Lisa -

First, welcome to the forum, and I know I can speak for the others here in saying that if there is anything we can share with you that might help you, either in terms of support or getting information, I assure you we will be delighted to do so. It's a forum tradition and pleasure here to assist those who come to us with questions about a prostate cancer that their loved ones have.

We often do get questions from loving daughters concerning their dear dads, daughters who are to be admired for their devotion and caring, which certainly seems to describe you. I do hope we can help.

If I may I would like to start by making a few observations on some of the things you mention in your post, to be followed I'm sure with comments from others here, some of whom will possibly be in situations similar to your father's, and who can comment knowlegably.

First, I'm getting two particular impressions from your post. The first is that fatigue from dealing with your dad's situation seems to be settling in on you, likely along with some developing psychological depression. Both are likely involving your mom as well, from what you describe. Your dad also is very possibly suffering from depression, especially if he is feeling "... like he is going to die."

Is his doctor aware of this likely depression, likely affecting all of you as well? Please inform her if not, as there are many things, including medications, that can help with this.

Something else I note is that you seem to be having conflicting emotions on how you are feeling, or think you should be feeling. Please understand that this is going to be common in your situation, and it may help to seek counseling for help. Counseling may indeed help.

You mention a few clinical details about you dad's situation, and while the 2 1/2 month PSA doubling time is concerning, you are very right to point out that some men here on this very forum, as you have observed, have had clinical numbers similar to your dad's, and those men are still very much here!

There is a great deal of experience here on this forum involving situations like your dad's, and I'm sure others will now join in and add their own good advice.

Thank you for posting here and sharing your and your dad's situation with us. We do want to help.

And do remember that prostate cancer is one of those illnesses for which much can be done very often, and survival much extended, even when the situation seems very serious.

At some point we come to a point of acceptance on cancer. As we understand what is happening and the path becomes clearer, there are things that we can put aside and focus on other things.

There's no one way you "Should" feel. You feel how you feel. If you don't like where you are, make a change.

We have guys here who've gone years and years on advanced treatments, but others who don't make it. It's the sad reality of this PC thing.

I'd only offer one suggestion: Just enjoy and treasure every moment you have with your father. Do what you can to help - even if it's just being there or making a phone call.

Peace,
Andrew

Hello everyone and thank you for your replies. My dad has been acting really strange and I hope it isn't the cancer taking over. He told me the other day he hurt all over and he can hardly get out of bed. He told me his bones hurt and so I asked him where and he said his pelvis. Then he told me it was not his bones but his muscles. He told me he had diarrhea today and when I went to his house, he had the dead bolt locked which he never does. He also wouldn't answer his phone, which he also never does. He does have depression and I do too. I have had it all my life and he probably has had it all his life. So that makes it even harder as you can imagine. We are both on quite a bit of medication to deal with our depression. I have been in counseling until just recently when my therapist left for another job. My dad seems like he has no fighting spirit about him. He is whining and wants everyone to do everything for him. He has been laying down for most of the time out of pure boredom, now he gets up and his says his legs give out. There have been times when my dad has played up the situation by trying to get us to feel sorry for him. How should I know if he is sick or not with him crying wolf all the time? He is driving my mom nuts and so she leaves to go to my sister's house but it only makes him worse. I guess I am just sick of this emotional roller-coaster ride of worrying about how he is doing and worrying every time the phone rings and it's the doctor, or every time he has an appointment. I try to enjoy the day. It was hard for me to learn how to do that but somehow I've learned. I guess maybe I'm in that acceptance phase. I have had to realize that there is nothing I can do about his cancer, that it's out of my hands. Or maybe I am just giving up the fight since it bad news every time anyway? I don't even understand my own feelings, and I am generally a person who can understand my own feelings and feelings and actions of others. I think one thing I was afraid of is not knowing what to do if my dad wasn't here anymore. Of course, I don't know what life is without my dad since he's always been around. I was afraid I couldn't go on but I have a special needs son I need to be here for so that's what I will concentrate on. I asked my mom how a person goes on when they lose a parent, and she told me that "you just do."

Can the cancer be spreading this fast? A couple of months ago, she told me that the lymph nodes were quite small, the size of a fingertip. I asked her how fast the cancer grows and she told me it grows very slowly. He had no bone mets at the time. Can his bones be causing pain in this short amount of time? I hope that maybe he's got the flu and that's it.

My dad hasn't had any genetic testing. I have never heard of that. I can have my mom ask the doctor next time she goes to the appointment. I have started not to attend the appointments. I don't know if it is harder going to the appointments or harder getting the call from my mom telling me how the appointment went.

My dad hasn't ever been on IV chemo. I get confused as to what is considered chemo. Sometimes I've heard the pills he took referred to as chemo and sometimes not. I am hoping chemo will work but am only expecting it to work a couple of months, if at all. But what do I know? Maybe I am wrong. I hope. I asked her how many chemo drugs there are and she told me she didn't know. I don't know if she was being honest with me or just trying to avoid telling me he's near the end of the rope.

I am trying to be optimistic, and I feel a lot different than I did when I first came here, possibly because of my medication. I don't just think about PCa all day as I had.

Thank you again for your replies guys. It always makes me feel better to talk to people who are in the same boat as me.

There are days I swear every bone in my body hurts. I start to think it is the cancer. Then I remember weather is going from a high to a low pressure pattern. That flares up my arthritis and make me hurt all over. not saying this the cause of his pain, but it could be. I am 78 and grouchy when I hurt all over. Stay the course. It is hard dealing with old folks. Praying for your strength.

Thanks again guys. Your posts always make me feel better. I am wondering if the thought of this whole thing is making him physically sick. I don't know that I should go on and on about his attitude. I don't want to bring everyone else down in the forum.