am no longer qualified to teach. I am too sick anyway.

My day consists of getting the kids off to school, and then laying or sitting on the sofa with my dog and my iPad. I literally sit there from 7:30 AM til 4:00 PM, when I start dinner.

I get up once in awhile a to do laundry or go grocery shopping. But then it's right back to the sofa. I am just too weak and tired to do much else.

I was just wondering what other people do to pass their time.

I used to have an active, fun filled life. A career, dinner parties, going out with friends, skiing........ Now I am all alone. Sitting on my sofa with my cute little dog, Tutu. Thank God for her!

I was doing slightly better this summer, but have been going downhill since starting treatment. I am more tired, more weak, and have worse anxiety.

I just don't know how to fill a day. Is there anyone else out there like me? Is this common?
Posted 11/12/2014 12:27 PM (GMT -5)
Hi Utahgal,

Thanks for sharing, this can be really hard to admit. It's like we are not supposed to say we feel lonely, yet we know humans are such social creatures by nature. So of course we feel lonely when we are not getting much social interaction or stimulation. I think it's a huge problem in our society, and even more so for people who are weak and sick. If it weren't for this forum I may have lost it by now.

Yes, I've been through two phases in the last two years of feeling exactly like this. The only things that really help me are prayer and meditation, watching my pastor on TV or online (Lakewood church), watching all the uplifting messaging on OWN (Oprah's channel) especially the Super Soul Sunday messaging, talking to family and friends on the phone, and doing a little exercise when I can.

Lately I've been really bored but some days I just can't get off the couch after taking my meds in the morning. My tailbone even hurts from being on my arse so long! Recently I discovered that my TV cable service has exercise programs On Demand. Some of the exercise program options are as short as 8 minutes and include simple things like stretching, yoga, and ballet moves on the floor. Even on my tiredest (a word?) days, if I can muster the energy to slide from the couch to the floor, lol, I feel better doing a little tiny bit of a workout. This has really started to lift my spirits. And some days I get so much energy I can go outside for a beautiful long walk or short run. I can't predict it, but knowing I have the option of boosting my spirits through the TV programming is helping.

I see you posting on here often and your input is really helpful. Please keep it up, and feel free to direct message me if you need a more personal connection. :-)

I'm praying for you right now,
Maui
Posted 11/12/2014 12:45 PM (GMT -5)
I think this is a lot more common than most of us even like to admit to!! It's one reason why I'm on here so much - if I feel like I'm helping someone, my day isn't "wasted" - even though I still clean house, do laundry, & cook (sometimes! LOL!) - all things I couldn't do for several years though. I still spend much too much time online, but when I feel like I'm helping someone, it helps me.

Do what you can when you can without pushing yourself so much that you hurt or have increased symptoms the next day (or days). It's hard to motivate myself after I've been through a bad period, but by doing this, I keep myself from dipping down into depression (which I'm currently battling & overcoming now with herbs).

Maui's suggestions of looking for some tv programming that will encourage you to move is a great one - or if you can find something uplifting it would be good as well.

You can start a new hobby - when I was really sick I got into hand quilting -and loved it. You could do most any hobby that doesn't require you to be on your feet that you find interesting. Or you could volunteer either in person or online. There are a lot of places that would accept even occasional help!
Posted 11/12/2014 12:49 PM (GMT -5)
I'm right there with you utahgal. Super effing lonely.

To pass the time I draw and paint alot. Couch friendly art I use pastels. I crochet too like an old grandma. I watch funny movies. I sing with my kid (only 2 so no school)..

The days just seem to keep going by.. unproductive. Unrelentless. It feels like fake life.

It feels good to create things. I really like art and writing. Get yourself some pastels and thick paper. I've ran out and cut up a cardboard box to draw on haha and it turned out so cool I hung it by my front door. It's the tree of life and says "like branches on a tree we all grow in different directions but our roots remain as one".

Call your family members. Call old friends. Join a Lyme support group in your area and make new friends.
Posted 11/13/2014 3:57 AM (GMT -5)
I feel exactly like you. I feel Like I lost my Life years ago. Been sick so long I can't remember not being in pain. I only started antibiotics 3 weeks ago Its not even with a LLMD so not feeling like it is even going to help. I sit home alone wondering if I'm going to see another Christmas or what's going to happen to my daughter if I don't make it ( I'm the only family she has) Step father and her don't get along and her father's been out of her life for many years.

I try to keep busy by playing an online game and watching TV but the days are long . Finding this site helps .At least there are people who understand the pain and loneliness. I came close to not posting anymore. But people on here are very nice .Maybe this site will help you feel less lonely too.

I wish you get better soon, you need to be there for your child. My prayers are with you.
Posted 11/13/2014 6:48 AM (GMT -5)
Brave.
Courageous.
Wise.

This is what we ARE, and SO MUCH MORE.

It's a gift each time I read a post from each one of you, especially during the tough times and struggle.

I am blessed to know you are here with us, still trying, still reaching out to be heard, and thus, supported.
When you write, it is still Hope within reaching out for a hand.

And, there's lots of hand reaching back to support others here, thankfully!!
Posted 11/13/2014 9:07 AM (GMT -5)
Have you seeked out any lyme support groups? I'm not at a point where I can't work but I do feel pretty alone (and I have a great support network compared to many). So I really can't imagine and I'm so sorry. Absolutely seek out support through local lyme chapters, hospitals, whatever is available. Consider counseling as well.

If you ever get better to work consider tutoring (either at your own home or traveling to people's homes). My Mom even worked as an in school (parrot?) type tutor for a local school district and worked part time. She'd pull kids out of class as needed and was hired on by the school district. Maybe making "lyme goals" as I like to call them will help you. I like to think about all I have now, but how great it will be to add X. Y. and Z when I get better (or start to feel better little by little). Gives me something to work towards despite this awful illness

When I have couch potato days I just allow it to happen. Watch bad TV, surf the web on my tab, stuff like that. Maybe read a good book (Like the Dr Horowitz book?) It's ok to allow yourself to heal. If you can, make it as productive as possible (sip hot lemon water, or aid in the detox).

I've really taken to the Lyme Less Live More website. I signed up for the detox (not a true detox) but it's a page set up by Dana from Under Our Skin. She and her partner have videos up that I find helpful and fascinating. You can also sign up for a free two day trial of the regular site to see if you like it. But that's productive and requires sitting on the couch :)

Post Edited (cappuccinocurls) : 11/13/2014 7:10:09 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/13/2014 10:02 AM (GMT -5)
With all this extra time we can learn as much as we can about LD and how to get better,
Balance though
=]chloe
Posted 11/13/2014 10:59 AM (GMT -5)
Thank you everyone. This is so difficult to go through. I feel really weak and sick today. I bounce between the sofa and my bed. My little dog keeps me company. I like to read all of your posts.

I have to learn to just take one day at a time. It takes everything I have to get thru the day. I so often wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I selfishly want to "go", but that is just not an option with 2 kids. I could never leave them without a mother.

I have not made any gains on my new abx, doxy and flagyl. It's been 3 weeks of that plus another 4 weeks on mino and malarone. I only feel more tired, more anxious, more weak. I have also developed aching muscles. The detox baths do help a little with that.

I will continue to post and gain strength from all of you kind people. Thank you for listening and understanding.
Posted 11/13/2014 12:13 PM (GMT -5)
Utahgal, antibiotics are really hard on the body,
You sound like me when I was taking them, it was super awful.
My mom said, no more, my kid's not getting healthy this way
She started learning about herbs and such,
Hang tough
=]chloe
Posted 11/13/2014 3:43 PM (GMT -5)
So sorry Utahgal. I prayed for peace, hope, strength and vision for you through these long, tough days. There have been lots of good suggestions from others - are any of them workable? Have you ever made a bucket list? Maybe a short term one and a long term one? You and your life are so valuable, not only to your kids and family but to the rest of us. Lots of love and hugs to you! :-)
Posted 11/13/2014 4:55 PM (GMT -5)
I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely, like many others do. Depending on where you live, the winter can make it worse, so brighter lights can help some and maybe a SAD (seasonal affective disorder) light would benefit you some. My daughter is impacted by the lower light during the winter. We have cloudy, rainy days during the winter and if it snows and sticks, she'll feel more alert from the brightness.
Posted 11/13/2014 8:27 PM (GMT -5)
hang in there utahgal. this illness takes a long while to heal up but it can get much much better, and in treatment it sometimes gets worse first. If it has been going on a long time it just takes long to heal it. Hang in there.
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