Bololidat said...
Im not on anything but do have minor nite sweats and have had them a long time{ the wife says I'm just a hot blooded guy}...I am hi-strung and wound fairly tight{duh}...have vivid..active and fun dreams.{even the bad ones..i kick butt}..imo you wrestle with your self in a yea/nay inner struggle and are unsettled...generally speaking...Advice...melt into yourself..whenever "it" starts up..
What is "it"? only you know...but know you do...What is melt into yourself? Just by an act of will let everything go...and if only for a minute experience what it is like when the load is gone..everything..just fricken gone...right..wrong...dis..dat..everything...feel it once...remember it...melt into it at will...frick em all... "burden light...yoke easy..." no one needs to struggle for peace...just receive it...thats why its there...its free..its real...turn to it...
Ok, this is heading a bit off-topic for this thread, but it's my thread, so there.
Bolo, I don't always get the rather beatnik vibe of your posts, but I appreciate the thought in this one. You're right, I do struggle... my wife says "It must be hard to live in your head". She has no idea. Unsettled? Yes. Most of the time. Dreams? Awakened frequently by the hot flashes, I find my dreams are usually exceedingly unpleasant, often alarmingly so.
My faith helps me, though I often keep grabbing back problems, real or imaginary, that I fully intend to commit to the care/control of one greater than I. Let it go? Hold with an
open hand? Sure, trying regularly, with quite varied success.
The clouds part, the sun's out, the waves are dying, picking up the debris. Has the storm truly passed, gone, over the horizon? Or, are we in the eye of the storm, having survived the fury of the first wall, and waiting for the other side to arrive, one day, some day? I can trust the storm's gone, convince myself, but I can't take down the hurricane shutters yet. Unsettled, yes. I'll enjoy the sunshine though!
This latest new-doc/PSA-up episode tripped me up in ways I hadn't expected, and am still working to truly resolve/accept/overcome. Scratched through the thin veneer of my confidence, it did. I think there's nothing there, but to be convinced of it, of anything, requires an almost insurmountable level of study. And the studies aren't definitive. It's like trying to get a good firm grip on a handful of whipped cream.
It's the way I'm wired, my "operating system". I'm not like this because I'm an engineer, I'm an engineer because I'm like this. You make a good point, to reach back to those few moments of true calm, true peace, to pool with them... There are not many such, especially not in the last 3+ years. Sigh...
But I would still like to have the hot flashes go away!