Horrible anxiety and depersonalization/derealization

So sorry you are experiencing the anxiety. We've had quite a few discussions about that here on the forum—there are more than a few of us familiar with that feeling—the depersonalization/derealization, slo-mo process like you're watching something happen to you. It's crazy and unsettling.

But rest assured, it is the lyme playing with your head. I was riding my bike today and about 1/2 block down the street I had a horrible feeling that it wasn't me riding the bike and that I couldn't feel myself touching the handles and I couldn't feel the seat underneath my seat… I felt like I was going to fly off any minute and had to tell myself how to ride it (grip the handles, steer, pedal, brake). It's enough to make you question your sanity.

I think it is natural and probably a little healthy to be scared. This is scary stuff and it's not for the weak-willed. You are experiencing a lot of uncertainty. When I'm feeling overwhelmed with a lack of control, I try to take things one step at a time. Talking through it (like posting) is pretty helpful.

Also, there are quite a few success stories from treatment… seek those out—set some goals for yourself (short-term) like steps for action to take and permission to not do anything you don't want to do if you need a break. And give yourself a comforting barometer for your own progress… things to target or milestones to pass. That's why it's so beneficial to build a relationship with a good LLMD and to document your daily progress if you can (not easy to do at all but pretty important).

And..holidays are coming up—is there anything that you really enjoy doing that you can try to focus your energy on?

-p

I know exactly how it feels. Depersonalization is the hardest thing so far I've had to deal with. Looking down at your arms and hands and feeling like they aren't part of your body. is very traumatizing. It was really intense for a few months but now it has finally completely gone away. One thing that helped me was to focus on details of my surroundings. It sounds crazy but when I would go to the grocery store I would look at things and identify my surroundings like "hey there is a yellow banana" or that's toucan sam on the cereal box." I think it helps to focus your mind on normal things that you know are there instead of asking questions in your head. I really felt like I was in a dream and I was never going to feel normal again. I swear to you I would take any amount of physical pain over that feeling but just remember you're not the only one that has experienced this and you will be ok.

I am in that exact place right now. i came on the forum tonight expecting to go searching through old posts but here it is right here. Just like you, mine came on suddenly tonight and I'm scared to even fall asleep. I just want to stop thinking about everything, but I can't help it. Like you I'm scared that there is something else wrong with me, something the doctors missed or didn't bother to look for. that seems to be common with Lyme, convincing ourselves that there is something else wrong with us.

I don't know if its hormonal or what but I hate these thoughts running through me head. If this is what depression is like, I have a whole new outlook on it for sure. That feeling of detachment scares me too. I'm use to it but in a very different way. Feeling like I'm not part of myself anymore and I don't understand how I'm still able to move or talk sometimes. Is this neuro-Lyme? Will this go away with treatment or something we're going to have to keep dealing with because what we're currently going through?

I'm wondering if this could be a herx. I barely slept last night, I was actually scared to fall asleep. I was better today. Dark thoughts still run through my head and a little anxiety, but not like last night. I wonder if being alone had something to do with is also. I'm not sure how it is for you, but when someone else is in the house, my anxiety isn't so bad.

I have severe DP/DR daily. I relate it to a marijuana high but is it not pleasurable. I'm a part of a DP/DR support group. A lot of people there claim that past marijuana/ecstasy use is to blame. They say it rewires the brain permanently.

I used mary j heavily between 18-21 years old and never experienced dp/dr. I had lyme before then. Just recently I've been experiencing it in the last two years.

It is so hard. I no longer go out and talk to people. I'm scared they know that I'm not "me." It got better after I cut gluten out for some reason.

Yes, amigo I know the feeling. It is very crazy. Hang in there and know that it will pass. I don't know which is the worst feeling from. Lyme. These are the worst, in no particular order:
Anxiety/Depression
Fatigue/Sleepiness
Brain fog, cognitive and memory issues
Headaches
Dizziness
I have all of these everyday regardless. Good days they are mild. Bad days, one if not all hit me hard, real hard. Those days are very hard to deal with.
Good luck friend, you are not alone.