With all my current and seemingly endless physical and medical ordeals, I wanted to take a moment, to issue a general thank you and a note of appreciation for all of you that follow what I am going through, and have been going through for all these long years.  I couldn't possibly name every name, of every supporter, but all of you, are deeply appreciated by me.

The support nature of HW PC, has always been its best card, in my opinion.  Each person here, has their own story, their own journey, their own trials, tribulations, and troubles after various times.  And all of them are equally important to me, and important for you to tell in your own words, your own way.

Each journey is unique in and of itself, and that's what makes it interesting.  One disease - prostate cancer, can have so many versions, so many twists and turns.  Some guys have it easy (so it seems), while others struggle on and on.  Some have quick positive results, and move on away from here, and that is a good thing.  And others are still here years later, dealing with the cards they were dealt with.  As a certain "good" book says, it rains on the just and unjust alike.  To me, that simply means, we get what we get, there is no fair, or unfair about it.  It is what it is.  And if one chooses to take it personally, then they will allow the PC to get inside their head, and make them a most miserable of creatures.

One of the hardest parts for me, is to strive hard not to take it out on others.  I mean not only here on the forum, but in real life.  No matter how bad my day is, no matter how much I am dealing with relentless pain and aches, I try ever so hard not to take it out on my wife, my family members, and my friends.  And that's no always an easy task to accomplish.

I wouldn't wish this pain on another human being, even if I had a real enemy.  I honestly wouldn't.  And while it sounds nice when people say things like, "you are so brave", or "you are always so strong", it really, honestly isn't the case.  I am not always brave.  I am not always strong.  I am not always tough.

I am human, as human as the rest of you.  When I hurt, I hurt bad.  When I am sad, I can cry.  And sometimes, though not often, I want to give it all up and quit trying.  I would be lying if I said that wasn't the case.

And then, in those dark and weak moments, I have to "reset" my mindset, and re-group my emotions, and start again at square one.  And  then take on the next new day as a re-start.  This happens more often than you might imagine.

The hardest thing for someone to understand about those dealing with severe chronic pain (and if I wasn't in that category, I might have a hard time too), is that there really are people, that live in acute severe pain 24/7.  You may be thinking, that well, the dudes on all these pain meds, it can't be that bad.  But it is that bad.  The only relief you get is when you are asleep, and often then, you will wake up from pain, or be sleeping so poorly, that you get plagued with nightmares, because you are never sleeping deep enough.  You really can be feeling acute pain 24/7, for days, for weeks, for years, and never ever get a break from it.  So try to physically imagine that, and if you can, then, perhaps, you will understand what it is to live a life in constant pain.  All the pain meds really do, is to cut the edge, perhaps take the pain from a 7/8 down to a 3/4, if you are lucky.  But even if you hurt a 4 all the time, you would soon see how old that gets fast.

So, I do thank each of you, for your continued support.  I know there are some that are sick of my posts and on-going troubles, and to them, I apologize for being here.  If what I write bothers you, please, put me in your ignore bin, won't offend me in the least.  It's better than being annoyed.  That is not my intention to do so.

And for the rest, your kind words, your prayers, you checking up on me - all help me survive what I am fighting, and one can never have too much support, or too many friends.

The worse part for my wife, and she would tell you this in a heart beat, is that she knows, that there is nothing she can really do to help me, or to relieve any of the pain, and it suffers her heart to see her husband of 40 plus years to be in a constant state of pain, and knowing that the cancer is still busy at work in my body, and that I keep going from one medical crisis to the next.  I feel for her hurt too, because I wish I had the strength to hide all of my sufferings from her, but she has to see me every day, and as a nurse, working with the ill and the terminal, she's can't be fooled about my condition.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  And for my part, to the best of my limited knowledge and abilities, I will continue to try to help others here, as I have done for nearly 6 years.  Kind of a pay back, for all I have and still am receiving from the good folks at HW PC.  What started out being the results of a random Google search some six years or so ago, has become such a daily part of my life for so long now.

David in SC, aka Purgatory

Tony Crispino said...
Actually thank you, David. For being you.

t