Invisible Man in Recovery

Hi. I was going to go on commenting on the Surgery Tomorrow thread I started but, thought it would be fitting to start anew, even if with yesterday's news.

Thursday

My loved one Stix is recovering from rp today. I'm calling him invisible man because I have not seen or talked with him since a couple of days before his procedure. After some indecision about going to the hospital (reasons shared on thread mentioned above) followed by a good night's sleep, I set out for the hospital not knowing if I'd find him or whether he would be glad if I did.

Why? Selfishly, I did not want to wait for him to surface and tell me he survived. All I've learned about this common procedure from other sources and the great folks here on HW has helped me believe he would. On the other hand, all does not always go as intended in the operating room which for me, brought to mind the phrase:

Seein is believin.

Well in this case, hearin. The timing of my arrival at the hospital was just after the rp was completed. It was done with the Da Vinci machine. I was told Stix had just entered recovery and would not be able to have visitors until an hour later. That news meant I would not be able to see him due to my having to be at work (for a non-union employer that frowns heavily on call offs). More importantly though, it meant: he didn't die on the operation table, they were done cutting on him for today and he was peacefully resting.

Update

Since writing the above, I got a call. Oh my gosh, I got a call!!! The voice on the line sounded like a person who’d been in a fight with brawny coal miners, fresh out of the mine and pissed off about everything they could be pissed off about but, it also sounded like the man I love. =)

So concludes the short version. This is a great place to disembark if you have things to do like taking care of yourself or a loved one or anything other than reading the rather lengthy report to follow.

Friday

That said, here we go. Its Friday morning. Yesterday was the kind of day that didn’t leave much at the end for completing and posting this update. I was worn out. Getting to the store (two stores since the first didn’t have black licorice - one of his favorite things) and to the hospital before work meant waking up a few hours earlier than usual. For me, that made a 12 hour day a 19 hour one. Well worth it of course but it was an interesting layer to a day involving a power outage at work and a significant uptick/ change in workload as a result.

I think I’ll be getting a write up about a tie. I work at a really nice place for a contract company that is... nice in the sense that they pay on time. Not so nice in the sense of policies and management turnover rate. I’m working for the 4th set of managers in 4 years. One of the current crew is a nice person who asked me to sign a nice piece of paper stating “the only excused reason for being absent is there being a death in the family” for taking a day off when I was sick. Another of them is a nice person who I never interact with except when he demonstrates his uncanny ability to know when I don’t have my tie on.

I wanted to be at my loved one’s side. Not hearing about an ****ing tie. Last time Stix was over was the last time he will make love pre rp. Wow. At the time of the tie inquiry, I was still wondering how he was doing. Funny how hearing he was in recovery was both a relief and a new concern at the same time. Recovery doesn’t end with him leaving the hospital. He’ll be in it until... Wow again. I still hadn’t seen or talked with him so I didn’t know how he was faring. Before leaving the hospital, I left a care package including a card I thought he’d find funny, a zine from my collection titled I Love Bad Movies (that he picked up on our last visit but did not have a chance to read) and his licorice. A kind nurse shook my hand and said she would make sure he got it.

Hours went by. Still nothing. I was steeling myself for the likelihood of my having to go several days before I did. Normally a mostly solitary experience, work involved my office (unaffected by the power outage) being turned into a command center with all kinds of people doing and needing all kinds of things, non-stop, all day thru late night. Towards the end of my shift, I was still consumed with my normal days work when I noticed my personal phone ringing and the name of the person calling me. Taking that call while still on duty was another write up-able policy violation. No way in hell I was not going to. What I heard when I did was music to my ears: Hi.

Stix sounded different, hoarse, worn out and faintly like himself all at once. He also sounded happy and concerned about my being at the hospital. He asked how I was doing, how I knew to bring the licorice and whether I saw him while he was still under. He described the experience of waking up as violent: feeling like he was being pummelled, shocked and blinded at the same time. The process caused his IV and other things to be ripped out. He mentioned an injury to his esophagus. Some of what he was saying was unclear and as much as I am a stickler for details, I just couldn’t ask him to repeat himself. He lives and he’s communicating. I’ll take it.

Having known people in his family and professional life to succumb to prescription drug abuse following medical procedures, Stix was very concerned about what he’d be on. So much so, he mentioned not taking anything at all for the pain. That part of his call was hard for me to hear but I gathered whatever he is being given/ agreed to take, is at the lowest dose possible. We talked for a short while until his nurses were approaching to discuss his vitals. He is anxious to speak with his doctor. That is supposed to happening this morning. I hope he will receive some encouraging news to share with me when he’s up to it. Visiting hours falls right within my commute and work schedule for today. The chorus of my friends urging me to find a new job has never resounded so loudly. I so wish I was earning a living in a way that allowed me to be with my loved one without earning disciplinary action.

Many thanks to any and all who have read this. Having a place to download what’s in my head is doing wonders for keeping me in a positive state of mind. I have quite the schedule ahead of me over the next few days and may only have time to read any responses. Thank you in advance for those. I hope you and your loved ones are having a good day. I will write again when I can.

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Hi Libi,
Glad to hear he is on the other side now. Being a recovering alcoholic, I get off pain meds ASAP! I don't believe I even took the ones given to me after my DaVinci. They are still in the medicine cabinet almost 2 years later. And I only took 3 of the pills given me after the AUS surgery. Every time I have surgery I just switch to Tylenol.

Sorry you aren't able to see him but unless he had complications, he should be home now or soon. I was checked out the next day about 24 hours later.

Your job sounds like the job from hell. What is wrong with employers these days? It is just a job, not life itself.

Hope you get to see him sometime over the weekend. I am in retail so I will be working the next 5 days straight.

By the way, I like red licorice, just saying!

Keep the Faith

Bill from Florida

Libi - hang in there. This is likely the most difficult stage of the process, recovering from surgery. You're doing just fine in the support department. Most likely your man just needs to know you're there.

and your job does sound like it sucks. Your friends are right, find a new one (yeah easy for me to say).

Keep the reports coming. I'll bet it helps you to have some place to share there.

We're here most days if you have questions, need to vent or whatever.
Andrew

Leaving work last night, I walked past an empty paint bucket on the sidewalk. I had the strongest sudden urge to kick the **** out of it, right into traffic, where I could watch it be crushed by a semi. (laughs at my self censoring and the fact that my profanity use is a recent yet pre 'pc in my life' development. It feels rather good to have gotten some practice in before this. Me thinks I'll have cause to use the special words a lot going forward)

Stix is out of the hospital and off grid again. I'm hating being apart from him right now. I'm also hating that I'm not the funny one. I'm the super serious one who is balanced out by all the funny people in my life, including him. What on earth am I going to do if he looks at me without a thread of humor in his eyes because of this? Gosh I wish I'd studied improv or something.

I'm so scared he's going to check out mentally if his former-wife dies. They are life long friends and mutually supportive co-parents. He loves her. That her fight for her life coincides with his need to heal and be positive, despite being changed forever, hurts my soul when I think about it and, I do. Often.

Jim, great to hear from you. I appreciate your comment and what I feel is an open door policy to same gender couples on HW. Though Stix and I both wear pants, I am female and the pronouns everyone's using are right on the money. :)

As much as it made me smile to read you call him one, the tie policeman is less a jerk than he is, like me, employed by a company great at securing accounts and very comfortable with high turn over rates. Strangely (and I don't even think they're aware they're doing this) the company is developing the interesting habit of firing people, managers included, on staff appreciation days. Literally awards and cake in one room as unsuspecting folks are escorted off the premises somewhere else. I've worked for a variety of employers beginning when I was 13 years old. Not one fostered a work environment more demoralizing than this one. I could go on but, I won't, already feeling antsy about my posts being too long on here. I know I need to find a better place, especially now when I want to be a source of good morale to spare.

Trimix, comments like yours are of particular importance to me. Without seeing that bright ray of hope on here I might have let him drift away. It has been very eye opening and encouraging to read that you and so many other men on here are loving yourselves and being intimate with those you love despite the attack on your manhood. (To any HT brothers reading, so many special words come to mind when I think of your unique struggle. I hate what you are going through so ******* much!) Your mention of pressure brings many things to mind. I have to run errands now but will write again about that when I can.

Big Mac, Is your Mrs. keeping your licorice supplies fully stocked? Sending you encouragement on your continued recovery from alcoholism especially when you've got the kind of things goin on that could drive a man to drink. My uncle was an alcoholic. The cryin one minute, violent the next kind. He died estranged from his wife and children from complications of all that drink over the years. I hope you're doing well with urges and staying in the forgiven state of mind for anything you may have done regrettably when you were sick. Selfishly, I'm glad you are alive and got your act together in time to greet me here on HW =)

InTheShop, Thank you. I'm tryin. Every time he comes back on grid, it makes me feel like it workin. The in between times though... when I've gotten to my limit of leaving unanswered voicemails and am just waiting and waiting feeling like someone on an island sending flares into the pitch black night... Its hard.

Libi- Hoping for an update from you !!!!

Curt