the reason for all my anxiety? how do i cope?

i guess this will be very personal. but i alctually need help. i think this is the cause of all my anxiety and panic attacks. i cant seen to get help. i feel helpless. so i have an older brother who is beyond strict. hes been that way since i was young i have 4 brothers the other 3 arent like him i have fun with them theyre not strict at all. but everytime i leave the house my older brother is at my face where u goin? with who? ur lying? ur a *****?. i mean all of it would be ok if i was any of this. i never even dated. im far from a *****. but now im 26 n ive learned to ignore it when i was young but i cant anymore. it hurts. i go out i have freedom. but i dont enjoy anything anymore. i could be out and have to rush back home cuz of an anxitey attack. or feeling detached like nothing is real. thankfully i have great friends who know what im going through and understand and dont mind coming over to hangout with me when i feel like this instead of going out. i have an amazing life anything i need i get. i had a good job but i quit due to anxiety. i have an amazing family including my older brother. he gives me anything i need. but once im ready to go out oh man it begins. he never stops me but he says awfull things. in my younger years iver ignored it all. i would go out and have fun like i didnt just hear all that before i walked out the door. but now i cant be anywhere. when he does that.. thats all i think about. hes braking me. but heres the weird thing. me n my family are BEYOND close. i feel like the thing i love so much is the same thing KILLING me. i love him to death. would do anything for him. he also suffers from anxiety. and i dont fight with him or anything cuz i love him. i dont wana hurt him. ive seen him have panic attacks n it breaks my heart that he has to go through that... im arabian. which most dont understand our culture. its not right. but i dont know how i can cope with this anymore. i feel paralized. he has a girlfriend who i get along with but i recently stopped talking to because i dont get how she sees how he talks to me and dosent say anything. i dont know how to handle anything anymore. everyone says talk to him n let him know how u feel. but that can never happen. he thinks differently. i duno what to do. i dont hate him. i love him hes one of my bestfriends. if anyone actually read this very long post. plz tell me how i can learn to cope. i was never this weak before. i feel like im a victum of emotional abuse. BIG TIME. but i cant do anything about it cuz i dont wana hurt him.

Post Edited (Livin_On_A_Prayer) : 3/9/2013 11:04:16 PM (GMT-7)

I would suggest that you go to counseling if you aren't already doing so. I think you need to learn how to cope with your anxiety in general before doing something more. What are your long term goals? I feel like if you can learn how to manage your anxiety you will be able to get a job again, earn your own money and maybe consider moving out of the house. Then you will be more independent and your brother will not be quite so involved in your life. You can't change him unless he wants to change and if this is the culteral norm for you than it's up to you to get away from the situation you are in. I'm not saying you shouldn't stay close with your brother. I'm just thinking that he is acting like a concerned parent and it might be better if you weren't living under the same roof. I got along really well with my parents after I moved out .  It is very liberating! Best of luck to you.