It was exactly one year ago (July 9, 2010), that my biopsy results were made known to me. My uro/surgeon confirmed that I had prostate cancer. That revelation was followed by DaVinci surgery on August 20th, which seems to have been successful, but a very miserable winter with two extremely painful herniated discs in my neck, and now an apparently ruptured disc in my lower back have made this a tough year! I haven't had this newest back thing checked out yet, but have no reason to think it's PCa connected at all....just a very painful back that hurts with every movement.
Here are a few passages from my journal that show my state of mind on the day I received the biopsy report:
"
July 9th, 2010:
At ten minutes before three o’clock on the afternoon of July 9th,
2010, my wife and I sat making small talk and fidgeting as we waited for Dr. Khan to come into the exam room and give
us the results of the prostate biopsy he had done on me two weeks earlier.
The door opened, Dr. Khan walked in, and his words to me
were, “Well, Bill, we have a few things to talk about.”
"The first of those things to be talked about was that the
biopsy had confirmed prostate cancer present in half of the twelve samples
taken during the earlier biopsy. All of
the cancerous findings were on the left lobe." (note: the biopsy after surgery actually found cancer in both halves of the prostate, though more of it on the left).
"I was a little surprised but completely composed and full of
questions. The worst news I had been
expecting was that some cancer had been found, but that it was ranked low on
the Gleason scale, slow growing, and that we would just keep an eye on it and
see if it might take a more serious turn.
I felt much too good to have anything seriously wrong with me. Really, I thought he would tell me what I
already knew: that I had an enlarged
prostate and that he would prescribe Flomax or one of the other newer drugs to
shrink the gland and relieve the symptoms of frequent and urgent urination."
"But here he was talking about intermediate risk cancer and
what the options might be."
"Dr. Khan spent a long time with us. He was as reassuring as he could be that the
outlook was good for a cure. But it was
quite clear that this was serious business and that ignoring the problem would
not be appropriate in our case."
What I remember most clearly is my initial fatalistic attitude. I was well aware that the doctor might deliver bad news, and that's exactly what happened. My emotional response was delayed for a couple of hours until I tried to tell my 39-year-old son what I had learned. That's when I broke down for the first time. It took a while for the reality that I had cancer to sink in.
It saddens me to think that hundreds of men are receiving this same bad news every day of the year here in the States and around the world. Each deals with it as best he can.
Since my diagnosis, I've learned a lot about prostate cancer, and I've found this forum and exchanged ideas with some great guys (and great women, too) here. Half a dozen friends and relatives have been diagnosed with prostate cancer in the year since my own diagnosis, and I've tried to be helpful and supportive for each of them. One of them was my college roommate, whom I haven't seen since 1967. The fact that prostate cancer has entered my life is never far from my mind.
Thanks to all here at HW who have been so helpful to me this past year as I've come to terms with this new reality. Bless you all.