What Keeps You Going?

First and foremost my belief in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Bible.

My mom is a rock for me. She is 81 and has her own health issues including mold sickness, for which she has had very little treatment. We help each other, but she carries a heavier load. I can be awful to deal with. I have bouts of severe irritability and at times tell her I want to die. She prays for me and encourages me. I am amazed at how stoic she is having to witness my ropeworms, vomiting, and acting nutso at times (been more frequent lately). Not how I wanted her to spend her later years.

When I feel like I’m going to lose it, I pray or ask my mom to pray for me. That helps the most.

To avoid stress, I leave the house with my mom almost every day. I like to go to an outlet mall, where we can sit outside in the sun or shade and I can walk. I still am affected by chemicals and fragrance coming out of the stores and on people passing by, so it’s not a perfect place. It’s aesthetically pleasing. Where I used to live, there is a beautiful lake with a walking trail around it with trees for shade, benches to sit on, and ducks everywhere. Nothing like that near where I am now, though.

To relax, I like to watch Hallmark Channel movies, some favorite HGTV and TLC reality shows, especially “Counting On,” which I find very inspirational. I avoid the news (always have), crime and violence shows, and movies about sick or dying people. I try to keep it light.

Basically, I do a lot of escapism - I spend a lot of time running away from my problems. (My parents and I fled our moldy house 2.5 years ago and moved in with a relative. Did not/could not get our house properly remediated. Have been looking at houses since June - over 100 houses now - and haven’t found anything right for us. All of our stuff is still in our house, and we are too sick to go in and throw it out or remove, clean, and store what we want to try to keep. Relatives who agreed to buy our house and help us find a new one are weary and disgusted with us.) Then, of course, there have been financial issues. I seem to get no better with what treatment I can manage herx wise and financially. Thinking about any of that makes me feel on the verge of panic and then I start wanting to die again. So, I avoid thinking and talking about it. My problems are too big for me, and I feel there’s no way out.

BUT. . . . I know there’s nothing impossible with God, and I have to mentally take myself to the bottom line, which is that I know, trust, and believe in God and everything in the Bible, and that’s all that really matters. He is faithful even when I am not.

Favorite Bible verses:
Isaiah 43:2 -
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Matthew 19:26 -
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Can’t remember the most helpful thing anyone has said. What I wish is another Christian, filled with the Holy Spirit, would pray seriously for me in person using the gifts of the Holy Spirit that the Bible talks about in I Corinthians chapter 12. I guess I should just be bold and go to the ones I know and ask them to.

By the way, I love reading your posts. You have such life in you, in spite of your circumstances. Your posts are thought provoking and refreshing.

Lots of good questions which have been asked by many over the years so your obviously not alone.

The fact that you found this, you know that people get better. Even if you dont get to 100%, you learn where you can function your best. Learning about your body and slowly healing parts of it has a positive effect itself. Nothing is more satisfying than understanding your body better than the average "conventional" Dr. This truly is turning lemons into lemonade.

The "bug hunt": Some people just go after the bugs and play the waiting game. This is the wrong approach. For anyone who had a job, time is not free. Supporting all body systems that seem to be affected along with gut health (immune) will get you faster on the road to improvement and can keep you functioning during lyme treatment. There is a lot of learning.

As far as keeping your mind going, take advantage of good days to see enjoyment in the little things in life. Do your best to 100% ignore how "big society" and the media thinks you need to live. Learn to enjoy the little things in life.

Too much of society is in such a big hurry that they miss the little things. Much of the population has no deep interests, studies, or hobbies. This blows my mind. I take after my father, who never had a boring day in his life. Ive never had time for all my interests/hobbies together so Ive done them here and there throughout life. There is always something I want to do in the near future. There are some things in life I could not imaging not giving time to. Somethings I dove into deep, while other I just touched the surface to at least sample- I've done the same with employment. That means going with the flow of your life and changing plans weather it be next weekend or next year. Of course there are somethings we individuals will never be able to do - but we've had or will have the opportunity to do things that others wont do, you just have to see it and notice it vs ignoring it.

There are more worse things possible in life than lyme. Thousands of men in my fathers generation endured days of severe pain and many....eventual death. Ive never had people trying to kill me, never had bullets go through me, and never been a prisoner of war. Thats something to be thankful for in this messed up world called planet Earth.

We are different at different decades of life. Ive mellowed out a bit (ha ha..a lot) with age in my fifth decade, I want life to slow down. The word "accomplishment" has different meaning to different people. I'm not rich or well known but do have some national achievements in both work and off work that mean something to me, as they were childhood dreams come true. In my younger days, I was somewhat of an action outdoors sports freak,(with my share of injuries). Now I'm more into slowly absorbing nature and being kinder to my beat up body. This is something I look forward to every day of my life. I really wanted to snowshoe down the the eagle nest (the closest one of several) at the lake edge today with my camera, but the North wind is blowing really hard out and the snow is almost three feet deep, I'll do it some other day. Its a really nice half mile hike when the weather is calm, and one of the pair might be perched out on a limb in nice weather - something to look forward to. Now I can leap/run in snowshoes which is a very weird and cool feeling to do in powder. Its very "moon like". There were years when I was not physically able to do this without pain for days after.

Anyone can have things they love to do, IF they slow down and look deeper at their life to discover themselves, and surroundings while ignoring social pressures and modern media telling you otherwise.

Never let the adventurous/learning kid in you totally go away - thats whats wrong with many "adults" today and the basis of much depression among modern society. Speaking of depression and anxiety from these bug illnesses- they're are many posts on what to try while the body re-balances (takes time). Thyroid and gut health is a big deal in that part.

thats my ten cents....oh, you mentioned music which is great, thanks to modern internet there is so much to hear vs radio of the past. I gave up learning guitar, its just to much for my fingers and brain to remember. Not all things are possible for everyone, or meant to be.

Great questions and responses too. Astroman, yours especially resonated with me.

Only a quick response for now, but what helps me most is focusing as much as possible on something else. Right now, that is teaching part-time. I'm feeling crummy in scary ways this week, but I'm waiting for my class to start and I feel better as soon as I see "my" kids. I had just started teaching part-time when I got very sick, and that was what pushed me to get out and struggle. Looking back, I can't believe I did it.

Saraeli, I know that's not much help to you right now, but is there a cause you can work on from home for now? (Assuming you're not already.) You write so well -- maybe something using that skill? (I'm a writing teacher.)

Have a good day. <3

Honestly the only thing keeping me alive is my mom. I've lost all my friends, just lost my last friend recently for reasons unknown. She is going thru a hard time I guess but is sort of taking it out on my by ghosting. Once my mom is gone I think I'm just gonna lay down and die in all honesty. I haven't improved in a long time and don't know what else to do. I see a new doctor next week for a consult so that is kind of my last hope. I've wasted so much life, money, and more on this stupid non-fatal illness.