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A little venting if you don't mind...

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Posted 12/17/2015 8:54 PM (GMT -5)
This is going to be a quick one. Why does this blasted disease make me feel like I am dying everyday. I go to bed thinking maybe tomorrow will be better. Just more if the same dreadful, dying feeling.

I wish this were hyperbole, but each day just seems to drain on me, physically and mentally. I'm doing all the right things. I detox; I eat right. Nothing. Makes it tough to stay positive. I have to find the small improvements to focus on and block out the depression, anxiety, heart issues, neuropathy, etc....

end of vent.

Bat03
Posted 12/17/2015 9:04 PM (GMT -5)
I'm so sorry you're feeling so horrible. I see you joined us in December - have you been treating only a short while?

I totally understand how you're feeling...but it does get better...with treatment and time. Sometimes the changes are so small and subtle that it takes a while to realize you've improved.

just keep doing what you're doing...if you can add more detoxing in that would be good.

And...keep coming here for support...because we do understand...we've been there (or are still there).

Hang in there.
Posted 12/17/2015 9:09 PM (GMT -5)
Girlie - thanks for the response. I was diagnosed in Aug. after six years possibly going undiagnosed. I did two months of doxy, one month of Amoxicillin and Plaquenil, and just started IM Bicillin once a week for 6-8 weeks.

Just scared most of the time, frustrated the other. Like everyone here, I just want my life back. Just have to be more patient.
Posted 12/17/2015 9:52 PM (GMT -5)
It's a difficult journey to wellness. I have had a lot of fear, too.

As treatment progresses, it does get better.
Posted 12/17/2015 10:18 PM (GMT -5)
Hi Bat03, I just wanted you to know I feel the exact same way that you feel. I hope things improve for you!
Posted 12/17/2015 11:02 PM (GMT -5)
I can feel your words Bat and Serfr.

I would really suggest a journal. It is sometimes so hard to see how far we really have come because it is a slow gradual journey. When I look back at where I was in July I am amazed at my progress. I am so very glad I wrote it down and now I do it every day.
Posted 12/18/2015 12:30 AM (GMT -5)
I have had so many days in a row like this I just stopped counting. These diseases take you to the darkest places. So many days of terrible treatment with no positive results. A living nightmare.

One day, I don't know when, I had an hour or two I felt normal. I didn't last, but I seem to have more and more good hours these days. The good hours life seems so simple to just live. Some days are still hell but not as many. I think I am headed in the right direction.

I hope it's an encouragement. I am praying for everyone on here. No one else can possibly understand unless you suffer from these diseases.
Posted 12/18/2015 9:02 AM (GMT -5)
Keep hanging in there Bat. I can commiserate, sometimes it makes you feel hopeless to have so many days like that in a row. For a while, the pain was so bad and nonstop, and everything felt so impossible, I just wanted to die. But there will be better days! Sometimes it takes finding the right treatment and some experimenting to see what can work for our bodies.

PeteZa makes a really great suggestion in keeping in a journal. I've started doing that, and it helps contextualize my journey and how far I've come, even with the small (major sometimes) hiccups I still go through. Also, a journal is a great outlet for all the emotions of this thing.

Thoughts are with you Bat!
Posted 12/18/2015 9:51 AM (GMT -5)
Thank you everyone for the responses. A journal sounds like a good idea. I'm just very lost. Still trying to figure this disease out I guess.
Posted 12/18/2015 10:07 AM (GMT -5)
just hang in there, you are in the beginning phase of treatment which can be super nasty. It could take some time, but you will get better!!! Are you seeing an llmd/llnd? are your symptoms that are so bad worse because of the meds? or are they consistently bad even without the meds?

if the meds are flaring up terrible herxes, hopefully you will be able to find the right combo of things that you can manage, lots of trial and error with this stuff. Some people have a hard time with pharma abx and go the herbal route (easier to titrate and a bit easier on the system).
Posted 12/18/2015 10:19 AM (GMT -5)
I'm only in the beginning? Oh boy. Four months in seems like a long time. I don't know if it's a herx or the lyme. Feel consistently bad all the time.
Posted 12/18/2015 12:03 PM (GMT -5)
oh I'm so sorry! I don't mean to disappoint or worry you with that statement of length of time, it is hard to know timeframes and far be it for me to make a definitive statement about your treatment journey. I just don't want you to be disappointed that things are still rough after 4 months, things will get better, that is what counts, it's just hard to know the length of time and the manner of the journey to better health.
Posted 12/18/2015 12:07 PM (GMT -5)
I guess compared to a lot of people I'm ahead of the game and others I'm not. Of course lyme wouldn't be so nice as to be consistent with everyone. I guess it's the realization everyday I get up that the road ahead is long and curvy.

Thanks for the support.

Logan
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