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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 9/17/2016 9:21 PM (GMT -5)
Every once in awhile, we need to laugh at what we face from time to time. And one of the reasons I love this forum is that we all share similar stories, so let's hear what you got! I'll get it started!

Early this week, during a never-ending meeting, I felt my stomach gurgling a bit and knew I had to pass gas soon. Not just a little crop dusting, but a full on blast that would make plants wilt and make babies cry. Over the years I have become quite adept at moving around to stifle it. However, this methane cloud would not go away. As I felt it making its escape, I hastily grabbed my cell phone and tried to step out of the meeting discreetly. DID. NOT. MAKE IT. turn As I exited the office, I wasn't sure if everyone heard the dulcet tones of my trumpet-ic harmonies exiting my symphony hall.

I hid in the bathroom for about 15 minutes and returned. No one bat an eye, no one giggled, just carried on as if the dirty bomb I unleashed didn't detonate. I felt relief twice, one for that that green cloud of death that left me and two that no one said anything.

A day later as I walking the floor, my coworker came up to me and pulled me aside and said, "Dude that was awesome yesterday, it took every fiber in my being to not bust out in laughter when you busted ass in the meeting!!!"

I shrugged it off and we all had a laugh. A lesser person would be embarrassed, but at this point, if I am topic of someone's facebook status or tweet. I say. Bring it!
Posted 9/18/2016 6:00 PM (GMT -5)
A couple weekends ago, the DW staid on a remote island campsite accessible only by boat, on a state park. Kayaked three miles to get there, unpacked our tent and gear, and the site had this truly interesting composting toilet without a roof, door, or walls that was just a stone's throw from the lake, and you can easily view the lake from the seat. I was thinking tomorrow would be a very picturesque bm. For reference, here's what the toilet looked like: m.imgur.com/a/a9PYg

First morning, I was having a nice bm with a view and soothing birdsongs, when my DW walks over quietly and says: be prepared to wave soon as some guys are fishing close by and heading your way. At first I thought she was joking (she's prone to kid-around), but I could tell from her expression that it wasn't, so I no sooner pulled my pants up and barely got out of sight and the guys went by in their boat, fishing at a trawling-speed. Has she not warned me... I seriously woulda been waving lol.

Second morning, just finished breakfast and a tstorm was approaching down the lake. We retreated to the tent and broke out chess and a deck of cards, and man it was pouring outside. That's the very moment when my annoying uc urgency strikes as unexpectedly and as violently as the lightening storm did, I held it for 10 minutes or so, and yet the rain shows absolutely no sign of abating. I change into only swim trunks and run to use the toilet. I had a nice, refreshing bm in the pouring rain lol. I couldn't exactly bring tp due to the downpour, so I cleaned up in the lake afterwards, went for a swim and then put my trunks black on. I dried off and went back in the warmth of the tent and dry clothes. At least the storm lasted 2.5 hours, no way I could have held it that long.

Now that's roughing it lol.
Posted 9/18/2016 9:41 PM (GMT -5)
No John, roughing it is when you have nothing but a port-a-potty a mile down the road, no running water, in the middle of the woods and having to use bottle water to clean yourself ;) I would've loved a nearby lake lol

But my most embarrassing story was about 15 years ago. We decided to go camping with our friends. We all brought our kids. Mine were 7 and 11 at the time. We found our campsite and started pitching tents. As we were pitching the tents, my 7 year old decided to wander of with my friends 8 year old into the woods. We realized they were missing so we started searching for them. As we were searching, yep I had the urge (I was mildly flaring at the time) and had to pull off the path to go - using leaves as tp. As soon as I was done, my daughter shows up and asks why is everyone calling her name??? All I can say is that I'm glad she wasn't lost, but also that she didn't catch me using leaves as tp lol
Posted 9/19/2016 6:59 AM (GMT -5)
Just my most recent embarrassing event, not the most. Certainly uc urgency seems to happen at the absolute least convenient time, guaranteed. I've used leaves more times than I can count (getting the dried leaf bits out later is annoying) lol. Stinks that happened during the search...glad the kiddo was fine though, scary stuff.
Posted 9/19/2016 7:42 AM (GMT -5)
What is it about the great outdoors that makes our guts act up?

My story happened about 9 years ago while traveling. I wanted to visit a nearby semi-famous garden and spouse wanted to stay at the hotel so I headed out alone for couple hours late Sunday afternoon wandering the many, many acres. Closing time was nearing so I headed back but gut suddenly said "NOW" and I headed into the bushes (no TP). At the time I was grateful no one else was nearby but that feeling turned to fear when I realized they'd locked the gates and I had no way to get out, high fences and very rural location.

I started yelling "Help let me out" and after a loooong 15 minutes the last employee heard me from a distant parking spot and let me out. Guess he saw my car and figured someone was lost inside. I had a cellphone but being out of town couldn't figure what number to call other than 9-1-1 and definitely did not want that embarrassment (remember my spouse was car-less and would be huge problem to ask him to get me free).

Being locked in could happen to anyone but UC moves everything into disaster mode.
Posted 9/19/2016 2:33 PM (GMT -5)
Was in sleep over camp and had urgency (pre-dx) while on a hike. Most people would just hold it until we got to the end of the hike. But this wasn't happening.

I went into the woods and left a gift. Thankfully I had TP so wasn't too bad.


When I was in the hospital the very nice tech was cleaning my bathroom, I told him I needed it NOW and now meant 10 seconds ago. He said he was almost finished but there was no holding back.
I started walking toward the toilet and BOOM
Right down the legs of my favorite pj pants blood/mucous starting running down. . tech, nurse and mom were all in the room and I didn't even know what to do with myself because I was just trying my hardest to stop and I couldn't.
Now I can laugh about it.
Posted 9/19/2016 2:38 PM (GMT -5)
Yes, nobody truly gets that now means absolutely right now, not in a minute or anything else. I once had to poop in a kitchen trashcan because my DW was almost done on the toilet. She was horrified to leave the bathroom and see me using uhh the can right there in our kitchen. I promptly took the trashbag outside, afterwards lol. Extreme urgency = taking extreme measures.
Posted 9/19/2016 6:36 PM (GMT -5)
My most embarrassing story has nothing to do with UC!

Several months ago I was on my way out of town for a work event. I was dressed casually nice. I stopped at a gas station and started to fill up my tank. I thought the gas had stopped so I pulled the pump out. SURPRISE! It was still pumping full force and gasoline started spraying everywhere. The handle was locked but I panicked and tried sticking the pump back in. Gas was spraying all over me, everywhere and I started yelling and panicking like a maniac. The lock finally tripped, but when the gas stopped I was drenched head to toe, and standing in a lake of gasoline. Yes there were people near me looking, but trying not to look.

I had to drive home and then I made my second mistake. I put all my gas drenched clothes in the washer and you aren't supposed to do that. So when I got home 2 days later my entire place still smelled like gasoline from the clothes in the wash.

EMBARRAAASSSSIINNNNGGGG. Especially the part when I was yelling like a crazed maniac with gas spraying all over the place. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Posted 9/19/2016 10:35 PM (GMT -5)
I dunno, for me the outdoors seems to put my UC on pause, maybe all the fresh air or something.

I had an abnormal urine test, which resulted in needing a bladder ultrasound. I'm an idiot, assumed it would just be the tech running the thingy over bladder area. Nope, nope, nope, not how that's done at all. After being directed away from main imaging area to urology 😳 The nurse explained how it was done. I'm on the table, waiting and the doc walks in. Now, when you think of urologist, you think nondescript, middle aged, hopefully kindly doctor. Holy crap, in walks about the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. To the ladies around here, even if he wasn't your type, you would have to admit he was one beautiful buck. Dang, he filled out his scrubs nice, very ruggedly handsome, outdoorsy looking, just gorgeous with piercing blue eyes. I'm on the table with my feet in the stirrups and all my fun parts exposed and the nurse is telling me I have to scoot down further. Nope, not enough, scoot further. Jeez, it was worse exposure than a pelvic exam, was this a ultrasound or a p0rn shoot? It shouldn't have mattered but it was unnerving to be exposed like that to someone so gorgeous and good looking. And then he didn't have the right size catheter, so the nurse had to go across the room and rummage around for one. Gawd, ya, nothing like making small talk with your hooziewazzit exposed.

An eternity later, he got what he needed, said he didn't see anything and left. Well, I'll never stereotype again cuz if I saw that guy on the street last thing I would think he did for a living was urologist. 😌
Posted 9/22/2016 7:15 PM (GMT -5)
Oh gosh, guys, I just read through this thread. I so needed these laughs today. Thanks so much.
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