Frustrating!!! (vent)

I went to a party tonight. Goal: to stay out late. Did it happen? No. The food there.... most I couldn't have. The only thing I could have was a tortilla with some rice, lettuce, and cheese. That's it. I've had a lot of unhealthy things which was dragging me down along with the disappointment of not being able to eat all that was provided. I could have mostly the breaded stuff, which of course is not real appetizing. So, I ended up around 7 telling my husband that we need to go. We were there for 5 hours. Had so much fun, but then I started dragging. The other frustrating thing is that I am bringing my husband down too because I needed to go because all the food there was just dragging me down.

I guess I hit the main reason for leaving so early... the inability to eat all that was offered. This UC just frustrates me!

My hubby did give me options, which just totally bored me and made me feel more disappointed. Oh well, maybe we learned that we need to not bring drinks and bring a dish I can eat.

See, I did have a great time, but when we first started dishing up the food, I had a hard time not feeling disappointed and frustrated. Since I've gotten this UC, we've never really been out like we have lately. I LOVE being out like this, I don't like being the "party pooper." I'm trying to figure out what to do for next time because I don't want my hubby to be "annoyed" at me. I've discovered that I do need to eat before, provide something at the party that I know I can have. The gal that was providing the food, made all the food look good, but put certain things in there that I can't have and would have a hard time picking it out. I just hate bursting my guy's fun. I also decided that I'm going to put stuff in my purse to snack on if needed. I know it's a lesson learned, but it I know it takes time to figure out a "plan" so we both have a good time. Unfortunately, my head was hurting due to lack of food and the food I needed. I needed more healthy stuff. The meal was all mexican. Mexican = spicy. So, that kinda turned me off cuz of all the spice.

I too am glad I have been in remission for a while, but I've gotten kinda shaky because I've gone off a pill. I think my medicine has been a bit of my security, now that I'm going off of it, I'm learning how "clingy" I've gotten. I'm glad I'm off this medicine and am doing good, but still feel a bit unsure, and am extra cautious. My hubby is still in college, and when I got diagnosed, he was in colege. It's too much stress on him if I fall out of remission. Guess, there are insecurities due to this thing too.

When is your surgery? Don't you have other options before surgery?

I was always under the impression that I would never be off medication for this disease, and at first the Asacol started to the trick, but I had to double that and stay on a high dose of Prednisone...but then that failed and we started Remicade...which isn't working either. I have a severe form of pancolitis and it's just really exhausting. My side effects to these medications is a very attacked immune system and nasty infections. I have so much living to do that I'm not going to waste any more time than I already have suffering and struggling to get by.

: ) My family and I are very excited about the surgery and I'm looking forward to just getting on with it! I too am in school...grad school...but I had to take this semester off b/c I just can't do it...I'm too sick...and I need to focus 100%, which I am unable to do. I've also spoken with others who have had the surgery and they all wish they had it sooner...I don't want to be able to say that. I want to say that I had the surgery b/c I knew it was the right time and that I refuse to wait around and wither away. : )

So, yep...it's all very interesting. One struggle to the next, and though the surgery is going to be an adjustment and something very major, it's also very welcomed. Anything post surgery is going to be an improvement to the way we are currently living our lives.

: ) Robin

Heck yeah...never did we think we would grow up to have food restrictions! What?! No popcorn...that's what kills me the most!!! I even had the cool stove popper that you use oil and crank it yourself...YUM! I had my husband take the bag of pecans my grandma gave us to his domain in the basement and they were in my giant popcorn bowl...I'm sad b/c I can't have fresh pecans either...my grandma gathers them himself and they are the best ever!!!...but I told my husband last night that I never want to see that popcorn bowl upstairs again. : ) Boo-hoo!!!

I do love Taco Soup though, and someday after all my surgeries I'm going to be able to eat all the Taco Soup I want with sour cream! Nummy!!!

I know it's silly, but I do love food...I don't base my day around my meals or anything, but I enjoy eating...I enjoy cooking...I enjoy food with lots of flavor...I like watching Food Network...in fact, one of my top three career choices is being a baker and designing cakes and cookies. : ) However, counseling is my current career path and though it's an expensive education, I may have to open a bakery to just make money! Counseling is definitely a helping profession that does not have a big dollar sign involved. : ) You do this job b/c you love it.

Sorry, I do ramble quite a bit. : )

I hate that you are allergic to Remicade...wow...how horrible that lesson must have been! I'm severly allergic to steriods other than Prednisone...talk about feeling drugged!!! And Asacol has been my staple medication...I'm sure it makes some difference but right now I feel that I just pump myself full of pills without much benefit.

I hope you've had a nice weekend!

: ) Robin

We're getting our house ready for post surgery...as I want to be able to be home with my son as soon as possible. There are going to be lifting restraints so we're babyproofing almost every square inch so I can be with him. I'm also hanging out with him on the floor a lot...we're having picnics on his floor mat and I'm changing his diaper more in the play area. : ) I just don't want him to think there's a big adjustment. Our family is already frequently here, especially my mom, b/c lately I've just been unable to maintain certain household duties. I'm too tired and just ucky feeling.

We've had a good weekend...my son is teething so he's cranky and he's learning boundaries, so he's been upset a lot.

: ) Robin