Friday Joke Day

Man goes into a restaurant and places his order. He idly asks the waiter why the waiter has a teaspoon in his jacket pocket. The waiter explains that the teaspoon is closest to the edge of the table and sometimes falls to the floor. When that happens, I just replace the spoon with the spoon in my pocket; I don't have to make a trip to the kitchen. Management here is very concernd with efficiency which is why I always carry a spare spoon.

Customer then asks the waiter why he has a string coming out of his fly. Waiter explains that the string is connected to his "water works" and that when he needs to relieve himself he just pulls on the string. If he doesn't touch himself he doesn't have to wash his hands and that saves time. All in the name of efficiency.

Customer then asks how the waiter gets his "water works" back in. Waiter: I don't know about the other waiters, but I use the spoon!

Jim and Marie

Wampus Kittens

Top 10 Signs Your Prostate Exam is Not Going Well

#10: Doctor: "Oops, there goes my watch again..."

#9: You look on the wall to find your doctor got his MD from the University of Phoenix.

#8: While performing the exam, something bites your doctor's finger.

#7: Nurse: "I can't find the lube anywhere, doctor...I think we're out."

#6: Doctor: "Hmmm, I've never seen anything like that before."

#5: The doctor decides it would be funny to check your rectal acoustics
and finds them surprisingly resonant. (Hello...Hello...Hello...Hello)

#4: Doctor: "Hey Johnson, come here and feel this guy's prostate...It's
the size of a grapefruit!"

#3: The doctor tries to sell you cosmetic enhancements: electrolysis, anal
bleaching, laser hemorrhoid removal, etc.

#2: The doctor insists on not wearing rubber gloves because they ruin
the intimacy.

And the #1 sign your prostate exam is not going well:

Your doctor performs the final part of the exam with both hands firmly
placed on your shoulders.

so a duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "got any grapes?"

Bartender says, "What kind of place do you think this is? we don't have any grapes and ducks aren't allowed. Get out of here."

Next day the duck comes back to the bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

Bartender says, "No, now get out of here and don't come back."

Next day the duck comes back to the bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

Bartender says, "No and if you ever come back here asking for grapes I am going to nail your feet to the bar. Now leave!"

Next day the duck comes back to the bar and asks, "Got any nails?"

Bartender says, "What's wrong with you? No I don't have any nails."

Duck replies, "Okay, then do you have any grapes?"

An oldie, but seems appropriate given one of the threads this past week:

A guy walks into a bar and pulls a tiny grand piano out of his pocket. Then, he pulls out a little guy who sits down and begins to play. "Where'd ya get that?" the bartender asks. "I have a magic bottle; you rub it and get a wish," the customer replies. The customer agrees to let the bartender try it, and pulls a grungy old whiskey bottle from his pocket. The bartender rubs it, and the room fills up with ducks, flying and pooping everywhere. "I didn't wish for a million ducks", says the bartender. "So, did you think I wished for a ten inch pianist?" responds the customer.