"I will go for my 2nd post-op PSA in a few weeks and will go for a nice run after the blood draw and find a nice place to meditate along the Yellowstone River."

after the fog of ADT lifted and my creative passion began to return i started the annual ritual of going to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons after getting my PSA results from my uro. this September was my sixth consecutive year there .

Well, you know, anxiety is built into us. We can thank our ancestors who managed to survive for that. Evolution and the fittest. Complacency isn’t a survival tactic. Need to stress on killing that woolly mammoth to feed the tribe. Avoiding anxiety is like trying to avoid gravity. But you can embrace it, channel it, and use it to your advantage. Sometimes easier said than done.

Post Edited (mattamx) : 10/19/2018 10:34:00 AM (GMT-6)

The OP posed a great question. I think it deserves to be discussed.

I apologize for stepping on any toes and disrupting an otherwise healthy discussion.

logoslidat said...
IT what OP's question is not being discussed?...tho having said that..one cannot force anyone to discuss any thing...I do have one poster on ignore...tho that has nothing to do with this thread...and on some things I don't explain and don't complain...I personally do not mind my toes stepped on...but will it times...defend my views forcefully...on certain interpretations of how they are spun by others...most often...when I sense...the intent of the spin...is reactive and not true to how they really feel...obviously that is subjective...but hey that's life...I am curious as to what you are referring to....perhaps you yourself could respond to it and if others want to...there it is...again implications are fine and I always will respond to the spirit(subjective analysis) of the words...the letter of some/most grieve me...I do the same in person to person engagements as well...and...it can be awkward...what me worry?...I find most conversations between folks as being either manipulative...a game of one upmanship,etc,(thanks Allan Watts)poor me maybe...but...not for me..words are not an accessory imo...they ARE us...as for apologies...Ive said it before and my meaning may not be J Joyce..." apologize...apologize...pull out their eyes...pull out their eyes "

PS I do realize there is a place for both " real "and " chats "...I also think one makes the world go round and one keeps the centrifugal force in place i.e keeps the world together......choose wisely...……... The more I read that last statement...I get a revelation...do ya see it....shsssh...

Well Logo....I don't know where to start. But ya gotta start somewhere....

Let's see can begin we can begin by agreeing on "the truth" (you like that....and I like that about you)……..

You took offense at something I wrote. Your feelings got hurt. You got offended. (I think that's fair to say, and I also believe if you are truthful...you'd agree...unless there's something you know, that I do not...in which case...please correct my assumption. If you do not correct my assumption...I'll assume that we both agree that's the truth) What you are missing is....you did that to yourself. You offended yourself. You hurt yourself. I did not do that to you. You did those things to you. Here's what I wrote in the offending post.....

First statement...."I've had two people blame me for having prostate cancer".

One...my ex-girlfriend. Told me...flat out...."You deserve it. If you were a better man, you would not have gotten it". The other was my first uro. Who said...."You seem to me to be a spiritually bankrupt man. That may be the reason for the cancer".

Well...who's to say either one is wrong? Neither statement did I find helpful. What I found them as were..."opinions". (and most likely....opinions driven from their own agendas.....not for my benefit...but for theirs).

I don't believe that first sentence in my post is what offended you. It may have frustrated you, because you agree with them...because I don't "see the light"....or....."I don't want to see the light"...but I don't think that is what offended you.


Second statement in my post...."(And my surgeon for how my surgery went)".

Well...it was his opinion that the reason my suture came loose at the bladder neck was because "Your recliner must have been to hard". Well...he may be right. But he never told me to not sit in a hard recliner. How do I know what's "too hard" and what's not? I figure a recliner is a recliner. It wasn't particularly uncomfortable. It was also his opinion that the reason for the surgical margin was because...."If you had not waited so long to have surgery...that would not have happened". Well...that may also be true. However....I never did anything that was outside of the AS program that I was enrolled in. That program, with my path....says "one confirmation biopsy within one year". I asked my surgeon...a week before surgery...."Do you need to do another biopsy before surgery?" His answer was "no". "Do you need to do an MRI before surgery?" His answer was "no". "You're fine. I don't see any problems in your case" was his position.

That sentence did not offend you either. (I do not believe. But correct me if it did).


The third sentence....."One here took credit for his cure"

My thinking is...this is where you might have taken offense. Because in your "reactive" post....you stated....."...."...Island Time....since I was the one who "took credit" for my "cure"...am I supposed to wallow in self-pity because of my "supernatural powers" sic...angst over my faith...get real...." …...(then came the insults...I'll leave those out....I didn't take them personal). But I do believe this is the statement that offended you. What you do not understand is....that....when I wrote those words...I wasn't even *thinking* of you at all. You were not the person I was referring to. I never knew you "took credit for your cure"...(your words...NOT mine). I never heard you say that. I don't remember you ever saying that. Now the reaction I got from that statement....I can only assume......you *THOUGHT* I was referring to you. You *ASSUMED* I was talking about you. I was not. No way Hose'. Not in the least. Not even close. BUT...I CAN see now...how you might have assumed I *was* talking about you. But...I wasn't. You took that upon yourself. You projected what you were feeling onto me. (btw...no apology required. THAT happens a lot. It's the nature of being on a forum. And, to my knowledge....few are immune from it ever happening. This is an imperfect mode of communication. (something else we probably do not agree on....as you say...."Words are not assessories imo...they ARE us..." (your words). Do you truthfully believe this? Do you live with your wife? If so...why? If "words ARE us"....then there's no more to us than words? Do you and your wife just communicate via text in your home? Because those "words ARE"..." who you are"? My friend.....IMO....words are the WORST way to communicate. Not the *best* way to communicate. Words....are important. No doubt. I couldn't agree more. But I disagree that "WORDS are us". Words are WAY too restrictive to adequately communicate ALL of who we are. Have you ever heard the phrase....."There were no words". I find that a "truth". And I also find more of other human beings during those times.


In the end....I apologized for taking out my own problems on this thread. I had 3 hours sleep. I could go into why. But it's nothing more than reasons/excuses. We are different people Logo. Everyone here is different. People relate differently. We're not robots. What I *SHOULD* have done is....not responded in this thread while I was in that state of mind. In my current state of mind.....I would have more rationally....and with less emotion...said the truth...in regard to the question that you titled your thread with. And the truth is....I ALWAYS feel *some* stress....*some* anxiety....anytime I am on land. When I am in the air...flying....I feel zero stress. Every problem I have is "down there". They cannot touch me while I am flying above them. Another place I feel no anxiety....no stress...in on water. When I am on water...I have the same experience. "No longer am I where my problems are. They are on land. Not out here upon the sea." So...I guess you could say.....I'm a fish out of water on land. And I'm a bird with a broken wing on the ground. That's just me. It's who I am. Could I try and make being on land less anxiety producing? sure! I'd much rather spend it off of the dirt. It's just so much more natural.


I will say one more thing. It never crossed my mind to block you. I find your posts helpful (for the most part....except for the veiled insults....of which you are a master of...in order to by pass the rules of the forum. You complain more than anyone on this forum about the mods. And yet... they let you get by with more than anyone else on this forum could possibly get by with. Can you explain that? How can that be? How can the one who insults others *intentionally* by fog of night...be the one who complains most? Would you like examples or your veiled insults (or what you would call...."Truth")? There's plenty in this very thread aimed at yours truly. I don't insult you. I try and not insult anyone. But you do it in order to get around the rules.....and then complains the most about the rules. What is that? Doesn't matter. Rhetorical question.)

I don't want this thread closed. I've tried to keep within the rules. And I believe it is important for members to be able to "clear the air"......by being honest....yet respectful.


(and while we're "clearing the air"....please stop with the airline pilots being idiots that ATC has to cover them. That's not *quite* how that works LOL)


OH...one more thing Logo.....if you want to put me on ignore. If that will make you have a better "Healing Well" experience....then I not only support you in that...I recommend it. Because...what I want for you....is for you to find even more peace. That's something I encourage those I care about to do....is to take care of themselves. And that's what I want for you. It won't hurt my feelings. (I promise. I'm sure half the people here have me on ignore already LOL) So....have at it if it helps you.

As for me...You're the LAST person I'd put on ignore. Your posts are valuable to me.

Normal59 said...
Wow. So many words. So much logos.

Oh... And I did not miss your question to me Normal. My surgery was botched. There's just no other way to explain it. If you read what I wrote...I did not say I blamed my surgeon. (which you asked me why I would do that). What I said was...."My surgeon blamed me". (or that's what I *meant* to say anyway.....it wasn't as clear as it could have been. Anyway.....the reasons are in my above post.

Be cool man...

Regarding the comment “I've had two people blame me for having prostate cancer" that reminded me about, on topic, more anxiety reduction techniques I have done.

Just like we can do on social media where we block or unfollow others, I did that in my personal/real life as well. While sitting in a hotel for a week in Cleveland during my post-op, and not ever turning on the TV, I had lots of time to think while I filled up pages in my sketchbook. I made a mental list of those I would purge from my life who were “zappers,” that is, those who induce anxiety or suck energy out of my life. Number one on the list was a guy who I saw at least weekly who pontificated on all topics, you know the type, who had told my wife, a breast cancer survivor, that we give ourselves cancer. I initially treated that as ignorance but after going through my procedure and remembering other things this dolt said, like how he knew more about the Vietnam Era than I possibly could (he dodged the draft with student deferments, I was drafted) I put him and any social activity where I would have to interact with him on the drop list. I continued enlarging my list and have since scratched off quite a few and the anxiety they induced along with them.

Come on, Logos.
What’s all this “mods, lock my thread, mods don’t lock my thread, mods, lock my thread” stuff? 🙂