Etiquette and PCa: An honest response!

I usually say what I want in mixed company, in the sense that I speak to what they are communicating not to what the words are. Like Larry David I hate stop and chats and usually dispense of them quickly. But{I know this will shock you but I have limits} If some one asked me how Ia m doing I will usually play the game a while, but will try to instill something thought provoking in the conversation. If it reverts to chit chat about nothing, I have no problem, just saying, gots to go and extract myself graciously or not. Most folks sense my vibes and usually don't engage unless they want to talk real time. I would never do what you described, again unless I sparked out something in body language, facial expression, voice tone, that indicated to me, they were hiding behind words by being"polite". I would make sure they knew that I knew the game and would answer like you mentioned that you did. I rarely partake in real conversations in a pack over 4. I will listen but rarely speak unless asked something specifically and then answer the question directly to its purported point. Bottom line I have never been into reindeer games, like ever. What you said unless circumstances dictated otherwise{ as in examples above} seems to me done for shock value, and there was no real value added. in other words make people feel comfortable, unless they try to make you uncomfortable first then either call them on it or better yet just make a 180 and leave. If i were the couple I would have called you on it…firmly.

I'm sure that in that moment, most of the participants were trying to figure out how to get away as fast as possible. Reality that I learned long ago, is that most people don't really want an answer to the "how are you doing?" question.

I personally wouldn't give that kind of answer in mixed company with casual acquaintances.

"How are you doing" is a superficial greeting, not meant to be answered by anything but "Fine". Unless they're close friends, nobody wants to know how you're really doing. Especially socially unsavory issues we encounter as PCa patients.

After moving to Tennessee a few years ago, it confused me when people would say, "You alright?", said in a tone that would indicate something seems to be wrong. It's not, it's just the same superficial greeting, response just "yep", or "alright" or some such.

Depends who I am talkng to. If I'm talking to someone who is a client, a casual aquaintance, or someone I otherwise don't know really well, I will just be upbeat and say, doing great, about 90% back to myself.
If it's a close friend, or family member, I will just make a joke about it, and say something like, I doing really well, now if I can just get to the point where I'm not pissing in my pants...." It puts them at ease.

But I have one close friend, actually one of my best friends, who called me to ask how I was doing, and when I started talking about being frustrated over the incontinence issue, he cut me off and said, "ok lemme go, and practically hung up. he just didn't want to hear it.

Frankly I don't give a crap, if you don't want to hear it, then screw you, don't ask me. In fact don't call me.

Like logos, I've never been one for small talk, but since this all started for me, I have even less patience for it, or anyone who annoys me. So I guess I don't have a PC Ettequite . It's whatever I want it to be.

We all get asked that question and most answer "fine". I do too. But...you are my new hero!!!!
First of all,you are willing to talk about your PCa and many men are reluctant. Secondly, you are not fazed by the response of self centered snobs and thirdly, you are willing to also take some criticism here for you poor social etiquette.
Right now there is little "fine" in my life too,and this week was one of those where I listened to everyone else's woes, but didn't' share mine. I am so grateful for the people here who know why men might need to change a pad and don't mind discussing pissing blood.
You are not "fine or good",but you are amazingly brave!!! Bravo!
Beth

Oh my...you didn't, did you...?

Was the purpose of your response - to shock and awe? If so you achieved your goal.
If not, you need to learn better social skills. I appreciate honesty but knowing when to be quiet is something you should have learned at this age. If you were going to give that much detail, it should have been one on one, not in a group.

I think there's a middle ground question and answer.

Some people really do want to know if you're ok, but don't necessarily want to hear about incontinence or other "delicate" issues. They want to know if your cancer is under control and if your health is stable. In those cases, some bit of reassurance that goes a little beyond saying "I'm fine" is appropriate.

Most people mean well, and they want to show their concern. Being concerned and being squeamish aren't mutually exclusive.