Friday humor: dumb joke

Yep, this one's really dumb, but it did make me smile.

What did the Texas cowboy say when he walked into the German automobile dealership?

Audi.

Agreed. Dumb.

Couldn't resist ...

It's a RIDDLE. Here we go:

"You're riding a HORSE at dizzying full speed.

There's a TIGER right next to you, circling around you & the horse.

There's a LION right behind you, and you're NOT outpacing the lion.

WHAT DO YOU DO?"

ANSWER:

"Stop buying carnival tickets and get your drunken a** off the dam* carousel!"

Just for fun ~ no charge for today's riddle!

CYCLONE ~ # Iowa State University

Steve and cyclone, stop it, I can’t stop laughing.😂😂😂😂

There was a Rabbi who, over his career, had performed hundreds of Bris ceremonies. Over time, he collected the foreskins for some reason. As he neared retirement, he had an idea. He took the jar of foreskins to a leather worker, and asked him to 'make him something special'.

A few weeks later, the leather worker called him and asked him to come collect his item. When he arrived, the leather worker handed him a sort of peculiar looking wallet. The Rabbi exclaimed, "What am I going to do with a wallet??? Especially one that looks like this????". The leather work smiled and said, "Rabbi, this is a truly special wallet. When you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "No, you are in charge of the kitchen around here so you should do it, because that's your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it says in the Bible that the man of the house should brew the coffee."

The husband replies, "What? I can't believe that! Show me!"

So the wife fetches the Bible, opens it to the New Testament, and shows him the top of several pages, that indeed say "HEBREWS."

Steve n Dallas said...
ATTENTION: A man was seriously hurt in a game of peek a boo yesterday!!!!


He’s now in ICU!

Clearly he was in stitches.

Was it Rodney Dangerfield that said; My wife and I would have been divorced years ago, but neither one of us wanted custody of the children.
Michael

Five ants from the ant colony decided to rent an apartment together.

Five more ants decided to move in with them.

From that day forward, they became TENANTS together.

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

Steve lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present, and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready, he begins to speak:
"My son, Doug, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses"

"My daughter Kelly, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."

"My son, Kevin, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."

"Cathy, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Steve slips away, the nurse says, "Your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."

The wife replies, "The jackass had a newspaper route."

QUICK RIDDLE:

"What do you call a pig with laryngitis?"

ANSWER: "DISGRUNTLED!"

CYCLONE ☺

A business CEO was interviewing job applicants for the position of Chief Financial Officer of his company.

He devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate.

He would simply ask each applicant the question, "How much is two plus two?" and then evaluate how each candidate answered.

The first interviewee was a statistician, who when asked the question consulted some mathematical tables and replied "4, with a p=.99 confidence interval."

The second interviewee was a social worker.

She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm so glad that we were able to have this wonderful conversation about it."

The third applicant was an engineer.

He pulled out his calculator, ran some numbers, and came up with the answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001."

Next came an attorney.

He said "in the case of Jenkins vs. Department of the Treasury, two plus two was legally established to be four."

Finally, the CEO interviewed an accountant.

When he asked the accountant how much two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, opened it, cautiously looked out of it both ways, stepped back in and closed the door quietly, came back, and sat down.

He then leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

He got the job.

"I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I eventually got canned ...

Truth be told, the boss fired me because I just couldn't CONCENTRATE!"


Awwww ... groan ...

CYCLONE ~ # Iowa State University