Michael54322 said...
Hi,
This is my first time here. Undergoing robotic surgery by a very reputable surgeon next week. G7, PSA 7.2. At the "intermediate" stage.
I'm in my late 50s. I've always had a high sex drive and excellent erections. I've been told that depending on my surgical outcome, it could be one to two years before I begin having erections again. What do you guys who've had surgery do when you have sexual urges but you can't get hard enough to do anything about it? Sometimes I will get so aroused that I have to pleasure myself before I can concentrate on my work. The thought that I will continue to have sexual urges after surgery but not be able to satisfy them is very distressing. What does one do? Try to ignore them? Something else? Sex has always been one of the few things in life that have given me pleasure and now I feel that in a sense, my life is coming to an end.
Thanks for your advice.
I certainly understand exactly how you feel. I am trying not to be too negative about
surgery, as there are some for whom it is the best choice by far, but it is difficult for me to not be negative. My main thoughts for you are: do you have any reasonable alternatives besides surgery, that
would not significantly increase your odds of dying from PC? Because if you do, it is my personal opinion- and others will feel just the opposite- that you should seriously consider them, as it is obvious from your letter that sex is very important to you, as it was once for me.
Now 1st let me say that there are some men- maybe a significant number- who have surgery and regain full and even natural erection ability, either quickly or after a year or two. There are others who do great with pills, injections or even pumps. That is at least better than nothing. I really have no way of knowing what the % is who manage to get erections again naturally or with the help of pills. But there are definitely some, maybe a lot, and others who can get it done with pumps or injections. And finally the smaller # who opt for penile implant surgery, some of those would be guys like me, for whom even the injections never quite do the job.
But wait! There is at least one more factor to be considered. If you can get an erection either naturally or by one means or another, what about
the orgasm? Does it feel remotely the same? If it feels different, does it feel good and worthwhile? Once again, you will find quite a variety of experiences among people here who have had surgery. You will find people here who have an orgasm that is
even better than before, believe it or not! Then there is a group who have an orgasm, and it is different than before but still worth having. Then there are folks like me, and I am not the only one. On those rare occasions when I am willing to jump through all of the pump/injection hoops to get a usable erection, I find that the orgasm is so poor as to almost be a negative, unpleasant experience, which really ends up being quite depressing. At 15 months out, it just simply does not feel good any longer. It is probably closer to actually feeling bad, with no sense of relief. For me, it feels like there is something in there that needs to get out real bad, but it can't. BTW, it felt GREAT the day before surgery!
And don't forget fear of Peyronie's Disease from injections or even just from RP. And how would you feel about
having urine escape any time you have a sexual thought or orgasm? Which is just a completely different subject than just wetting your pants for a month or a year or two until you have more surgery for that.
My surgeon told me before surgery: "You most likely will have permanent ED because with your G9 I will have to cut wide, but you can just inject." Well, injections have simply never provided an erection that is quite good enough even if standing, and zero results if I lay down.(they usually do, however, provide a couple of hours of intense ache) I can get hard as a rock with a pump, but it(orgasm) feels even worse than the injections do, so far. So, I would probably already be signed up for a penile implant, if it felt good anymore. But if it is actually unpleasant, what is the point? So for now at least I am not going any further down that road. Maybe things will improve and I will change my mind in the future, but that is how I feel at the moment.
Now, I'm feeling guilty about
terrifying you. And let me remind you that some surgery guys do much better than I have in this regard. MUCH BETTER! Then again, a few actually do worse. You are wondering how any could do worse? How about
no erection at all no matter what you inject, or how about
urinating every time you have sex, or how about
a penis bent in half(Peyronie's) or all of the above? How about
all of the above plus MAJOR SHRINKAGE? I have been spared- so far- all of this last group except a bit urination related problems. But other have not been spared.
Which category will you be in?Brother, here's the thing:
You simply do not have to have surgery! There are other alternatives with just as good odds of a cure, some might say better depending on many variables. Yes, you can have bad SEs from RT, but the odds are you will never compete with surgery in that area, at least not long term, or certainly with immediate SEs. Some RT folks claim virtually no lasting SEs.(all a bit different if you have to have RT AFTER surgery) From reading your OP, AND BASED ON YOUR CONCERNS UP FRONT, I'd say unless you have 2nd and 3rd opinions from a variety of specialists convincing you that only surgery can save your life or at least give you significantly better odds, then I say: "RUN AWAY!". Once you have that surgery, whatever you end up with, there really is no turning back if you end up like us unlucky ones. If you do end up among the unlucky group, more surgery might fix you. Maybe. Run away!
Sorry surgery guys, no offense. I know this is an individual thing. I know some of us just have to have surgery, have to get it out. Plus some of us will do pretty darn good over all. All of the above is just based on my personal opinion which is itself based on my personal experience with incontinence, impotence and loss of sexual pleasure since surgery. Plus the fact that with a G9 and positive margin and SV+ I have a chance of needing RT anyway in the future. The incontinence is finally tolerable. Sexual pleasure is, so far and at 15 months, history, a distant memory. Unfortunately, sexual desire is unchanged.