Here we go again

He just walked out and said he's done, he's been done and we are over. I'm dying.

I wish there was something I could say or do. I don't know the ins and outs of your marriage, so I don't know if your husband is having a bad day and maybe a meltdown of his own and maybe he doesn't mean what he's saying?

Ditto everything Lisa send! We're thinking about you and are here if you need us. You went above and beyond for me and I am here to do the same for you!

Mg,

I am so very sorry for what you are going through right now. It's an awful feeling, but just know that we are ALL here to support you. Please, if you don't have any family or friends to talk to, just send me an email and I'll be more than happy to be the shoulder you need right now.

Just don't make any hasty decisions right now regarding school, or anything else. We tend to think, or do things, sometimes that we really don't want to when we are in such despair.

I wish I could just give you a huge hug and tell you everything is going to be ok. Eventually it will be. Just remember that you have to remain strong for yourself and your child, and if it's his choice to walk out on you, the best thing you can do for you and your child is to continue your education so that you can get that job you always wanted and provide a good life for the both of you, and your puppies!

Please don't give upon your dream of becoming a vet. I always wanted to be one myself, but that never happened for me. You have the opportunity to further yourself. Maybe just take some time off of school and return when you feel you're ready?

Just remember we are all here to support you through this difficult time.

Sending comforting hugs your way...

Fox

My husband went on a summer trip many years ago. I picked him up at the bus station and when we got home he announced that we were getting divorced. We had never discussed it. The subject had never come up. So, I know how you are feeling right now. I did not handle the situation very well at all. Do you have any idea what prompted his comments as he was walking out the door. Find someone that you can have come over r talk to on the phone. Make some tea and breathe. Do not think about all the things that are racing through your brain right now. Live one hour at a time. Tomorrow is another day and maybe you will be able to see things more clearly. I don't think that going to the library to study is the best thing to do right now. If you think it is , then you know where your priorities are. I am not saying that is good or bad.

Thank you for weighing in everyone. I appreciate all the advice and love I've received from all of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

CD- one thing that you said stuck out to me though and I wanted to comment on it. You said that you didn't think the library and studying were the best things to do right now. I'm not sure why you said that, but I don't really have choice right now. I was sick all last week and am falling behind. I decided that you all are right and I should hold off on making a big decision to drop out of my program. That being said, if I don't catch up and if I fail any of my classes, I will be kicked out of the program. The choice will be made for me. If I get kicked out it will cost me $35,000. I don't need to add that to my list of problems right now. So, yes it is a priority right now. It has to be.

We did talk tonight and we are going to try to work things out. He's stressed, I'm stressed and we are not handling things well at all. Therapy, separate and/or together will definitely have to be a part of this.

No matter what you do, I'm just glad you guys talked and no hasty decisions have been made. I feel a lot of relief for you. The best marriages aren't the ones that are "perfect", but they're the ones that have two people who are committed to seeing through the tough times and giving it their all, "for better, or for worse." You certainly can't predict the future, but at least you'll always be able to look back and say that you gave it your best shot!

And I'm soooo glad you haven't given up on your dream and for now you plan to stick it out with school! You didn't get to where you are now, to quit! If we lived in the same state, I know I'd want my precious boy to have a doctor like you! I have a lab/husky/shepherd mix. He's a huge dope and I adore him.....when I don't wanna kick his tail for misbehaving! ;-)

Thanks Cornell and TSD. Thank you both for being there for me. And TSD, your boy sounds so sweet! :)

MG

I meant what I wrote! I must have my own "issues" to deal with but I kinda took it hard when I read that it was suggested that you have to have a better marriage and for you to "reconsider" the baby. I know it was said with good intentions but it cut to the bone (on my end).

My mom was young and made a lot of mistakes. She was never even married to my dad -one night stand at a bar. I wasnt conceived in the best of conditions (who is?) but my mom wanted me and she loved me!

If you want a baby. then don't wait for the perfect time (cause it may never come)!

This is wrote from my perspective. I love my mom and so glad she wanted me!

Much love

Cornell

Post Edited (Cornell) : 10/19/2014 7:02:47 PM (GMT-6)

Yes I have read your previous posts and he does sound like a great dad!!! You're going to have your doctorate and I'm sure that your marriage will be just fine!

There's no doubt that your baby will be born into a very loving home!

Couldn't ask for more of an ideal condition for a baby

Now get to making babies! Remember, practice makes perfect!

(Smile)

Cornell

I meant by my comment that I didn't think it was a good idea to go study INSTEAD of talking to your husband. I am so happy that you both made the initial steps to work things out. That will make your studying much more productive. Try to stay in the moment. While you are studying focus only on that. While talking with your husband, don't think about school.

CD- Oh, I see what you meant. He had left and I was home by myself. I figured getting some studying done was at least something productive to do.

Thanks again everyone!

It was directed toward me T&S, and that's ok. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

I just gave my input as an outsider, using the information she gave about how her husband was treating her, the situation with her anxiety/panic, the state of her relationship, and her being in school at the moment. I felt that was the best advice I could give at the moment, because it may cause more anxiety and stress for her to juggle all those things at once.

But by all means MissGigi, if that is something you really want to do, then I say go for it. I was just trying to help by giving you a look at an outsider's point of view.

Sometimes I am brutally honest in my opinions, and like I said before, I'm not one to sugarcoat anything.
So if I offended you, or anyone else, I apologize. But to me, it only seemed logical to have you take a step back and look at the whole picture.

I only had one child, a son as well, and he grew up in a house where me and his father were constantly arguing, so for ME, to bring another child into the picture wasn't an option. Twenty years later, I thank God that I didn't, because I left his father when he was 7.

My husband now, has raised him since then, and he turned out to be the BEST man in the world in my eyes. He was ALWAYS a good kid, and never got involved in drugs or drinking, like his father did. He has a good job, he bought a home, and he's planning on getting married next year. All of this, and he's only 27 years old. So yes, I am VERY proud of him.

Through all of the arguing between me and his father, (I did try to do it privately, but sometimes that's not possible) he was a very happy kid, he NEVER knew exactly what we were arguing about btw. I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that a child doesn't really NEED a sibling to be happy. I know you may want a sister or brother for him, and that's great if you can give him that.

But ME personally, I would wait until I worked things out with the hubby. I'm not trying to tell you not to have another baby by any means. I understand your motherly instinct to want to have another baby, because I went through that myself, but ultimately it was my choice not to. Not in the state that my relationship was in. And yes, his father was a good dad and loved him dearly, but he had a drug and alcohol problem that I did not want my child to be around.

Not saying you should do the same thing, because obviously I don't know your husband or your situation first hand, and I'm SURE you're not in the same situation as I was. I'm just trying to give you another point of view.

And before I get asked "WHY I chose to be with someone, and have a baby with someone, who was a drug addict".... I did not know he was an addict for a while. He hid it VERY well.

I won't comment anymore on the subject. I see that it hits certain nerves in some people, but that's my honest opinion on your situation. :)

I wish you the best of luck in whatever it is you choose to do, and I hope you can work through your marital issues and have that baby you so desperately want.


(((hugs))) Fox