Posted 7/26/2024 7:42 AM (GMT -5)
Angry, a man sits down at a bar and orders a drink. He mutters “All lawyers are jerks." Sitting not too far away, a fellow in a suit responds “Hey, watch your mouth. That's very insulting to me.” “Why? Are you a lawyer?” the man asks. The fellow responds: “No, I’m a jerk.”
A customer walks into a coffee shop and asks the barista for the wifi password. “You need to buy coffee first,” the barista says. “Okay, I’ll have an espresso,” the customer says. After receiving his order and paying, the customer asks, “Can I have the password now?” The barista replies, “Of course! It’s ‘youneedtobuycoffeefirst’. All lowercase, no spaces.”
And for a little political incorrectness:
A Polish factory worker goes to an optician for an eye exam. The optician points to a board with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z on it and says “Can you read this?” “Read it?!” the worker replies, “I work with this guy!”
Two guys were bragging about their new cars. One has a Ford Explorer while the other a luxurious Maserati. “This car’s amazing,” the Maserati owner says. “It’s got a built-in cooler and TV!” Not to be outdone, the Explorer owner says, “Those are neat features, but guess what? I’ve added a cooler and TV to my Explorer too. And it’s four times cheaper than your Maserati!” Unwilling to concede defeat, the Maserati owner replies: “Well, in my Maserati, you can even fold down the backseat and have a comfy bed.” The Explorer owner retorts, “I can do that too! Plus, I keep an inflatable mattress in my trunk, just in case.” Not to be outdone, the Maserati owner smiles and leaves. Then rushes to the dealership and ask them to outfit his car with all the fanciest upgrades. After this is done, a day later he drives to his friend’s house and pulls in to the driveway where the Ford Explorer is, but notices that its windows are all fogged up. He gets out, goes over to the Explorer, knocks on the car window and says, “Hey, come check out my Maserati's new accessories!” The Ford Explorer owner slowly opens the window, sticks his head out, gives his friend a weird look, and days “Really? You're asking me to get out of my hot tub to go look at your car?”