Friday humor (Aug. 30): how well-meaning computer apps can sometimes make for BIG trouble!

I hope this Friday humor contribution isn't too edgy for this forum's family humor standard. (Well, maybe not).

But I think it does serve as a kind of warning about how sometimes computer apps can, quite innocently and unexpectedly, create a situation, even a possibly dangerous one, that nobody would have likely ever seen coming.

Example. The following that I found on a humor site is fictional, I guess, but it seems like something that could happen for real.

A conversation between two neighbors:

"Hi Bill,

This is John next door.

I have a confession to make.

I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.

The truth is I have been taking advantage of and helping myself to your wife, day and night, when you haven't been around.

In fact, probably more than you.

I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know.

The temptation was just too much.

I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me.

It won't happen again.

Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.

Regards, John."

BILL'S REACTION:

Bill, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabs his gun, goes over to John's place, and shoots John dead.

He then returns home where he pours himself a stiff drink and sits down on his sofa, shaking all over with a mix of anger and shock.

But then he takes out his phone and sees that he has a subsequent message from his neighbor John, obviously posted before Bill took the rash action he did:

JOHN'S SECOND MESSAGE

"Hi Bill,

This is John next door again.

Sorry about the typo on my last text.

I expect you have already figured it out by now anyway, and you noticed that darned Autocorrect changed 'Wi-Fi' To 'Wife'.

Technology, huh?

Regards, John."

While the above is a dark humor, presumably fictional account of how a terrible event might occur in real life, due to an unforeseen computer mishap (mis-app?), sometimes such things really do pop up from time to time in real life.

For example, here's such a real-life occurrence of something similar, human caused, not computer caused, from my own experience.

Once when I was working in my library, we had occasion to order a CD of some cataloging records from a vendor named Carrollton Press. The convenience name we used for those records was "the CARP records" (short for Carrollton Press), a term which the press itself also used.

When our order was running a bit late, we instructed a secretary to email this question to the press:

"When may we expect delivery of your CARP records?"

Only problem was, the secretary, in her haste, accidentally transposed the two internal letters of the next-to-last word in the above line, rather substantially altering what the sentence had to say, it would seem.

True story.

Our contact at the press was sharp enough to see how the error occurred, and replied, rather puckishly, that his press's records were of the highest quality, and there was simply no reason for us to denigrate them so!

Good for a laugh, and not resulting in any tragic consequences, as in the case of the fictional (?) account above.

But whether due to a human goof, or because of some unimagined computer action, both are the sort of thing we need to watch out for in our verbal dealings with others.

In particular, maybe a good idea to read over something after we have run a spell-check on it, before sending it on, to make sure no unintended verbal surprises have been inadvertently created in it.

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
-source unknown.