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Curiosity about ED

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Posted 7/7/2010 12:54 PM (GMT -5)
One of the more amusing things post surgery is the number of people who are concerned about any ED that I might have. As far as I know they never cared before and I don't believe I've given a seconds thought to their abilities. This past weekend at least two different people asked my wife how I was doing (with a bit of hemming and hawing and not stating it outright).
Of course, no one ask ever asked me directly but always obliquely through my wife.

Is this common?

(for the record - I'm fine now. It took just under a year. Do those pills expire? I've got 50 or so just sitting in a drawer)
Posted 7/7/2010 1:00 PM (GMT -5)
Most of the people I talk to are unaware that ED can be a side effect...

Posted 7/7/2010 1:22 PM (GMT -5)
not ED, and also not incontinence.  most sound like they know i've got a big surgery scar in front, and it's a rehab just like my 2 hernia surgeries, so most of them, i don't tell any different....i can't imagine ANY of my friends or family asking MY WIFE how my performance is progressing....ugh

bob

Posted 7/7/2010 7:28 PM (GMT -5)
Next time some one asks you that, just look them in the eye, clench your fist and give them the hitler salute. thats all they or any one has to know.
Posted 7/7/2010 8:30 PM (GMT -5)
The best option will be not to communicate with these people...
Posted 7/7/2010 8:40 PM (GMT -5)
Most people didn't ask. I volunteered the information about ED and incontience to people I knew to help educate them. I had cancer so was not ashamed to talk about ED or incontience issues.
Posted 7/7/2010 8:47 PM (GMT -5)
I deflect the question by saying something like: "Man I am one lucky SOB. I was in perfect health. Everything worked great. I didn't have a hint that I had PCa until my PSA test. Do you know yours? You should! "
Unless the questioner is a woman. Then I just say I am really lucky.


Truth be told, I was not very lucky. I would have be much luckier if I didn't have it at all!
But then I would not have met you guys. Awwh shucks... ;-)
Posted 7/7/2010 10:08 PM (GMT -5)
They never cared before you had your prostate removed, because they read that once a man has his prostate removed they can have a serious bout with ED.

How could they care or even know about your ED prior to RP ?

Thats like saying I tore the ligaments in my knee but before then no asked me if I was able to run ok, now all of a sudden people ask if I can run ok
Posted 7/8/2010 9:42 AM (GMT -5)
This is a great post, it never fails to suprise me how people act. Why would anyone want to know about those detail of someones life, is it a power thing?

I have had the same questions, I'll have to put together a better answer.  Thank's - Tim

Posted 7/8/2010 10:12 AM (GMT -5)
Could it be these FRIENDS are familiar with the ups and downs of prostate cancer and are asking questions out of genuine concern?
Posted 7/8/2010 11:06 AM (GMT -5)
This is precisely the reason why I told very few people. Immediate family, business partner, neighbors. Even some very close friends do not know. We go out to dinner and you would never know I'm packin' pads. I call it Concealed Carry. Like my Ruger LCP.

My health issue is nobody's business but my family's. I have, however, told all of you guys but you don't count. ;-)
Jeff
Posted 7/9/2010 6:53 AM (GMT -5)
STW, in my experience most folks (except those who have been through it) truly understand what prostate cancer is and the effect that any treatment can have on quality of life. Many people do the ho-hum when they hear that John was treated for PCa...no big deal (for them)...after all, if you have to get cancer isn't this the one you want (yeah, right)? After treatment, people just assume that life goes on as before, having no idea how much life has changed for us. Unlike other cancer treatments (e.g., chemotheraphy), surgery and radiation don't "show" on the outside. Folks assume that because you look the same way you did before, that nothing has changed.

The guys we know who have been treated for PCa openly discuss their incontinence but ED seems to be a taboo topic for them.

In answer to your post, though, I have never had anyone ask me (male or female) how John "is doing." If anyone did ask, I would answer them honestly and openly, whether they be a man or a woman. Neither John nor I are ashamed or embarassed about his situation and see it as a fact of life post treatment.
Posted 7/9/2010 7:37 AM (GMT -5)
Sephie - in your opening sentence - did you mean "truly understand" or truely DO NOT understand?
Posted 7/9/2010 7:48 AM (GMT -5)
If things get too personal, in true "Lyndon Johnson" fashion, I ask everyone if they would like to see my scar. No takers so far and that usually ends the conversation.
Posted 7/9/2010 7:56 AM (GMT -5)
I can totally understand Worried guy's handling of the whole topic - it is just way more comfortable for many people to do that. But if other guys let friends and neighbors know about the PCa, then could it be that these are educated, caring people who simply want you to know that they care and understand? i doubt most people really have a prurient interest in anyone's sex life. Yes, some people do cross a personal line, but most people who are friends don't. There are social clods everywhere. Any friends that have said anything to me, my answer has been exactly what Jeff's was - "I'm lucky".
If they are indeed friends, they just want you to know they understand - they probably are not really curious, and this was their feeble attempt at dancing around a difficult subject.
Paul
Posted 7/9/2010 2:44 PM (GMT -5)
Steve, good catch...yes, I meant truly do NOT understand.
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