I'm new, but not new to Lyme Disease.

I was diagnosed, via Igenex, in 2013. I've had waxing/waning symptoms, took the Nano Trap urine test in 2015 and was "in remission".

Currently, I feel so bad, it came on over a period of six months, my functional medicine doctor thought it may be Lyme again, or may be something else.

I'm currently dealing with an early antigen IGG ebv result that is positive, about 22?

I tried adding gluten back into my diet a couple of months ago, after a healer told me I should be okay to try it (anyone understand the desperation that we go through to feel better? Sometimes choices can be strange). Realized it was a bad idea, stopped it last month.

I've never been so ill. It feels like fire in my skin.

I just found out that a perfectly good tooth went perfectly bad, and I need either a root canal or extraction.

I wrote my will, just in case my heart fails (something physical happens). I'm in a dark place (NOT planning anything, I'm actually surprisingly strong in spite of this nightmare); I actually LOVE LIFE, but my body is a cage at this point, and my answers aren't certain.

Mainstream medicine has seen my tests and said, "Let's get you on antidepressants so you can have a baby!" (I'm not kidding, this was after I wore a holter monitor for 24 hours after a cardiac issue that landed me in the ER).

My functional medicine doctor is kind of not sure what to do with me. My father has had serious health issues his whole life. He has Polycythemia Vera, hemochromatosis, and kidney disease, among other things, and he started getting sick in his thirties.

In addition to the positive Igenex test, I'm showing low platelet counts, and high MPV like my dad. Three generations ahead of me died from/have blood cancer.

I'm just in a really fearful place and having a lot of trouble not worrying that I may pass away from this. I am on 1,500 mg of Amoxicillin for my tooth and I'm feeling ... dark, overwhelmed, tired (I've slept A LOT), and the burning pain on my skull that I've had for six years (no answers as to what it is, and I've seen SEVERAL doctors), is worse right now.

I'm 38 and realize that I really will never have children.

My mom is dying from alcoholism.

I watch my husband live life and want me to join him, and I can't.

It's hard for me to write this, but I am scared, to the bone. The tears are always right there, waiting in the wings, burning my eyes.

My friends/family have expectations that I will somehow bounce back, as I have tried to do in the past, but I can feel the exhaustion, to the bone.

I just need someone(s) to talk to, maybe share a laugh with. Anyone out there?

If anyone has ANY recommendations re: neuralgias of the scalp/head/face, like medications/creams/etc., I would love to hear them. Or, any explanations why they happen and what can help. Thank you!

Post Edited (thedogma) : 3/15/2018 10:38:12 AM (GMT-6)

MooseSafari, that means a lot to me. Thank you. Hope you are feeling okay today.

I just found out I have Lyme, but I've had nerve issues and was diagnosed with knee inflammation at 15, so I've probably had it since childhood. I'm 33 now. In highschool I was on and off a TON of psych meds. I found out from that I have severe sensitivities to medications. The only thing that worked for my was effexor. I am now on pristiq and doing well. I also am given ultram for both pain and anxiety and because it seems to help my fatigue.
While the antidepressants help, the therapist I see is possibly more effective. I go one to two times a week for the past year and a half. Partly to deal with abuse from childhood, but also the "fibromyalgia" I was diagnosed with previously.
I also do a lot of painting and collaging to help calm my mind and just have fun and play. Since I'm up late every night, it gives me an expressive outlet instead of tv. I'm on a Facebook art group and sharing art helps me and I get to see other's art and find new creative crafty things to try.
Deep breathing and meditation have helped me tremendously since my first neuro work up. Journaling also helps. I often just free write (write every thought in your head without thinking for dinner or ten minutes) and then don't read it for a week or so or just burn it. It helps empty my mind off worries. Positive affirmations also help at times. I kind of use a mix of things to keep my mental health in check.
I see a therapist that does accelerated resolution therapy which greatly helps calm my anxiety, fear and other emotions related to being sick, old traumas, and much more.
I was blessed with three kids but being a single mom and sick with no family support, they are many states away, brings me many challenges. I have really bad days where I feel inadequate as a mom because I'm too drained to play dolls or trucks. Where I don't know how I'm going to manage for the day, but I do. We are all stronger than we know and believe we are, every one of us. I have an Alexa so I can call a friend to help me on the days I wake up and have difficulty walking. Finding out this is Lyme gives me hope I will have my energy back one day to be the mom I want to be. And from the bottom of my heart I hope you one day get to experience the joy of motherhood, even if you have to adopt. I hope you regain some health so you can enjoy every minute of it. And I pray they figure out what is causing your current health problems.

If you ever need to talk, or just vent or whatever, feel free to message me. I'm a great empathy buddy.