A Little Annoyance

Prato, could be worse ways to open a conversation, like "You look terrible". People are uncomfortable because you shared "uncomfortable" info with them. Give them a break Buddy!

Cheers, Doug

Prat,

I hear you it gets old, even when I still had Cancer you can't feel anything...after surgery the only you thing you feel is wet...and that doesn't go away...after radiation I just felt tired with a sun burned butt...that went away so now I just feel wet...oh the questions people have of the unknown...guess I was the same way before, just didn't know better!

Doug, and all, don't get me wrong, I don't fault anyone for asking me the question. I just wanted to get it off my chest. As Paul said, it gets old.
But I inderstand they mean well. I was never one to hide this from anyone, not that I try to make it the main conversation at a cocktail party. But if someone who doesn't knwo about my surgery asks "so how you doing, how's your year started off" or something like that, I mention it, it feels almost unnatural to me to just respond "great, how bout yoy" but maybe that's what I should have done. So maybe it's my fault, not realizing that it could be uncomfortable.

As far as my clients, I've got very solid relationships with the ones ive old, and for that reason and even more for business reasons, I felt telling them (before the surgery) was the right thing to do.

Maybe I was, and now am, totally off base.

Prato, I always keep it light and short. If some says, "You're lookin good!" I'll reply with something like, "about time, eh?" Have a chuckle and carry on. " How you feeling?" "Normal." That one always get them, my favourite actually. Or "How do you think I feel, I just had my nuts cut out!" Only used that one once, day after surgery. I've always found a little humour gets one over an awkward moment.

Cheers, Doug

I am an open book with most people. If someone really wants to know how I am doing, or how I am feeling, I will give it to them 100% up and front. Most times, in my experience, when someone asks the dreaded question, they really don't want to know the answer, especially in detail, and especially if you aren't doing well.

Sometimes, I simply say, I am holding my own. Or, I'm still here.

No need to get annoyed about the question, as its very normal small talk or opening lines for most people. I don't take it personal.

Dear Pratoman,

This is an important topic. I work in a fairly small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone knows my story. I work in a job where I am constantly surrounded by the public.

It's great to feel everyone's concern and support, but at the same time, EVERYONE knows your story and there is no escape or anonymity. People shake my hand, pat me on the back, and even hug me on the street. It's a tremendous feeling of support, but you realize things won't ever be completely "normal" again and people look at you in a new way. There's no going back after a cancer diagnosis when you live in a smaller community. You don't realize this until you walk in our shoes.

I have had to work hard to balance my own privacy with their care and concern for me. People do care and worry and pray for those of us in this situation. You have to watch carefully what medical details you chose to share with the public. At the same time, if you share no details with the public, then they will speculate ... it's a double-edged sword. This diagnosis did NOT come with an instruction manual for social situations and public relations !

However, sometimes there are prying questions from townspeople ... sometimes we don't look 100% ... sometimes we are undergoing treatments that change our appearance ... sometimes we are gone from work or community events because of treatments and people take notice of that ... so we have to find the balance between our own need for privacy and dignity vs. the care and concern that comes from a small community or the public.

I've learned to use some responses like:

1. "I'm doing my best right now, thanks!"
2. "I've got great doctors looking after me!"
3. "Thankful to be at work each day!"
4. "Doing well, thank you for asking!"

Something that has also happened, since everyone in town knows my story ... there have now been other people in town and at my work diagnosed with cancer AFTER my diagnosis. In some cases, they have contacted me or reached out to me for moral support. I have been able to offer my advice and moral support and encouragement to others because they knew my story and needed help when they first got diagnosed. I have formed some important bonds with some of them. Like any relationship, you have to have the right "chemistry" to form that bond that a shared diagnosis can bring. Somehow, they find you or you find them. Trying to help them has helped me in return, I have discovered. I think many readers on this forum feel the same way, because contributing to this website IS a tremendous way of reaching out and helping others. Hundreds of people read what is posted here and they are seeking help through this website. If you are a reader of this website, you have likely been helped. If you have posted something here, then you likely have already helped someone.

It's a balancing act after you have faced a cancer diagnosis --- finding that fine line between your own privacy and the on-going concern that comes from community members that you encounter.

Just a few thoughts on this topic,
Cyclone

Post Edited (ISU-CycloneFan) : 3/19/2015 9:19:06 PM (GMT-6)

My standard answer that usually only gets a nod, a smile or just a look, but ends the discussion:

"Every Day is A Bonus IN MY WORLD"

Sonny

Clearly, I'm not the only one who gets asked all the time. And you guys are further out than me, so I guess its a glimpse of the future. If that's my biggest problem, I'll be happy.

I need to start giving pleasant, but short answers. Then they'll all know for the next time that "how are you feeling" is not a conversation:n starter. Maybe something like "great" ;-)

Every day I open my eyes is a good day. when I stand up its even better

another one of my favorite answers I give to the "how are you?" question is:
"I am here."

and,

"Still going - They ain't knocked me over yet."

People get so confused by the answer that they just wonder away...

Andrew

Guys, I really don't get this. We have a disease, we're not rapists or murders or whatever, nothing to be ashamed about, nothing to get worked up about! If somebody asks how you feel, they obviously know, and probably because we told them! Tell them, however you want! Geeeez!

Cheers, Doug!

Logo, that about wraps it up, eh?

Cheers, Doug