googling my 'past'

I have been crying again.
I don't know why I keep doing this. I ended a relationship in May...now it's almost October and I still google my 'ex'. I know his facebook...but he doesn't update much. I have been googling him and trying to hold on to whatever info I can find of him...it seems like I want to know how he is doing. I am crazy. Why do I do this to myself?

My 'ex' was a medical professional...and he has been interviewed a couple of times and I found his interview online. I found pictures of him taken after May. I felt sick to my stomach. I still have feelings for him and I was in so much pain after seeing his photo. Of course, he has moved on and is doing great...and I have no doubt he is in a new relationship.

I miss him terribly although I was the one who ended it. I have googled exes from many years ago but I rarely feel sad or depressed. I guess I am still not over the recent one...I was not able to find closure due to reasons I cannot state here which is why this has been diffcult for me.

I know I will break down and cry if I ever see him again. He had that much impact on me. He still does. After 4 months I still think about him. Forgetting him is impossible. I met someone new and I still can't move on. This is insane. I wish I were stronger.

Mel,

I think we have all done this to some extent.

With time, you will come out of this stronger and more confident than before.

Wishing you healing and progress. It will get better, have faith.

S.C.

Thank you...guys. It's been very tough. I really have to stop googling..it's a bad habit...googling symptoms, googling exes...I need to focus on things that are a lot more productive and positive.

Post Edited (melodee) : 10/1/2015 10:16:50 AM (GMT-6)

Thank you SC. I really appreciate the support I receive on HW.
Other sites are not as active as HW...some posts are left with no replies there...but here, there are always people online leaving a message. It makes a huge difference to know we are not alone.

I do not have friends who can call me throughout the day. They are working 9 to 5. I am self employed and can set my own hours.

It's scary how this one man is constantly haunting me...day and night. When I am out with other people, I am ok...my attention is focused on them. But when I am alone, it's all about him again. It's October and I do not want to waste my time thinking about him anymore. I think I need to force myself to 'erase' all the memories I have of him.

Post Edited (melodee) : 10/1/2015 10:15:59 AM (GMT-6)