A pastor, a priest, and a rabbi are standing by the side of a road right in front of a sharp curve, holding up a sign. The sign reads THE END IS NEAR! THE END IS NEAR! TURN BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

Along comes a redneck driving a jacked-up pickup truck, roaring down the road. The cab is stuffed with cases of beer, he's throwing an empty beer bottle out the window, and in the back are several rowdy teenagers, laughing and hollering.

The car screeches to a halt in front of the three men of the cloth. The driver hangs out the window and drunkenly yells “Hey, you religious nuts! Go back to where yuh came from! Git outta here!” The teenagers in the back stop talking, glance at the sign for a moment, and erupt in laughter!

The driver revs the engine to max, screeching his tires in the religious men's faces, and tears off around the curve.

As the pastor, priest and rabbi are coughing and trying to clear the smoke from their lungs, suddenly there’s an awful, earsplitting SCREECH, SCREAMS, a momentary silence, and then a huge KERSPLASH!

The pastor shakes his head sadly, and says “Oh, dear me.”

"Saints preserve us!" says the priest, sighing and crossing himself.

And the rabbi, dusting tire fragments off of his Hasidim hat, says “Oy Vey! Maybe we should change the sign to say BRIDGE OUT instead?”

Three men were on death row facing execution in a second world country. They were to be shot at first light. One prisoner said, I saw them try to execute a prisoner yesterday. After they blindfolded him and were ready to shoot, he shouted out EARTHQUAKE! The shooters threw down their guns and ran away. The prisoner escaped. Seems like over here they are afraid of natural disasters. He said, we all should try it. He was the first to go and when the time came, he yelled out, TORNADO! They threw down their guns and he escaped. The second prisoner, after being blindfolded yelled, FLOOD! right before being shot and escaped. The third prisoner was led out and blindfolded. He was not very smart. The head of the detail of shooters commanded, READY! AIM!, the prisoner then yelled out, FIRE!

And another.
On top of a fifty story building, three construction workers were talking. One was not very smart. One of them said to the not smart one, you know if you jump off this building you will not be hurt. The not smart one said, do you think I am dumb, of course you will be hurt and even killed. No, you will not be hurt or killed. On these high buildings, there is a tremendous updraft. If you jump, the updraft will bring you right back to the top. You must think me dumb, there is no way that will happen. The one then said, I will show you and he jumped. The other two watched as he descended down. At around the 20th floor he started to slow down. At the 10th floor he stopped going down and started back up and landed on the roof. The dumb one said, that is the greatest thing I have ever seen. The one that jumped said, you try it. So, the dumb one went to the side and jumped. He decended rapidly down. He went past the 20th floor without slowing. He didn’t stop at the 10th floor and smashed into the street below. The other construction worker who hadn’t said a word turned and looked at the first one. He said, you know SUPERMAN, you can can be a real pain in the a## sometimes.

Real old jokes, but then again, so am I.

Post Edited (Jack64) : 5/6/2022 10:57:32 AM (GMT-6)

That darned English language....

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a
praise. Two months ago, my husband Tom, had a terrible bicycle
crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was
excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation
as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and
every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors
performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able
to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and
wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed
uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord,
Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time,
his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and
tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith."
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

“A pastor, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, ‘I think I might be a type o’”