Could this be Lyme? - No emotions, crawling sensations.

Hello forums.

I'm a male, 20 years old. about 1.5 years ago(18 at the time) I suddenly got very sick, lost weight to the point of having the apperance of a skeleton, constantly had a slight fever, and always nauseous. This went on for about 2 months and I was bedridden 99% of the time. I also had extremely cold feet, severe fatigue and extreme crawling sensations under my skin during that period. I've been convinced that I have parasites, but tests have showed no positive results dispite many attempts. about 4 months after the start of the illness I was able to do things normally again, but something was different, I wasn't as happy(nor sad) anymore and my passions had faded away.

Now 1 year later, cold feet and crawling sensations persist, I'm completely fearless and I find myself working for a fraud company here in Sweden selling fake ad revenue over the phone, and I'm doing very well at it. I've started to develop severe fantasies about rape, feel an urge to hurt and/or kill the people I despise and I've also lost alot of friends, but gained acquaintances.
2 years ago I was a sensitive and shy, but also caring and loving person. Now I'm the absolute contrary. I've disregarded peoples' comments about me having become cold and harsh. I'm just now starting to realize the truth. On top of all this, I can't even feel anything for the girls I've met, nor my parents, who infact are very great parents. I recently started searching online for things other than parasite symptoms and apparently some people have had similar experiences that have turned out to be caused by Lyme disease. Could my description match anyone here? Can anyone relate? I feel I need to figure this out before I hurt someone.

Post Edited (David_elsewhere) : 9/1/2015 4:50:30 PM (GMT-6)

I've had a lot of that, at one point or another, throughout my time with Lyme and company (coinfections). Though, the onset wasn't as sudden, or severe, as you're describing. It took awhile for me to start to get into the thick of it.

Still, I've experienced a lot of those symptoms. Cold extremities, fatigue, crawling sensations, as well as the worse of the bunch, in my mind, the mental - personality, emotional-related stuff.

Much like you, I used to be, at times, a very warm, pleasant person. Fun, with a peculiar, infectious energy. Sure, I had my dark sides, even then, before Lyme, and pain, but I was able to turn it to beauty, something that brought me happiness, even through all the shade and sorrow. Times would come when I'd have to cut myself off from the world, to exist solely in my own, but, even then, I was able to turn that around, and bring everyone back to me.

People liked me, even the sides that I didn't want to share with them, fearing they'd reject me for them. Who likes the weird, emotional kid? But, still, they did. If they didn't, I made them.

I had just had that personality.

Now, I'm empty, for the most part. To me, all I am is a reflection of my illnesses. I am the disease. Detached. It's taken everything but the pain. Cut off from friends, family, ruined my relationship. I don't feel like I'm a part of any of these people's lives, nor they a part of mine. I don't feel them in my heart. I don't feel me.

Enough of that though, sorry. The focus is you.

It hurts, I know. I've often said that it's bad enough, dealing with all of the physical stuff, for us to have to lose our minds, and such measures of our souls, spirits, over it as well.

But, anyway, as for the strange thoughts, I hate to admit it, but I've had my share of them as well. Weird, sick, twisted stuff. Violent stuff. Often times, for no reason at all, not even when I'm angry or frustrated. If it happened then, I'd understand a whole lot more.

Tell yourself, no, and push the thoughts from your mind, focus on trying to heal, or at least get some testing - though, not sure how GP's take Lyme there, considering I don't imagine it's as widespread there as it is in the states. That said, I'm not sure how prevalent LLMD's would be there either.

But, yeah.. Lyme and/or some coinfection(s) definitely sound like likely causes, so I would try something.

And, again, just move on, regarding the thoughts. You feel like spending time in prison, even life? No? Okay then. Easy as that. Not EASY, of course, I know, but easier than messing up someone else's life over nothing.

As sick, physically and mentally, as screwed as I am in the head, I can handle it, so I'm confident you can too.

edit: Good luck, buddy. Try, try, try, try something. Do some more research, try and get more input from some of the other members, be as certain as possible that Lyme/co could be at the root of your problems, then, if you feel there's a good possibility, again, treat.

Hopefully you'll be able to maintain what ground you've got left, and eventually gain some more.

Post Edited (Antonio192X) : 9/1/2015 5:31:40 PM (GMT-6)

Antonio192X said...
I've had a lot of that, at one point or another, throughout my time with Lyme and company (coinfections). Though, the onset wasn't as sudden, or severe, as you're describing. It took awhile for me to start to get into the thick of it.

Still, I've experienced a lot of those symptoms. Cold extremities, fatigue, crawling sensations, as well as the worse of the bunch, in my mind, the mental - personality, emotional-related stuff.

Much like you, I used to be, at times, a very warm, pleasant person. Fun, with a peculiar, infectious energy. Sure, I had my dark sides, even then, before Lyme, and pain, but I was able to turn it to beauty, something that brought me happiness, even through all the shade and sorrow. Times would come when I'd have to cut myself off from the world, to exist solely in my own, but, even then, I was able to turn that around, and bring everyone back to me.

People liked me, even the sides that I didn't want to share with them, fearing they'd reject me for them. Who likes the weird, emotional kid? But, still, they did. If they didn't, I made them.

I had just had that personality.

Now, I'm empty, for the most part. To me, all I am is a reflection of my illnesses. I am the disease. Detached. It's taken everything but the pain. Cut off from friends, family, ruined my relationship. I don't feel like I'm a part of any of these people's lives, nor they a part of mine. I don't feel them in my heart. I don't feel me.

Enough of that though, sorry. The focus is you.

It hurts, I know. I've often said that it's bad enough, dealing with all of the physical stuff, for us to have to lose our minds, and such measures of our souls, spirits, over it as well.

But, anyway, as for the strange thoughts, I hate to admit it, but I've had my share of them as well. Weird, sick, twisted stuff. Violent stuff. Often times, for no reason at all, not even when I'm angry or frustrated. If it happened then, I'd understand a whole lot more.

Tell yourself, no, and push the thoughts from your mind, focus on trying to heal, or at least get some testing - though, not sure how GP's take Lyme there, considering I don't imagine it's as widespread there as it is in the states. That said, I'm not sure how prevalent LLMD's would be there either.

But, yeah.. Lyme and/or some coinfection(s) definitely sound like likely causes, so I would try something.

And, again, just move on, regarding the thoughts. You feel like spending time in prison, even life? No? Okay then. Easy as that. Not EASY, of course, I know, but easier than messing up someone else's life over nothing.

As sick, physically and mentally, as screwed as I am in the head, I can handle it, so I'm confident you can too.

edit: Good luck, buddy. Try, try, try, try something. Do some more research, try and get more input from some of the other members, be as certain as possible that Lyme/co could be at the root of your problems, then, if you feel there's a good possibility, again, treat.

Hopefully you'll be able to maintain what ground you've got left, and eventually gain some more.

I really appreciate the story and the depth you've provided. I can say that I couldn't relate more to what you've told me. The bits I left out, you pretty much filled in.

So far, I've managed to keep my ground in the same manner as you've been doing, despite the dark sides protruding far greater than the little good that's left. But I'm fearing that I might lose it, considering the fact that it's progressively gotten worse ever since it started. Knowing you've been able to handle it gives me confidence and hope. Lately the thought of prison hasn't repulsed me due to the severety of the greyness and dullness that is ascending upon me. It has left me feeling like the entire world is just a large prison, you get put here, and can't really get out, so a smaller one won't feel much different. But I know that this isn't true, and I won't trust the feeling.

I'm just wondering, do you have a diagnose? Is there treatment for this, if it so happens to be Lyme & co? I hope that my GP will test me properly for this, and that it's relatively common within the country. Really it all started after my trip to Bulgaria.
Again, thanks for your input. Lets stay strong.