So I recently moved a couple months ago for a job and it was very exciting. As part of my move, I wanted to get back into dating. I'm in my late 20s and felt ready to look for someone to be in a relationship with.

To preface this, I've posted here a while ago about my anxiety, and it occurred when I either forgot to bring my medication on a vacation and went cold turkey, or when I tried to phase the medication out, only to get symptoms back a few months later. The anxiety usually came when I really thought about mortality, death, that sort of thing. I know I'm young, but they brought about anxiety past a simple fear of death. Everything else -- big interview, a date, deadlines -- usually fell under normal anxiety that I would get over quickly. When it's the former and it's GAD, I usually need to keep my mind distracted; it's hard to just sit down and relax alone at home.

So I started talking to some girls a couple weeks ago, I had a second date with one a couple Fridays ago at my apartment. Iit went really well, we had talked the next day on Saturday about possibly meeting up early the following week, yet I had this weird feeling that she was going to back out. I felt nervous about it for the weekend, but I still felt "normal" inside, if you get my drift. Nothing GAD-related yet. Then sure enough, Sunday night I received a text that said we'd be better off as friends. And that would normally just be kind of a bummer for me but I'd get over it. Yet since that weekend, it's harder to just enjoy my alone time at home. The apartment felt strangely lonely. Now, I didn't know her enough to get depressed about it, so it felt strange to feel that way. It felt the same way as when I would have anxiety issues: constantly feeling weird in the stomach, feeling isolated and secluded at home, etc.

Strange.

I just started talking to another girl recently who is very cool and we had a fantastic date last night. We became close physically (nothing sexual), had a great time talking, kissed, held hands, and we've been texting for most of today. We just really clicked. We've decided to do another date on Friday, but again, I have this constant anxiety about the whole thing. I mean, I normally have this feeling in the back of my mind that a woman may back out last minute since it's happened to me before, and that's always been a normal worry, but usually it'll start as a concern, and then if said girl really does back out, it's a big bummer but I'll get over it (and of course if the date goes to plan, then cool!). The constant anxiety I feel around my stomach and having to constantly distract myself at home and feeling weird alone, however, goes beyond that. I know what this feeling is, and it feels a lot like my anxiety from the past.

Now, I haven't gotten the shakes, thankfully, but it's a really lame feeling. My health insurance is changing on July 1st (transition from my previous work to this job), so I have to talk with my human resources manager about finding a doctor in-network with my new insurance. I'm on Lexapro and take it everyday and it's been great for years, but getting these weird feelings now even though I'm taking it is a bit discouraging.

I know this is long, but some help would be very appreciated.

Scaredy Cat said...
Hi HH,

You have experienced a lot of change recently...a relocation...a new job. This is much to take in and adjust to.

Therefore it isn't hard to see how throwing a new dating venture into the mix would be anxiety causing...even if it had never been previously.

It is often the cumulative effect of many factors that tips the anxiety scale. ..

Using positive mantras and practicing overall stress reduction exercises should help. You can find material for both in our Resources.

...and you could always choose to put the dating on the back burner if you feel it is overwhelming currently...

...but hopefully your subsequent dates with the girl you saw recently will make this a fleeting concern of the past.;)

With encouragement!

S.C.

Ha, that's what I'm hoping! I mean, if it doesn't work, I feel like it's back to square one with feeling kind of lonely and strange at home. If this works and we become a unit, then it'll feel much less stressful about the what ifs.

I never feel anxious as work. Being around people always makes me feel better when I'm feeling anxiety. It's weird to look forward to work and not as much going home, but anytime I'm encountering anxiety, that's always the case.

H.H.,

Sure...a situational stressor, such as you've experienced (moving and taking on a new job) can cause a breakthrough in anxiety...even in spite of your medication. Meds can only do so much.

That's where some new self help coping skills and tools will come to the rescue!

Definitely check out our Resources Guide. ..or break out some therapy material if you have some from the past..?

Keep posting with us as well if you find it helpful. Support is key!

S.C.

Good luck Happy.

Good plan for when you are covered!

Until then, keep up the good work with the self help...

...and keep posting...we are cheering you on!

S.C.

HH,

I think it's safe to say that you are going to have a great time tomorrow night!.:)

Keep your thinking positive...

...and yes, make a plan of action with your upcoming medical coverage...

...practicing self help, in the mean time.

Let us know how it goes, okay?

S.C.

Tonight's the night! Anxiety due to the What If's about last minute cancellations that have happened to me in the past are still in my head.

But I'm going to urgent care after work (I get off super early) to see if they'll prescribe some Xanax since I don't have a primary care physician yet as I've just started my insurance.

Post Edited (HappyHopper) : 7/1/2016 7:43:33 AM (GMT-6)

Rspwed said...
She's not cancelling. Have fun!

Haha, thank you! I'll give you guys an update tomorrow.

It was a nice date last night. Unfortunately, we couldn't do downtown over here because her nail appointment went until 7:30, so it was a 40-min drive home for her, shower, take the dogs out and then a 50 minute drive to my place. I actually almost had an anxiety attack when she texted me that she was exhausted (which was understandable, but still, with GAD, things are overblown). I said I could come up to her place instead instead, and she said that's be great. So we took a walk around the area, went to an Amish ice cream place, walked the beach and held hands, and went back to her place to watch some TV and go to sleep. I talked to her this morning, and I told her I really wanted to treat her to something big like yesterday because I really like her, and she said she thinks I'm a really nice guy but she doesn't need to rush. No pressure, we have some fun for now and see where it goes. She has anxiety too, but not around dating, and I told her my anxiety usually isn't triggered by dating by the symptoms have just gotten worse over the past couple weeks.

So she told me she's game for a third date and we'll play it by ear to figure it out. We gave each other a couple kisses goodbye, told me to text her when I get home, which I did, and that was that. Now I'm back in my apartment, alone, where my anxiety is always the worst. I have my xanax now, but I need to see a doctor this week to ask about why my Lexapro isn't as effecting (the urgent care doctor said a different manufacturer or shape of the pill can change things).

I really just want to enjoy the ride. I should just be thrilled that I'm putting myself out there and meeting girls, but my anxiety makes it impossible to do.

Texted her about doing another date Friday. Nope, it's off. She was actually a bit uncomfortable with me sleeping with her. I totally misread all the signs on the second date, and she felt little to no connection that night. Was still nice that she paid for the ice cream! :-D

I told her no ill will, that I mistook her signs as a way of slowing things down, not on having me leave the night of. We both have anxiety, and I told her with my anxiety recently kicking in, maybe this is a good thing in the long run. She thanked me for the kind words and wished me well, telling me anxiety is rough but manageable.

You know, I'm not too bummed about it. The text she sent was a bit harsh, but it was honest, and so this gives me closure. And being at an age now where I can take that and just tell her no ill will, best wishes, and good luck, makes me feel so much better at handling this.

Now I'll see how my anxiety is moving forward. Either way, I'm going to see a psychiatrist because I'd like to be able to handle dating normally, aka NORMAL anxiety. I'm actually not bummed at all! I just had five dates in a few weeks, and she was completely honest and I was mature enough to not go nuts and defensive.

Now it's time to get to the doctors and control this anxiety so I can get back into dating in a positive way.

Scaredy Cat said...
HH,

Sorry to hear that things didn't end up moving forward with this girl...

...but glad to know that you are taking it in stride...

...because the fact is, you just got back in the game...and there are going to be other dates, connections and ultimately a very lucky woman who will be your gf! :)

Stay encouraged!

S.C.

Thank you! My friend told me she was proud of me of putting myself out there as I said I wanted to when I got the new job. And she's right; I really should be happy I'm doing something I've not done before. It just looks like I need to manage my anxiety and get a hold of that before I put myself back out there.

Slight detour! But not dating while I have this anxiety is actually likely best for me at the moment.

HH,

I am really happy to hear you are still doing well/feeling positive! May this continue for you.:)

Sounds like a good plan regarding asking your PCP for a referral. That is how I found one of my therapists...and I was very happy with the choice.

You are wise to recognize your needs...and what your goals are for recovery. ..so best wishes on finding the right professional to help you in your treatment!

Keep us posted!

S.C.