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Posted 8/23/2009 11:44 PM (GMT -5)
smhair  just wanted to get some of your thoughts on this issue.

Friday night I ended up reluctantly joining a friend for drinks, although I had some indigestion and almost called it off.  When I have a few drinks, I find that I tend to keep drinking even more and more...I'll have a few beers and maybe a shot, and then the buzz starts and I want to keep drinking.  So I drank so much that I pretty much walked home, threw up a bunch of times and passed out.  I seem to have blacked out a bit and did a bit of drunk dialing as well (where's the phone app to prevent that one?)

I can go for months without drinking, but when I do finally drink, I don't want to stop.  I've always been like that to some degree, and of course with this mystery of UC I don't really know how long it has been on my back, maybe my entire life to some degree? or maybe not, but I wonder if it drives this behavior of mine.

What I've been wondering about my drinking since knowing I have UC is, when I drink, for a certain length of time I feel better.  I mean, I don't notice the weariness, the mild discomfort, headaches, etc.  I also enjoy being out of my bedroom and off the couch, and for that matter talking to people, having fun, things that I often shirk due to just not feeling 100%. 

So I'm wondering if any of you have engaged in this kind of binge drinking or had this experience.  I am wondering if it is common in chronic illness.  Maybe it's not binge drinking, but some other thing (shopping too much, addictions etc).  Some maladaptive way of dealing with the stress that life brings anyway, and UC exponentially multiplies, plus the added factor of chronic illness that strikes at such a young age hampering one's development and leading to unmet needs (think along the lines of the *bottom* of Maslow's hierarchy for those familiar with him).

The issue for me is that I try to live at a bare minimum, going to work and keeping my affairs in order, and don't have any healthy ways of coping with stress, so I let it build up.  I am going to be trying to pick up some healthier ways of dealing with stress like physical exercise instead.

 

Posted 8/24/2009 12:04 AM (GMT -5)
it's a way to deal with stress....no matter what stress it is, either with chronic illness or chronic distress.

Basically, it's addictive behaviour to get a quick result in order for us to feel better. The rewards are feeling free of the distress.

People in general tend to punish themselves in a way that can cause destruction to themselves...ultimately, the distress causes change in behaviour and the new behaviour deals with the emotional distress/physical distress...etc. Can become a cycle.

One doesn't need to get too complicated about the fact that good stress (eustress)can bring us to a fully functioning level...to keep us sharp, etc. When it works for us, it's rewarding.

Drinking relieves the distress and lowers it to a good feeling level where one can interact freely, enjoying being in the moment, so to say. That could be said for a passive drunk or a mean one.

Binging isn't good for your liver, you know that.....

In general, one needs to learn how to function with issues so that we don't need to overcompensate with an artificial high.  With those whose needs never seem to be met, the all or nothing concept is the rule they tend to live by.  There's also a lot of reasoning, bargaining, etc.  The whole process is the addiction, actually.

I can relate to it with food.....I don't drink except for a sip here and there....but I used to when I was younger. I'm from an alcoholic family and there were always very interesting parties at our place.

Chronic illness is a major stressor ..... the bottom line is to find ways in order to function with it. That's the hard work...to eventually change the behaviour and find rewards that are less destructive to the self.

It won't probably be the only huge stessor in your life, however...same road different scenery.

Regarding Maslow....one never remains at being self-actualised.

Curious if you've ever watched the A&E program Obsessed?   that's the extreme of the same thing.

quincy

Posted 8/24/2009 2:07 AM (GMT -5)
Oh yeah, I can relate. I don't think it has anyhting to do with the chronic illness for me but more the fact that I forget that I am not young anymore. I don't want to give up the days of partying into the wee hours of the night. Just last night for example, I went out for one bloody mary which quickly grew into two, then into martinis at another pub, then to margaritas, beers and wine. Way too much for one night. Woke up today with a killer hangover wishing I hadn't drank. Of course, don't remember going to sleep but my boyfriend says we watched goonies before bed. Today I swore that I would never drink again. Last weekend I said the same thing but obviously it didn't happen. I definitely need to cut down on the partying. I am getting old and I am sickly. My stomach has been off all day. I seriously passed wind every 5 minutes since noon. It's been quite foul. I crapped out all the alchocol I drank and then some in hard rock-like movements that tore my backside. At least it wasn't soft, I am thankful for those little rocks....
Posted 8/24/2009 7:27 AM (GMT -5)
     I really cannot relate to this as I was never much of a drinker and I thank God for that now because most of my meds say to NOT drink while taking the med.  Don't know whether it is from the prednisone, Colazal or 6MP but my bilirubin was 2.1 and that is twice the amount it is supposed to be.  Hate to see what it would be if I drank.  You don't want to develop cirrhosis of the liver and you are on your way.
Posted 8/24/2009 10:32 AM (GMT -5)
It's definitely not a healthy way to deal with the stress and I find it a bit concerning that once you get started, you can't stop. You *should* be able to just have one drink and quit. I got smashed a fair amount when I was in college and grad school, but it seemed that it happened with more frequency before I turned 21! After I turned 21, I probably drank more often (in terms of the number of times per month I drank), but got drunk waaaay less often. It's a maturity thing, I guess. And since I've had a baby the entire time I've had UC, I've not had more than one drink in an evening.

Definitely look into better ways of coping with the stress!
Posted 8/24/2009 12:33 PM (GMT -5)
YES. It may be an addictive personality type or unhealthy ways of coping with stress. when i was a child, i would lock myself in my bedroom and binge on candies all day long (wouldn't even eat dinner). this was my way of coping with my parents fighting nonstop. these bad habits carried into my adulthood where i replace feelings of emptiness, loneliness, low self-esteem, or depression with repetitive behaviors, addictions, distractions, etc. to numb the pain. we need to unlearn some of these behaviors and substitute them with healthy activities - hiking, exercise, cooking, dancing -- any type of hobby. really what we are doing is trying to get our minds off the sh!t that goes on. but you do not want any more health problems, hospital visits, etc. find something you love to do or someone you love to be around, and the pain will lessen. once you get to the other side (i'm working on it myself), the binging will no longer seem that appealing.

my best wishes to you.

jen_j
ileostomy from UC
Posted 8/26/2009 3:48 AM (GMT -5)
I do that sometimes - not in a severe flare just because I can't, but I drink to excess, and my family gets mad. Yes, it leads to not feeling so good the next day, but I know it's not the UC. Sometimes I just feel like I hate this disease and I should be able to do what I want and not what others think I should do.
Posted 8/26/2009 2:00 PM (GMT -5)
comment to AJ's posting...which is in fact self-destructive behaviour.
q
Posted 8/26/2009 3:06 PM (GMT -5)
I have a long history of binge drinking and acting stupid after (goes hand in hand I think). When I was younger my friends encouraged it and now that Im older, its frowned upon. Anyway I figured out that hard alcohol is my trigger to black out + do stupid stuff so I avoid it now and can actually have enjoyable nights out with friends drinking. As far as the UC, it seems like after I have a beer or two I dont have any anxiety, discomfort or feeling the need to be near a restroom and thats a definite plus and a great stress reliever. I also do cardio and weight lifting daily but tbh drinking is a better stress reliever for me haha.
Posted 8/26/2009 8:18 PM (GMT -5)
It's not a matter of having a chronic illness and addictive personality...your an alcoholic. A functional alcoholic, but a alchey nonetheless as normal drinking habits does not include the necessity to get wasted after one or two beers.

Your kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

It takes one to know one.
Posted 8/26/2009 9:53 PM (GMT -5)
My problem is that once I start I think, "Well, this is already bad for me, so why not keep going?" So I don't do it anymore. Plus it not only hurts the colitis, my knees always kill me the next morning. And like fruitgirl said with what happened to her, once I'm 21 I'll prolly be better about it. I do do other things but I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it or not. Most of it is perfectly legal, but you have to be 18. Also sex (but only with one person ever). Maybe I have problems lol.
Posted 8/26/2009 11:56 PM (GMT -5)

Somebody said...
It's not a matter of having a chronic illness and addictive personality...your an alcoholic. A functional alcoholic, but a alchey nonetheless as normal drinking habits does not include the necessity to get wasted after one or two beers.

Your kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

I can't believe more people don't understand the phenomenon I'm asking for people's experiences about.  I'm not an alcoholic, I think someone can be a binge drinker on occasion and not be an alcoholic.  To try to label someone as one regardless is in fact an example of all-or-nothing thinking.

What I was getting at is the experience of actually feeling better or more like how one felt before the UC interfered all the time in one way or another.  And how that feeling can cause one to continue drinking to excess and then suffer the consequences of having done so. 

Posted 8/27/2009 12:01 AM (GMT -5)
I'm definitely not an alcoholic. alcoholics need alcohol to feel normal. I only drink once a week or less heavily. Other than that, I may have a glass of wine here and there. I don't think binge drinking here and there makes you an "alchey". I just want to have fun and forget about all the seriousness that I deal with on a regular basis. I know it causes me to feel terrible afterwards but it's worth it to get out of my home and laugh a little. I think exercise can be a healthy alternative to drinking.
Posted 8/27/2009 2:33 AM (GMT -5)

Doors 12,

One of the classic symptoms of alcoholism is described as "The Phenomena of Craving".  Once an alcoholic takes any amount of alcohol into his/her system they physically crave more and typically drink to oblivion.  This is also described as an allergy to alcohol.  Many alcoholics are not daily drinkers.  What you described is not normal drinking.  I would never judge anyone as alcoholic.  It is a conclusion and an acceptance that can only be made by the person in question. 

Posted 8/27/2009 8:18 AM (GMT -5)

doors12 said...

Somebody said...

It's not a matter of having a chronic illness and addictive personality...your an alcoholic. A functional alcoholic, but a alchey nonetheless as normal drinking habits does not include the necessity to get wasted after one or two beers.

Your kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

I can't believe more people don't understand the phenomenon I'm asking for people's experiences about. I'm not an alcoholic, I think someone can be a binge drinker on occasion and not be an alcoholic. To try to label someone as one regardless is in fact an example of all-or-nothing thinking.


What I was getting at is the experience of actually feeling better or more like how one felt before the UC interfered all the time in one way or another. And how that feeling can cause one to continue drinking to excess and then suffer the consequences of having done so.

Your not describing a binge, rather, a need to binge after the first drink.

Tell your doctor what you've told us and see what they say. He's likely not to agree with you.

Look at it this way, Winston Churchill, Ted Kennedy and countless other well respected people are alcoholics. Just because your not drinking every day doesn't mean your don't have a problem with booze. Moi included....

Anyway, Colitis has curbed my boozing as of late as a nightly bender will cause increased diarrhea and BM for 2-3 days afterwards. The hangovers can also be a *****.
Posted 8/27/2009 9:28 AM (GMT -5)

Adam - for once I agree with you 100%.  One has to understand why one drinks alcohol and the impact it has on your life.  For years my husband could drink socially, once in a while got drunk, partied some and the when the alcohol conflicted with medications - he had to quit and did so right away.  Everyone is different!

ElaineNY

Posted 8/27/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -5)
doors12, what you describe *is* alcohol abuse. The Mayo Clinic lists symptoms of alcoholism and/or alcohol abuse, and included on that list are "being unable to limit the amount of alcohol you drink," "not remembering conversations or commitments, sometimes referred to as 'blacking out'."

Yes, I got drunk. But, I always made the choice to do so...when I was going to a party or whatever, I decided beforehand if I was going to limit my consumption or not. It's NOT right that you don't want to stop once you've started. Like I said, that's not healthy.
Posted 8/27/2009 2:07 PM (GMT -5)
Adam...very profound, but not how you've described the need to drink in the past.

hope it works for you.....

we all justify our behaviour in many ways. 


q

Posted 8/27/2009 6:44 PM (GMT -5)
quincy - you said, "we all justify our behaviour in many ways". 

Maybe I used to many years ago.   I drank plenty of acohol when young and partying.  My husband had a "need" for it but neither one of us ever tried to "jusitfy it"  Maybe that is not quite the right word. 

I am a food addict and never have denied it.  I am morbidly obese and know that losing weight would help all my ailments - including UC - but I just admit I don't have what it takes to lose the weight so I live with it and make the adjustments necessary as Adam says - do the best I can!

By the way, my sister drinks a glass of wine in the evening to help her sleep - somehow seems better than pills!

ElaineNY 

Posted 8/27/2009 7:44 PM (GMT -5)
Doors - I used to party a lot in college and then quit alcohol totally for 2 years when I was diagnosed w/ crohns. Now, I rarely drink and tend to get drunk fast. That said, I do go out on occassion knowing I will be getting drunk. It is a guilty pleasure. Sometimes we cheat w/ a bag of chocolate chips. Sometimes we decide to do shots. And, when I do say forget the crohns and drink w/ my friends, I do feel like a normal person again. But then, I usually pay the next few days. I also found that since my diagnosis I get to the point of vomiting very easily. Not b/c I have a problem w/ booze but b/c what would be a "normal" amount for a healthy individual ends up making me sick. Everyone has their breaking point. If you don't feel like it is harming your life and that you can control it -- yes you over drink when you do drink but you go out aware that you are going to do it - then I think you are doing ok.
Posted 8/27/2009 10:10 PM (GMT -5)
Good topic. I think you are on the right track with trying another more positive way to feel good like physical activity. It helps the moods too. I recently started back again and it makes me feel like I did when I was much younger. Now, if it can just help me loose some weight, I'll be even happier. It's not easy when this stuff takes your energy but I am hoping the exercise will build me up some to give me more energy. Good luck to you.
Posted 8/27/2009 10:51 PM (GMT -5)
Thank you and God bless to the posters who replied with compassion and understanding and without judgment. I already have one diagnosis (Ulcerative Colitis) and I didn't post the topic to get another (Alcoholism). I'm well aware of behavior that is unhealthy or out of control and then I take steps to change like any other intelligent, sensitive human being. You might say I'm a "functional" individual with a disease called UC. I reach forward for more personal development outside of going to work and coming home, and being a member of the disappearing middle class. Sometimes I make wrong decisions, take the wrong paths, and try to sort out what went wrong so I can do it better the next time.
Posted 8/28/2009 1:41 AM (GMT -5)

kops2da said...
quincy - you said, "we all justify our behaviour in many ways". 

Maybe I used to many years ago.   I drank plenty of acohol when young and partying.  My husband had a "need" for it but neither one of us ever tried to "jusitfy it"  Maybe that is not quite the right word. 

I am a food addict and never have denied it.  I am morbidly obese and know that losing weight would help all my ailments - including UC - but I just admit I don't have what it takes to lose the weight so I live with it and make the adjustments necessary as Adam says - do the best I can!

By the way, my sister drinks a glass of wine in the evening to help her sleep - somehow seems better than pills!

ElaineNY 


it's always a struggle on a sliding scale of what's acceptable to us/others and what's not.

I do believe moderation is a good thing, and a glass is better than a bottle just as is a cookie better than a whole bag (golden oreos have my name)...

We all know what's good for us and what isn't....but who the hell is perfect?  oh, that's an addiction as well..lol.

quincy

Posted 8/28/2009 6:49 AM (GMT -5)
doors - i find it amusing that people would actually call you an alcoholic.  i don't think you're unlike the majority of all other twenty-somethings.  i can relate to what you're saying.  i don't drink often anymore, but when i do, i do have a tendency to overdo it.  not all the time, but sometimes.  i used to be worse in college.  i don't really have an addictive personality, so i don't think it's that.  i think sometimes it's just an escape.  nobody's perfect.  i do agree that it can be a fun distraction from the reality of having UC...but I don't think that there is a direct link b/w binge drinking and chronic illness...just b/c i did it years before i was diagnosed.  it could be indirectly related - like having a chronic illness might make you depressed which might lead you to binge drink.  just a thought. 

i find exercise to be the best stress reliever and the best antidepressant.  try to focus on that.  but remember that you're only human...and if you have your moments, try not to let other peoples' overdramatic thought processes get in your head.

Posted 8/28/2009 8:32 AM (GMT -5)
Hey guys; I've been gone for three days, and this is what I come back to? Remember to please not belittle the other folks on the forum...play nice, okay?

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