A hard few weeks

With the recent news of the losses of Snowcake's dad, and Dan, and the fading days of Chris (teamchris) and Gary (Celebrate Life), it's hard for me to come in here and check the latest. With my own loss of my mom on June 15, I'm reminded very clearly about the limits, and my own mortality.

We do a lot of living in the forum, and that is a great thing. We do, however, need to remember that for some of us, this side of our common disease is very, very real. The reminders are needed, even if we'd rather not hear them.

We all stand together, and that makes us strong.

Peace.

1. I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death.
They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make.
Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.
We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.
~Leo Buscaglia~

In the 4+ years I've been here I've never seen so many hard situations in such a short time.

When someone does have a bad outcome, it is always a reminder that this is a very real enemy we're all battling. We go back and forth about treatments, side effects, studies, side effects, new drugs, side effects, outcomes, and sometimes side effects. But we're ultimately here for each other, with a unique empathy based on our common experiences.

And yet life swirls on around us. These realities provide focus, increase the appreciation of every day, the very miracle of this thing we call life. I don't know if any of this makes any of the losses easier, I'm not sure anything can.

Pratoman said...
Yup, it's hard to check in here sometimes. Yet it's hard, maybe even harder, not to.

I've had to out of necessity change how and what I read. Initially I could read the stories of those who are worse off than me and consider myself fortunate. It was in a way uplifting. And I could read posts from those recently afflicted and perhaps impart some of my own knowledge and experiences.

But anymore, I find the former to be just too depressing. I started out reading Chris and Gary's end of life stories, but recently it just sent me into a dark spiral. And it seems like more of the the neophytes seem to be concerned about ED than about disease progression, and I find myself overcome with feelings I'd rather not admit to. I wrote about this recently in my blog, trying to avoid coming across as being overly cynical.

Yet as much as I know that I should take a badly needed break from spending so much of my time reading about cancer, I just can't seem to break away entirely. Because I am still in the midst of my own battle, it is still important to absorb as much valuable information as possible. And this is one of the better places to find it.

So it seems I must risk my own mental health for the sake of staying informed. It's a difficult balance to achieve. I feel that I am struggling just to find some stable ground somewhere between optimism and despair.

Pratoman said...
Yup, it's hard to check in here sometimes. Yet it's hard, maybe even harder, not to.

I'll have to agree, especially since this is not the only medical-related board I frequent. My other board is related to some specific heart surgery areas, but we here have lost or are losing more brothers lately than we seem to have lost in the past 5 years or more on the heart board. Just goes to show me that cancer, any type of cancer, can be more of a threat than we expect, and that we all need to be ever watchful of our own journeys.

My heart is with those we are losing, but it also dwells with those who are still with us.

As a wife, my heart goes out to you men and the ladies that are there for you. It's hard on me as well but a necessary thing, as I desperately need more support in our lives.

You all are like family and if that comes with pain of losing some, I will accept it and try to carry on best I can. No matter how hard it may be.

Sue I hope I am as composed and graceful as you and Beth have been through all this when the time comes. I need to find my strength. Sending love and prayers.

Kristina

Halbert said...
With the recent news of the losses of Snowcake's dad, and Dan, and the fading days of Chris (teamchris) and Gary (Celebrate Life), it's hard for me to come in here and check the latest. With my own loss of my mom on June 15, I'm reminded very clearly about the limits, and my own mortality.

We do a lot of living in the forum, and that is a great thing. We do, however, need to remember that for some of us, this side of our common disease is very, very real. The reminders are needed, even if we'd rather not hear them.

We all stand together, and that makes us strong.

Peace.

I know exactly what you mean, Brother, or at least I think I do.

There is just no way of escaping the inevitable, is there? PCa, other Ca, heart issues, car wrecks, wars, plagues or just a hospital acquired infection, super bugs, meteor strikes, tsunamis, earthquakes, etc, etc, ad infinitum. It reminds me of something another person I know of said: "Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.”Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.". Ain't that the truth!

I suppose many or most of us we spend most of our lives blocking thoughts about the above. But such thoughts periodically force their way into our consciousness, when we lose friends/family/loved ones. Or, when we get a scary diagnosis ourselves, it becomes much tougher to ignore the path we are on from the moment of our birth. I guess we better get busy living, and accomplishing something worthwhile during our short trip through this life.