"feeling better?"

I've seen lists of what not to say to someone with a chronic illness ("you just need to exercise/take more vitamins/eat more or less ____!") or IBD in general, so I'm not trying to recreate one of those. But this is one, well meaning thing people say that kind of drives me crazy.

It's my coworkers the day after I have to go home because of an exceptionally bad episode. People in general don't know how to deal with chronic illness so they revert to what they know - you come down with something, rest, and then get better until next cold season.

Actually I didn't even like it before UC, because when I have a cold I can feel pretty okay and completely miserable at different times in the same day. So by saying the expected "yes" I feel like I'm committing to being "better" regardless of what changes throughout the day.

My "pattern" has changed quite a few times over the last couple years. Now my body is at least being polite enough to wait until I'm at work before starting anything. So there's an unspoken, "but that could do a 180 in an hour," when I assure everyone I feel fine. Monday, the last time I had to leave work, I didn't know what I was in for even as I walked to the bathroom.

This is going to sound even pickier but I don't like that small-talky "how are you doing?" you always get from cashiers. Because if I'm feeling bad, and even if it was a sincere question, I don't feel comfortable sharing that with people I don't know. So I feel like in a way I'm forced to lie.

Sometimes I glance at the box of Immodium mixed in my groceries and think, "how do you think?"


But you reminded me how oblivious my husband can be. When I went home Monday he was at home between work and class and asked me if I was having a bad day. I couldn't help a little sarcastic "wild guess?" He knows I'm perpetually overworked right now so I wouldn't be taking a spontaneous afternoon off, not to mention I had headed straight to the bathroom when I got in!

But he's also the one who didn't notice my bottle of suppositories in the fridge, had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned the packets of wipes that come with my generic enemas that have been sitting on the bathroom counter for *months*, or ever notice how "my" cat follows me everywhere, even into the bathroom. (Ever have a cat jump on your lap when you're on the toilet?)

So I do try to go a little out of my way to tell him what's going on, so he understands why I want to escalate treatment and talk about surgery in the future.

I still live with my mom so she's the only one who knows how I'm really feeling when it comes to this. She can tell by the look on my face sometimes. I just tell her if I've had a good day on the toilet. If not, then she leaves me alone.

With others I just shrug. It's easier. I find if I lie to someone then I'm doing myself a disservice by not informing people of this disease. The reason why people don't understand is simply because they don't know.

Although I understand that it's frustrating to be asked, somewhat tritely, how your feeling by co-workers sometimes you need to understand that people want to show that they're thinking about you. People aren't going to ask "soooo, pooped much today? Butt sore?" If I don't feel great but don't want to get into details I just reply meh, been better. Usually you get I hope you're feeling better soon blah, blah.

As for cashiers, I work as an associate in a store and it's just fine to say "fine thanks. How are you." I don't REALLY want to know how you are. It's just polite.

Sometimes when we aren't feeling well we may get annoyed by little things. Taking it out on someone trying to be nice is probably not the way to go.