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Man hanged himself after UC surgery

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Posted 4/18/2012 1:37 AM (GMT -5)
I think we've all gone to that low point where the pain becomes unbearable and we'd like to be put out of our misery. This is a dreadful disease that no one should have to live through particularly if med after med fails. It's not fair, I know.
Posted 4/18/2012 6:22 AM (GMT -5)
This just reinforces my belief that calling surgery a "cure" is a cruel joke.
One of the things that my GI doc told me about UC surgery is that it has a high suicide rate, something that is known in the medical community, but not generally known by patients.
This story and others like it are sad beyond words.
Posted 4/18/2012 7:17 AM (GMT -5)
I've never felt the need to off myself, either due to having UC or any other issues I've faced. I know I haven't struggled with UC like many/most people on here have, but to say we've "all" wanted to off ourselves is quite untrue. I didn't wallow in self-pity after I was diagnosed, and instead, chose to look at the positives - I had a beautiful new son, a supportive spouse and extended family, and I finally knew what was wrong with me (and that it was most likely treatable).

I guess what I'm saying is that it's all about the perspective from which you choose to look at things. I realize there are underlying mental issues that keep some people from being able to focus on the positives, but there are also some conscious choices one can make.
Posted 4/18/2012 7:19 AM (GMT -5)
Wow, that's pretty bad. He didn't have to do that. I think he could have lived on just fine. I also feel for the wife :(
Posted 4/18/2012 8:00 AM (GMT -5)
This post is terrible....not exactly sure what therapeutic value it brings. I guess you could argue it gets us talking about the topic if indeed someone is to this point.

I like to look at the glass being half full with everything. I remember watching a clip in church of a guy who was born with no arms or legs. Until he excepted this, he was depressed and suicidal. Once he excepted and embraced his situation, he flourished....now, he is booked year round as a motivational speaker and learned how to swim (figure that one out). Anyway, you could probably Youtube him if you'd like. Be strong!
Posted 4/18/2012 8:26 AM (GMT -5)
I keep reading about how people are so depressed after getting a 'bag', and i hope that someone from the ostomy forum can elighten up on this one: is it because of a body image issue?
or is it because we are naturally wired to 'grieve' if we lose a part of our body? i mean is there a similar rate of depression amongst those who lose an arm or a leg? i would think they should be more depressed since they will have to learn to live without something more mechanically used than a colon...like learn to drive again, cook again, write again, walk again etc. Where as with a bag all you have to do is remember to change it (assuming no other complications). An besides people who get the bag were usually suffering alot before it so i thought they would feel, well, dare i say it, HAPPY!!??

Again the same questions: is it a body image issue and the embarassment of being seen with a 'bag' that makes it so depressing?
Or is it that we lose the vital gut flora in our colon and the serotonin which both play a big part in the regulation of our mood?



@Trojen: the guy you are referring to is inspirational: don't rememebr the name but his website is www.attitudeisaltitude.com

P.s. i totally agree that i have had those dark thoughts, not of killing myself, but asking GOd to relieve me of the pain even if it meant taking me.
Posted 4/18/2012 10:12 AM (GMT -5)
There is a non-political documentary out there called "Fighting for Life" about the closing of the military medicine school at Bethesda by DoD and how much of a loss it is to military medicine, that military doctors are now to be trained almost entirely in the civilian medical system... Anyway, the documentary has very graphic coverage of the savage wounds suffered by veterans who survived horrible IED attacks in Iraq and Afghanistan, losing eyes, organs, limbs in combination and having hundreds of fragments embedded throughout their body... These are usually soldiers who were young, in perfect health, super fit etc just before they were struck- understandably not all can cope well but seeing some of these individuals bounce back through years of incredibly difficult recovery both brings tears to ones eyes at the sacrifice they made, and puts everything we go through in perspective. I am not personally religious but I celebrate and honor the strength of the human spirit, And the ability to maintain love and hope amidst the worst circumstances.

Post Edited (Probiotic) : 4/18/2012 9:19:45 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/18/2012 11:07 AM (GMT -5)
Probiotic,

You've said it so well, and I couldn't agree with your more.

 

Posted 4/18/2012 11:21 AM (GMT -5)
I forgot to mention the guy I referred to without arms and legs that taught himself to swim....also drives a car. Now thats perserverance. Thanks Conquer UC for the info.
Posted 4/18/2012 12:27 PM (GMT -5)
I think this is a sad and tragic story and feel for his family and what he went through....that said, I don't think anyone has the right to judge (I am not religious either) and I've been on my own rollercoaster of depression thanks to IBD and never being in full remission the entire 21 yrs I've now had IBD I certainly have more understanding as to why people commit suicide and based on religion it's "wrong" but that's only based on religious beliefs and society looking down on it as well.

Walk a mile in someone's shoes and maybe there would be more understanding, everyone does deal with things differently and has a different perspective when it comes to their own life....just because others have been through very tough hardships and would never think to commit suicide doesn't mean that those that follow through with suicide are any less of a person.

My daughters boyfriend just commited suicide March 30, they had been dating for a few months, she knew him for a few yrs, we never got a chance to meet him...we had plans to get together that weekend for dinner, the following monday she found out she was pregnant with his baby, she's now moved back home and planning to have his baby, I feel horrible about the whole situation , baby never knowing it's father, daughter having a baby "on her own" so to speak, the fact that he killed himself and never even knew my daughter was pregnant...the whole thing is tragic but it is what it is, that's life, people die everyday and commit suicide everyday as well...this is a rough world we live in, some cope with it better than others, but no one has any right to judge. IMO.
Posted 4/18/2012 1:24 PM (GMT -5)

pb4 said...
this is a rough world we live in, some cope with it better than others, but no one has any right to judge. IMO.

This. I am a religious person and agree with others that this was somewhat a selfish act considering he has what seems to be a loving and caring wife. But, overriding that possible selfishness, at the end of the day his life was his own for him to do with what he pleased even if that meant ending it.

I'm sorry about your daughter's situation and that he will never get to see his child. I can't imagine what she's gone through the past three weeks.

@trojen I posted this and for me it does have therapeutic value. Any story like this raises my empathy for those around me. This did especially because I suffer from a similar disease that this man had. Stories like this are good for me and maybe others to help keep me from the dangerous habit of being in a shell of "me me me" that we are all prone to be in at times.

I've been on a tough road with my IBD: 2009 sigmoiditis 2010 Crohn's colitis and 2011 ileocoilitis. I keep thinking it can't get worse and it keeps getting worse. You just don't know what you'll have to face in the future or how well you'll deal with it when the time comes.... 

Posted 4/18/2012 2:03 PM (GMT -5)
Conquer UC most people with bags aren't depressed. Or if they are its not because of the bag. There is a period of grieving, I guess, where you get used to the idea. When I had uc I was far more depressed and unhappy. Having a bag gave me my life back, I'm not wasting away on the toilet. Occasionally I think, gosh I have a bag of poop! Wth? But then I remember all the stuff I get to because of my bag, and I'm over it! And I've had complicastions, just had adhesion surgery a few weeks ago, and I'm still happy with surgery. Its a learning curve and something you have to get used to, but in the end it gives you your health back. So as to why someone would be depressed, I don't know. It doesn't make sense to me.
Posted 4/18/2012 3:18 PM (GMT -5)

First off, I'm sorry pb4 for your daughter's loss, and I'm thinking about her and your family.

As for my story -- my husband committed suicide about six years ago. He first came down with UC, and then I did about a year later. We were both very sick, and he had started the Remicade before I did without a lot of success, so he had to continue to wear adult protective wear. He was a maintenance mechanic, and hardly ever able to work because of being so weak, and when he did, he was constantly looking for a bathroom. The job he had was very physical and could leave him in some pretty remote areas, or high on top of buildings. His coworkers were not easy on him, because they felt he was always absent, but he wouldn't tell him about his illness because he was embarrassed. Surgery was suggested, but he didn't want it. He took to drinking and taking meds to calm his mind, which got him into other trouble. He couldn't get control of his UC or his life.

And he had a supportive wife...who also understood because she had UC as well. But he had so many obstacles in his mind that he couldn't overcome. He thought I'd be better off without him. Do I think it was selfish? No, he was ill; mentally and physically. I only hope that he finally found the peace he was looking for; same as every other person that takes their life.

Posted 4/18/2012 3:27 PM (GMT -5)
I do want to clarify that I wasn't judging people who commit suicide. I was just responding to the statements of "We've all had those thoughts," because I haven't.

And pb4, I'm very sorry to hear what your daughter and family have been going through lately.
Posted 4/18/2012 3:34 PM (GMT -5)
I hear you Fruitgirl, which I suppose was kind of the point I was trying to make -- I never have had those thoughts either even though we had the same illness. I was sick, trying to work, take care of the house, and worry about his emotional well being...so who knows why some can deal and move through life, and it's tougher for others.

Posted 4/18/2012 4:14 PM (GMT -5)
pb4...how sad for your daughter to have gone through such a loss and to now find out she's pregnant. How painful for you to have this happen in your family. I hope she will have continued support through family (both sides) and friends to help her heal...with continued support after the baby arrives.


For those who have never been in the abyss of a dark mental state, you will never know the extremes of the mind that is in a consistent bungy jump of always knowing the incriments of a good state and a bad state are only a moment away.
And while it's easy to say that A is worse than B....there's usually a lifetime of collective woes in the basket. The amount of work it takes to shut off a brain is pretty much impossible.

A neighbour just hung herself a month and a half ago, and while I did not know her....it's consumed me terribly. I've cried, I understand, and the fear of knowing it's easy to toe that line, I question what event happened that unbalanced her toward that favour. She was a social worker with so many made happy and supported immensely through her dedicated work. Somehow I feel she didn't have a right to have so many dedicated to that care and end her life and leave so much pain. But that's the struggle of those who look in....to understand, to KNOW, but left to question why...because tomorrow may have been a better day.

Life goes on....to have polarised feelings in conflict 24/7.

q
Posted 4/18/2012 5:31 PM (GMT -5)
Thanks everyone for your kind words and support!

My heart is just breaking over the whole situation, clearly I never expected that I would be having my first grandchild that would never know it's father (that one really hurts me) and equally pained for my daughter to be in this situation, as most of us know, it's a scary and exciting time especially with your first baby and I'm so heartbroken that her boyfriend won't be her to share this experiance with her....there's no doubt in my mind that if she'd have known before he hung himself (ironically as the OP's original post is about another hanging themselves) that he'd likely not done it....I mean of course he obviously had some underlying issues but I can't help thinking he would have been thrilled since in most relationships, people often talk about whether they want to have kids or not...he told my daughter he would and already had a boys name in mind...needless to say, if it's a boy she's naming him what her boyfriend chose and gving her boyfriends first name as the baby's middle name...I'm crushed over this whole thing and never being able to meet him is just the icing on the cake for hubby and myself.

I'm going to suggest to my daughter that we make a "scrapbook" of sorts with pictures of her boyfriend from hopefully the time he was a baby to "present" and with all the info she can get from his family about him so we can add it to the scrapbook as well as a way for his child to see and know him somewhat.

Thanks again...hope I didn't highjack the thread too much, wasn't my intent.
Posted 4/18/2012 7:27 PM (GMT -5)
I wonder if the steroids got to him. I'm sure he was on it or tapering.
Posted 4/18/2012 7:35 PM (GMT -5)
I think it is unfair to compare one illness to another and say those with UC don't have it "that bad." After all, this is the only point of reference for some of us, and when you have it rock bottom with it, it can be devastating to say the least. There is always someone way worse off than someone else . . . a child with a disease in a third world contry suffering more than another child with cancer. In the end, does it really matter? Everything is relative. I think it is harder on people when they think they shouldn't be upset about something, but they are. Reminds me of the holiday season having the highest rate of depression - people think they should be happy and feel worse about themselves because they are not.

This disease stinks. What makes it even harder is that we look well most of the time, so there is not often as much support. When I was hospitalized for three weeks I had a friend and coworker come to visit me. She told me I looked too good to be sick, and actually asked my nurse if I was really "that" sick.
Posted 4/20/2012 7:34 AM (GMT -5)
I know this thread pretty much ran its course, but when I read this article this morning I immediatley thought of some of the other comments in the thread and thought some would find interest in this story and video:

Girl with no hands wins national penmanship award

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2012/04/girl-born-with-no-hands-wins-national-penmanship-awards/1#.T5Cj7mJrND5
Posted 4/20/2012 7:44 AM (GMT -5)
I try to think of how others have it much worse and my heart goes out to them. But, I've been through a lot of things in my life, UC is probably the worse thing, especially when flaring. I pretty much feel like I'm dying slowly, the cramping, the massive internal bleeding, it's pain at a level that I didn't know existed. I've thought about suicide in the past, but came to the conclusion it was too much of a horrible thing to do to my family.
Now my GI doc is saying it's probably Crohn's as well.
This disease is the gift that keeps on giving.
Posted 4/20/2012 8:46 AM (GMT -5)

journey2health said...
I wonder if the steroids got to him. I'm sure he was on it or tapering.

Very good point...i wonder about that too. Honestly, the rock bottom i hit with the steroids, especially while tapering, was sooo low it's indescribable. I have gone through so many hardships in my life before but never hit a low like this. It was very very low. What helped was knowing that it was a side effect of the meds and having supportive people around me.
But if he wasn't pre-warned that there were side effects to the steroids...then it may have been a double-whammy for him.
Posted 4/20/2012 12:53 PM (GMT -5)

bookworm21 said...
Very sad. But if I was 72 and faced with this, I'd probably do something similar--why spend your last few years sick?

My grandfather was a rancher in Oregon. He had cancer around 72 and went thru all the treatments. Then a year later guess what ? He had cancer again. This time he opted out using a revolver. We told grandma it was an accident.

They had been together since 17, lived in a chicken coop, then owned a million acre ranch years later. They went thru a lot together...she kept saying 'where is my cowboy' ?
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