Who makes your treatment decisions? You? Your wife? Someone else?

While sitting in the waiting room of my PCP's office recently, there for an appointment for a minor matter (not PCa related), I happened to be sitting next to an older couple, about my age.

I never spoke to them during our mutual wait (they were called into their own appointment a few minutes later anyway), but being in proximity I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. They were busily talking to each other about his condition (a cardiac issue as I gathered), his medications, what they would be saying to the doctor shortly, things like that.

But what struck me about their conversation was just how completely she, the wife, was in charge of all the decisions concerning his treatment. She was the one saying "We need to do this," "We need to do that," "We'll tell the doctor such-and-such," "I'll talk to him about your medications," and so on. And he seemed very content just sitting there, saying "Yes, that's fine, dear, you take care of it."

In other words, this couple had arrived at an approach where she was the one in charge of taking care of his health situation, and he was happy to let her do it.

And you know what? For many couples that's fine, that's a satisfactory arrangement for them. And of course there are lots of guys who insist on making all the calls affecting their health themselves, because they always have, or think they should. And then there are the guys who are alone (like me, a widower), who of necessity must make their own calls.

But after listening to that couple in the waiting room, I began to wonder just how the average couple really does go about the treatment decision process, that is, who makes the decisions, who plans the next step. etc. Hence the above survey.

The choices in the survey should be clear, and it will be interesting to see if a pattern in the answers predominates. Perhaps, ideally, the dominant pattern should be the "we collaborate" answer, but we'll see.

And if you would like to post below and tell why the arrangement of the two of you has proved to be especially useful, please do. Your answer might help others.

In the case of that older couple, maybe he has some kind of cognitive problem and she has to take charge. Just a thought. I did the survey but really we listen to the doc/med teams and then agree with them. So far, I feel like they know a lot more about this than I. So I think I have been given good advice and don't know of anything I would do different. Except maybe Xtandi instead of Zytiga, but that was not available at the time.

I make my own decisions. My wife is just not good at this sort of thing, and in addition, i am a take control type, and believe its my body and my life, i welcome her input, and i take responsibility for the final decision. (and outcome)

My wife is fine with it, i think she thinks its the right way to go about it, she did give me her opinions, and i agreed with them, as it happens

I listen to the docs, do my own research and make my own decisions as I must live - or die - with those. The wife supports me and gives her input, but I am Dr Science in our house.

I post on this site for my spouse at times. When my husband was diagnosed, it was me that took action and made appt's, etc. He counts on me to take the lead and do the research, so to speak. I guess I would say I made the decisions; however, he was always grateful. Ever since the diagnosis, he copes by burying his head in the sand and just doing what he has to do to get through it, so he says, and I cope by obsessing, researching, etc. somehow, it works!

From Day 1, Nick's approach has been to focus on living. I took the lead on researching, asking questions and taking copious notes. And being on three PC forums.
Newly married, we committed ourselves to 100% honesty and this has helped enormously. We trust our doctors but I review all the options and share thoughts from this and other forums with him. In the end, he has made the treatment decisions. And he is the happiest dying man I know.

I make the final decision on my health. I do talk it out with her and she gives me her input.

The day I was diagnosed, the first thing she said was "Get it out!" I remember coming back with "Wait a minute, it is my life and my future that is going to be effected. Let me think this out."

When I decided on the AUS surgery, I went to the doctor to discuss an Advance Sling. After deciding instead on the AUS, I called my wife at work to tell her my decision and why.

I will decide on my health matters and she will decide on hers. She had a heart valve replaced less than 4 months after my RP and she decided what kind to install.

Bill from Florida