People are really thoughtless and mean. I don't tell anyone anything. Since I had surgery, I can hold it and I don't really worry about the "what ifs" so much anymore. When I was flaring, i could literally have an accident at any moment.

Doggiedo said...
. I'm wondering how everyone else does? !

I am ashamed to say not very well. I got really defensive on a trip I took with close family members a few weeks ago. My SIL said "you eat the healthiest out of everyone and you're the most unhealthy one here".

It stung. I have spent a great deal of time on fitness and undoing many long time problems and things (drinking, smoking, sugar addictions, etc). And the way I have felt the last year and a half.....well, I guess a part of my believes what she said?

I think this is really an important issue to bring up, and I am being super proactive about changing that knee jerk response. It DOES say way more about me than her. She can be insensitive until the cows come home (and unfortunately she will) but my reaction was an indication that I need to look at MY feelings.

Extra stress, worry, shame, and all these other things affect me, and I bet many of us, emotionally and this gets transferred into the physical.....no thanks.

I am working on reframing my feelings about this. Adding in some meditation, too. Talking more than I had been to a select few who are mature, compassionate and understanding. Can't eradicate jerks, but we can become resilient in their company .

That kind of humor "I'm not sitting next to you anymore" is 3rd grade level and yes adults laugh at poop jokes. They laugh at things that are uncomfortable, that they are afraid of, that are racist, sexist, etc.
I like to hear things like this so I know exactly where people are coming from so I don't trust them with anything personal.

The people that I really dislike are the ones who hide what they actually feel and undercut you when you are in need. As Worried UCer said "A lot of people are crap" and many have no empathy/sympathy for other peoples condition.

There is a reason animals hide their wounded condition, because others will attack them. A dog may limp for their trusted owner and hide it from other dogs. Don't waste your time trying to educate the unempathetic even if they are family members.

The good ones are out there, keep them in your life and shut out the idiots. "No soup for YOU."

Personally doesn't bother me. I was open about my condition, also now I'm open about not having a colon. Can't help it so might as well be up front about it and own it.

To people like that I'd call them out on it. The less confidence you have and the more shy and offended you are the more they'll jump on it. It's like sharks smelling blood in water. Have thick skin, don't take things personal and be witty about it. Never had any issues. If you called her out along the lines of "I'm sure you make fun of kids with cancer too" I bet they'd feel like a huge idiot and be more embarrassed themselves in front of others....

You can be an advocate and try and educate folks, if you're so inclined. In this case, they've already shown they have no interest in learning (if it was my cousin had this I would want to know more and educate myself rather than cracking jokes). So, it'd likely be an uphill battle.

There's a lot of times you just have to let it go and let it bounce right off you, rather than stick in and cause wounds. Easier said then done, perhaps. As I know I've been peeved on more than a few occasions. You can ignore it, or resort to sarcasm/humor (which is kind of ingrained within me).
Co-worker: "My you look so thin what's your secret? I'm so Jealous!"
Me: "I've discovered this great new diet called IBD, I lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks, I wasn't even hungry, and all I had to do was poop 20 times a day and be bent over in agonizing pain! You should try it sometime."

I've been in both situations, very open about my condition with coworkers at one job and secretive and two other jobs over the years. Pros and cons to each approach, I guess.

When I've educated folks (coworkers, friends, family, etc.), they tend to get the general gist of UC but not any of the specifics which can be a bit frustrating. For example, they'd all ways mix up UC, Crohn's, and IBS like they were all just interchangeable and equivalent. "Hi John how's your IBS been lately? My cousin had that and stopped eating *insert some random thing here, like Dangerously Cheesy Cheetos* and now he's completely cured, have you tried that out?" I find people generally are self-centered and only care about what's important to themselves, they remember some details about UC to try to be social, generally don't care enough to know enough to be fluent/competent with UC, and they try to be helpful with limited knowledge about UC. Unless UC affects them, they don't have enough of an interest to care about learning key details.

When I don't tell others, I just feel guilty/suspicious of others. Like they think I'm less dedicated because I arrive a couple minutes late, or leave for appointments and so forth.

No matter what you do it's a pain in the butt. darned if you do and darned if you don't tell others, I guess haha.

next time look at her with concern and ask her (pretending to be worried) whether she feels okay because she looks as if she were seriously ill, wax yellow skin etc, some people really freak out when they hear such comments. I never wish anyone any disease but such people as this woman are so disgusting that they should get ill to see how it is

I'm a pretty blunt and open person I would have called her out on it.

The other day I had a colleague talking about another colleague who didn't work there anymore. He said something like: This person had a hip replacement and he always has something. Now the person he spoke of is in his mid 30s and has a chronic illness. He was in fact the first one to notice that I wasn't feeling well when I was flaring. When he said that I stood up and told him how many people don't choose their disease and it is what it is. He listened and agreed respectfully and never said anything again.

At my first job I was 17 years old and I had just gotten sick with colitis. My boss hated me because I went to the restroom very often. I never said anything. One day I was doing dishes and I had to leave in the middle of it to go to the restroom. I came back and a colleague stood there, washing the dishes in my place. She said: Well, we're going to practise (or try) that again. I didn't say a word and continued washing the dishes. Today I would have definitely said something... like I didn't want to miss work so I could change my pants because I was about to poop into them and I forgot my diapers.

You can either cry about it or accept it for what it is and laugh about it. You're stuck with this disease forever.