Post treatment sexuality-a contrary view

It sounds like you may be more deserving of sainthood...

Mr Duck,

We often find that 'toys' of the sort you mention can help a man not to feel as helpless while he waits to see how much he will recover after surgery. Often the presence of a friendly plastic surrogate helps a man enough with his confidence that the doodad isn't needed after all. Sex works better when it's fun, not a source of anxiety. Sex toys can be like Dumbo's magic feather that gives him the confidence to realize that he can fly.

That said, we try to keep a PG-13 rating on the forum. We prefer to keep discussion of sex toys rather abstract and to avoid specifics of which toys are the most fun or which games we like to play with them. The whole "strap on" thing is, perhaps, a bit over the line into too much information. ... But now that the subject has come up I will use the excuse to tell about an epiphany I had while having lunch in a Taco Bell in Sylva, NC. I was looking at a hardware store across the street that was advertising Strap On Tools and I noticed that "Strap On" is "no parts" spelled backwards. I then realized that "No parts strap on" is a palindrome (spells the same thing forwards or backwards) and I remembered a show I had seen once on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

Are you using the "constriction" bands that should have come with your pump? The bands are uncomfortable and they give you a bit of a hinge action -- like the last link wobbling on the end of a string of link sausages -- but they do help you keep most of what you accomplish with the pump and some guys use them quite happily.

And, as for injections, yes, lots of us have used them. They do work for most men and they are easier than you think. Since you can get quite a few jabs out of a little vial of "trimix" they turn out to be one of the least expensive ED treatments as well as one of the most effective.

Blackjack said...

BillyBob@388 said...
...and still makes me wonder if I am staying away from something that would be beneficial for my mental health.

Really? You're wondering about the direct relationship between sex and mental well being...? This is very widely documented by many, many mental health professionals...I think this has got to be a favorite subject in psych school.

You don't have to "wonder" about it any longer. Sex IS linked to mental well being. Don't take my word alone...just google "sex and mental well being." Or conversely, google "sex deprivation and mental health" and learn about "sex anorexia."

Sex can relieve stress, anxiety and depression (the exercise one gets in vigorous sex helps physical well being, too...I've been known to drip sweat on my wife, but usually I try to wipe my brow with the back of my hand or forearm first). Sex can increase your self-esteem (feeling nurtured, desired and consequently good about yourself). Sex can lead to greater intimacy with your partner (gotta love those endorphins and serotonin). Sex can help you get great sleep, which brings plenty of mental and physical benefits. Even sex with your self helps some of those things (not all), and also keep in mind that some docs will tell you that masterbation (deliberate sp), while bringing some benefits, also promotes loneliness.

I give a lot of presentations in my job. Some of the best advice I read about being stressed about public speaking was: don't stay up late, have sex, cuddle together, and have a restful sleep. Oxytocin released during orgasm promotes better sleep. That's memorable advice, although I don't personally follow it closely...another of the beneficial learnings for couples our age is to consider morning sex. The notion of "morning wood" is a real thing for men of all ages because your body (and your partner's) function more efficiently after a night's rest...and this is particularly beneficial for older men who want to stack the odds in their favor for the best possible outcomes. Besides, the alcohol from a cocktails or two followed by some wine at night works in the opposite direction...

Apple a day? Try switching to an orgasm a day to keep the doctor away.

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Really? So, your telling me that sex is not only fun but good for mental health, and it might even be depressing or mentally unhealthy to be deprived of sex? Wow, who would have thunk it? That is fascinating information you supply, something I never would have guessed at! No wonder I get unhappy sometimes when I think about what has been lost.

Unfortunately, your reply had nothing to do with my post. I said not a word about " wondering about the direct relationship between sex and mental well being". I actually don't wonder about that at all. I said "and still makes me wonder if I am staying away from something that would be beneficial for my mental health.", referring to the penile prosthesis that PDA had mentioned. And wondering if that would be worthwhile. Sure, being able to have glorious sex like I still could 5 years ago would be wonderful for my state of mind. But just being able to get hard enough is not neccesarily going to accomplish that, just like injections and pumps did not do so.

IOW, there is a lot more to sexual pleasure than being able to get a prosthesis supplied erection. Which if I could do that, it likely would not over come the many other issues I had previously mentioned before the statement you quoted, like lack of any pleasurable sensations with orgasm, probable shrinkage by now, climacturia, and a partner who though willing, is really uninterested and would just as soon not. Which knowing that she is not really in to it, takes away a good bit of the pleasure for me. An implant might or might not help with some or all of those problems, leaving me to wonder if it is worth the risk and trouble of another operation. THAT is what I wonder about. However, although your comments do not apply to my post, and did not give me any new information, they are more or less correct, as far as I can tell. Thanks for the info.
Fixed a formatting problem that made the text hard to read. -- PDA

Post Edited (BillyBob@388) : 4/24/2019 11:07:09 PM (GMT-6)

halbert, you have successfully failed to see the forest through the trees. Not for the first time. With this in mind, you should go back and re-read what I wrote in this light…maybe you’ll get it this time. I think you’ve got the blame-game locked into your mind and are not open to changing viewpoints, so I’ll simply summarize the highlights you’ve missed here…but for the benefit of future readers of this thread, go back to my comments on Page 1 which were a much richer and a more complete embellishment. It's very obvious, halbert, that others in the thread “got it” when you didn’t.

• Sexuality and sex are not the same thing; sexuality and sexual ability are not the same thing, either, and sexuality is not sexual desire. You’ve mixed them up...you’ve confused the terms, they are connected but these are all different terms. A significant portion of my posted reply was spent trying to get you back on-track with the term “sexuality,” which was in your subject line but then never referenced (correctly) again.
  
  
• Sexuality will influence your sexual desire—and your sexual desirability to others—and can contribute to more/better sex. At one point about a week ago in this thread, I tried to steer you back on-track by asking: “halbert, what’s your thoughts on the importance of sexuality on desire?” Maybe you can try to address this in your next reply...that will be an indicator to us all that you are actually reading the words here.
  
  
• You ask: “or what?” How about starting by stop blaming your wife for being the problem (“Its her fault”)…take some responsibility by stepping-up your own sexuality, and maybe some better sex (maybe more frequent sex) will be the outcome.
  
  
• Also, note that you misinterpreted (perhaps fantasized) my “coaching” comments about my own intimate life. Upon re-review, my comment were clearly not about sharing how “fantastic” it is (although I’ll add here that it’s pretty darned good). Rather, it was to speak to “enthusiasm” as an important supplemental element of sexuality (correct use of the term). It’s my suggestion for how to add a contagious “spark” which can boost the sexual desire/desirability. In fact, if you’ll focus on that instead of your own performance problems, you abilities might be improved, too. All around a good thing!

See you in Philly weekend after next? Maybe it’s time to meet over a hazy IPA.

How about the following weekend?