A wife leaves the house at 10 pm and comes back at 8 am wearing a new fur stole. The husband asks "Where did you get that coat?" She says "Oh, I won it in a raffle. Draw me a bath, please, darling, I'm very tired"

The next week she goes out again late comes back wearing a new pearl necklace. Again the husband asks "Where did you get that necklace?" Again she says "This? Oh, I won it in another raffle. Draw me a bath. please darling, I'm very tired"

The third week once again she goes out and returns driving a new car. The husband asks "Where did you get that car? And the wife, once again she replied "I was lucky again in a raffle. Draw me a bath please.

She goes into the bathroom and sees two inches of water in the tub. "Darling, why didn't you fill the bath up for me? The husband replied "I don't want you to get your ticket wet."

Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, miss a couple of loan payments.

There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.