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An urgent request to the Moderators

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Prostate Cancer
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Posted 2/20/2013 7:28 PM (GMT -5)
The problem could forever be resolved by banning any member that is compelled to announce to the forum that they are going to quit the forum because they don't like something about the forum.

i said this at least a year ago and i'll say it again.  on most moderated forums i have ever been on "checking out" is expressly forbidden.  and if you do attempt to "check out"  you will be checked out possibly permanently by the moderators.

if you don't like the forum let your absence serve notice that you are no longer here...i.e., you have checked out.  also, if you don't like someone put him/her on ignore.

i don't believe anyone runs someone off a forum.  i think things change and people leave. 

i believe checking out is a manipulative, attention-seeking behavior that serves no constructive purpose.

ed

Posted 2/20/2013 8:01 PM (GMT -5)
I support whatever approach the moderators wish to take toward this nastiness.

Blessed are the peacemakers.
Posted 2/20/2013 8:11 PM (GMT -5)
I would like to thank the moderators for all they do have to put up with. All that and no pay.

Mods -thanks for all you do.

Andrew
Posted 2/20/2013 8:29 PM (GMT -5)
Do the moderators have control over what is posted prior to it being posted?
Posted 2/20/2013 8:32 PM (GMT -5)
I wouldn't think so
Posted 2/20/2013 8:34 PM (GMT -5)
no. and that's a sure way to kill a forum. Every board I've ever seen that switched to a format whereby a mod has to pre approve a post before it gets posted dies. Not to mention that it becomes e full time job for the mods.
Posted 2/20/2013 8:58 PM (GMT -5)

Dave7 said...
I too understand the dilemma.It is not black and white.

I wish there was a way other than editing, but I don't know what that would be.

Dave

You get rid of the antiquated "thread most recently responded to" system that's in effect and create a "file system" where threads of differing interests and subjects are grouped. It's not difficult...

With all the moderator abilities that are available it's possible. And along with that, there could be a section where angry people could argue--- with limited moderation, ad nauseum if they so desire.

The way this board is organized is cumbersome and it doesn't lend well to searches. The searching will not be fixed by creating the "file system" but it would enable to move, rather than deleting, full or partial posts of members.

I actually suggested this a couple weeks ago but it went unnoticed except for a few who scoffed. Go figure... I'd be willing to talk to the mods if they wish. I run my own board on another subject. The features of that board enable me to warn, ban, move threads... it's not difficult and WAY easier than what you're doing now. I say that with all due respect as this board is far busier than my own.

Dave7 has it right! I find it interesting that lurkers and infrequent posters like me are chiming in now, in the heat of this debacle, offering views. That speaks volumes to me. I don't know about others but there are many times where I feel like contributing, but don't because of the feeling that the "experts" are laying in wait. Different methods of moderation can mitigate this.

My email is not public, but I'd welcome the mods to contact me if they wish. I'd be happy to help. It's the least I could do for the help I've received here in the last couple years...

Dude.
Posted 2/20/2013 9:06 PM (GMT -5)

F8 said...
The problem could forever be resolved by banning any member that is compelled to announce to the forum that they are going to quit the forum because they don't like something about the forum.
i said this at least a year ago and i'll say it again. on most moderated forums i have ever been on "checking out" is expressly forbidden. and if you do attempt to "check out" you will be checked out possibly permanently by the moderators.

if you don't like the forum let your absence serve notice that you are no longer here...i.e., you have checked out. also, if you don't like someone put him/her on ignore.

i don't believe anyone runs someone off a forum. i think things change and people leave.

i believe checking out is a manipulative, attention-seeking behavior that serves no constructive purpose.

ed

THIS!

This is very common. In fact, obvious trolling would just be deleted and the member warned a number of times prior to being banned. When the inevitable, "What did I do..." emails begin, I merely cut and paste from the deleted threads that I've saved in a Word file the examples of trolling and individual attention seeking and say so long. It may not stop the emails, but it does end the inflaming threads.
Posted 2/20/2013 9:09 PM (GMT -5)
what board do you moderate? ( i mean the theme)
Posted 2/20/2013 9:16 PM (GMT -5)
...a movie.
Posted 2/20/2013 9:34 PM (GMT -5)
which one?

My wife and I watch movies all the time.

Right now we're really into BBC shows and Scandinavian "Nordic Noir" shows. There are some amazing ones like "The Bridge" and "The Killing". BBC is always golden.

Good movies are to come by these days. We saw ARGO last night.
Posted 2/21/2013 12:25 AM (GMT -5)
from above:

"i don't believe anyone runs someone off a forum. i think things change and people leave."

I can't believe that is a serious statement. There are all kinds of cyber bullying going on these days, its been well reported in the normal media on a regular basis. Doesn't matter if its a social site like Facebook, or a forum like HW, and many others.

If a member, or members are targeted by one or more on a regular basis, slandered, called names, humiliated or made to feel humiliated, yes, some "get ran" off.

I find cyber bullying even more cowardly than real life bullying, because in real life, the bully stands the chance of getting his a** kicked for real if he bullies the wrong person. Of course on-line people can be intimidated and leave or be ran off.

david in sc
Posted 2/21/2013 12:50 AM (GMT -5)
 Of course on-line people can be intimidated and leave or be ran off.

or they just keep threatening to leave and keep running off at the mouth :-) !

ed

 

Posted 2/21/2013 1:10 AM (GMT -5)
Ed,
If you're wanting to see if the status quo can continue. It cannot. But let me reason with you.

I have been moderating this forum since long before you arrived. Conflicts have been here on and off the whole time. We've lost countless members, many I'm still in touch with, due to bad behavior by a core of few inconsiderate folks.

I have run them off too. I think it's unreasonable to come here for support, get it, and then try to chase someone off you don't see eye to eye with.

Cmon, i'm working hard, for free, on my time, trying to get some peace restored. Help me out a bit...even if just a little...

Tony
Posted 2/21/2013 1:33 AM (GMT -5)
Tony i like you and all the moderators and i think you all do a great job. but why you guys coddle is a mystery to me. are you really that naive? David allegedly has me on ignore!
i'm not going to post for a month or so unless my medical status changes or i need some help. so you've got my help Tony [img]/community/emoticons/cool.gif[/img] !

and please everyone else don't line up to beg me to stay because i am not checking out (RO*****!) [img]/community/emoticons/turn.gif[/img] . i'm just going to listen for awhile.

later,

ed

Post Edited By Moderator (TC-LasVegas) : 2/21/2013 12:27:19 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/21/2013 2:25 AM (GMT -5)
Good on you, Ed! Enjoy the time off and don't even think about a medical status change. It's great to have you around but taking time off is a good thing. I've done it recently...

Sorry for the edit just now.

To be clear, and honest, I'm not being preferential to any member. I'm certainly not naive on how things go around here after moderating about five years. Getting the occasional opportunity to have to face this stuff has never been my favorite part. The general good here will get preferential treatment.

If you're going to take some time off...enjoy it. And thank you for helping even if in that way.

Peace.

Tony
Posted 2/21/2013 2:29 AM (GMT -5)
I've said it before that HW can get a bit like going into a bar/pub. You see familiar faces and kind of get to learn which ones you want to drink with, and which you want to avoid, but the ambiance in the bar/pub still remains great.
But, every once in a while there are arguments or even fights and the guy behind the bar has to shout or even throw someone out, and you feel like staying away for a few days. And it's very difficult if it's the only good bar in town!

So I'm a ditto with Susan for a bit of clearing up, calming down, cooling off, and I'm sorry the mods have had to be so busy with this. (Thanks guys for your efforts)

Alf

PS. Back in the real world I can't believe I'm already approaching the fourth year anniversary of my diagnosis, but I have a PSA test to deal with first.
Posted 2/21/2013 8:26 AM (GMT -5)

I apologize for the actions of my fellow PCa brothers.  It is emotionally taxing being a Prostate Cancer forum moderator, especially when it gets personal.  It is embarrassing (but understood) to witness adult members acting in such a fashion. Emotions are high dealing with PCa (treatment, success, failure, hormone, etc.).  A proper balance on order and compassion is not an easy task for the moderators, and I am grateful for their donated time.  I honorably request that my fellow members cool off (walk around the block) before typing text quickly in a heated passion.

Thank You    

Posted 2/21/2013 8:56 AM (GMT -5)
I used to belong to a forum for parents of children with Type 1 diabetes. It was a great, active forum. I learned a lot about managing the disease and became a regular contributor assisting newer members. Unlike this forum where I don't have as much to contribute, I was very active.

Diabetes is a lifelong disease that has a lot of cost involved for medical supplies and there was always an underlying tension around health care for members in the US but After Obama's election the debate over universal health care exploded. The moderator struggled with trying to keep it under control and he created a separate board for health care discussions but it was like a wild fire. The forum was about 10 times as active as this one and it devolved into a nasty Rep/Dem sparing match.

Afterwards the forum was never the same. There was a lot of animosity that carried into many of the threads. A group of mothers formed a clique like something out of middle school that bullied many of the other regulars and drove them away.

I eventually got so frustrated that last summer I (quietly) quit, deleting as much of my account info as possible. I'm really hoping that this forum can get over this bickering and get back to what it was. I'm not nearly as active on this forum but I'm a regular reader.
Posted 2/21/2013 9:01 AM (GMT -5)
At the risk of being sacriligeous, may I suggest maybe there is no problem and we are all over-reacting??

Sure, at the moment there is some yelling and screaming. Yes, it is not pretty when a newbie eyes some of these threads. That's bad. BUT the HISTORY of HW (and many other forums) is that we are a self-policing group, with the help of the moderators. We are a family. Sure, there are spats, BUT THEY BLOW OVER.

I'm not trying to make too much light out of this, but if you think about it, David's doctor report has been on HW for how long? I think he had his appointment on Monday. This is Thursday. It is clear to me that things are cooling down and we are just about back to normal THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS. We all value this board and we all take a step back after heated discussions. So, stop the gnashing of teeth. These things happen, and they always seem to resolve...unless you allow politics and religion. Then one can destroy a forum. But that's not happening here!

Mel

Posted 2/21/2013 9:14 AM (GMT -5)
You can add my "ditto", Susan.

We're all adults here and shouldn't need to be supervised like a bunch of school children (not a shot at our mods). And we certainly shouldn't be able to make any member feel that they are no longer welcome or needed here.

Personally, what I would like to see happen is any member that violates any rule should be warned. Second offense, whether in the same thread or in another, whether to the same member or to another, results in a 7 day suspension of posting. A third offense results in a 30 day suspension. After that, no more chances: you get out of hand and you're history.

Perhaps adding something to the rules specifically addressing "bullying" and its consequences might be in order.

To enforce such a policy requires more volunteers to help...we have 3 moderators who, right now, are doing a yeoman's job of keeping the peace. Perhaps we need some "assistant" moderators...those who are here throughout the day and who have thick skins to help keep the peace. While I may not be the best choice, I raise my hand to help if that's what it will take to avoid what we've just witnessed.
Posted 2/21/2013 9:22 AM (GMT -5)
Dude,

The forum software and organization is in Peter's court. The mods work within the system provided.

Send your email to the address in my profile (we don't have access unless you make it public) and we can follow up on that discussion.

Thanks for the offer to help. Careful, I might take you up on it.

;)

 

Posted 2/21/2013 9:55 AM (GMT -5)
compiler & Sephie -

Two excellent and very sensible posts.
Posted 2/21/2013 10:20 AM (GMT -5)
I haven't been here long enough to say yay or nay, but I do want to say that we need to cut each other slack. If everyone here is in the shape we are in, emotions are high. This situation is a very personal one for the men that suffer from this disease and for the partners that support them, including family members. Let us share the grace that comes with sharing the support, and know that at times we might err in how we frame the discussion. Fear is a very powerful feeling that can fuel impulsive comments, and pain (physical and emotional) can literally drive you crazy.

Susan

Posted 2/21/2013 11:25 AM (GMT -5)
Sophie:

What you said sounds good, but the devil is in the details.

Perhaps some gentle reminders first, and then go to an official warning. A warning is quite serious in your scenario.

In all honesty, you mentioned bullying, but I don't see any bullying. I see a poster ordering the moderator to re-open a thread and threatening to leave if that isn't done. So, who is bullying whom.

The moderators are the ones getting bullied.

Many posters are emotionally distraught with their situation. At times, I suspect the HT is doing the talking.

Frankly, we need to cut people a lot of slack. Instituting your warning system Could have a chilling effect on this group, depending on how it is implemented.

I still stand by my previous post. These things resolve on their own in a few days. This is the worst sniping I've seen, and it is 90% resolved already.

No need for hand wringing

Mel
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